Mrrryah1

I'm a 27 year old female. Graduated from high school with good grades. Excelled in school. Completed college. Excelled in my career. Make good money, own my own home, my own car, have money in the bank.

And I'm dying of this disease.

I live for 4 pm where I can race home from work and crack open that bottle of wine. I use drugs in secret. Nobody knows but me and the dealer. Not even my fiancé.

I lash out at my family and friends and hate myself for it. Because I'm usually miserable without my booze or drugs.

I can justify my use and abuse so easily because I am so high functioning. I haven't lost much. Besides relationships, my self respect, a couple of jobs in the past. Ugh now that I say it that way it doesn't sound so good.

But most people in my life wouldn't even know. My coworkers at my current job have no idea. My parents think I'm completely sober. My friends talk about how great I'm doing.

I almost think it's a curse. To suffer so badly on the inside like this while being able to keep the outside up to par. It's harder to get help this way. The pain and suffering isn't so obvious and those who care about me don't even know I need help.

I'm just living one huge double life and I'm about to break.


Can anyone else relate to this predicament??

least

"High functioning" is not a type of alcoholic, it's a stage of alcoholism. It won't last forever.

biminiblue

Time to come clean with them all.

Make this the last time. You will continue to get worse if you don't stop it.

silentrun

There was an awesome thread on this a few days ago. If you look back it's on page 7.

resolute50

I never considered myself "high functioning".
More like functioning despite.
One thing I will tell you. Think about what would happen if any of that started to fall apart.
Would your waiting for 4 pm change?

There would be no need to wait. That's how the bottom drops out a lot of times.
I hope you can get this all under control before the cracks lead to a calamity.
I'm glad you're here and have recognized that there's issues with your life.

Soberwolf

Myyrah I say this as softly and gently as possible

Its got past the functioning stage your losing more and more control you have just come out of ER and your lashing out

Self respect relationships jobs these are big things to lose myyrah

I say this as if you truly want to get sober you have to change everything about you otherwise it will get worse

Time for a change ?

Gronk

First I've heard it like that........I like it....

Soberwolf

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nctioning.html

Mrrryah1

Thanks guys. Good point soberwolf but it still feels like I'm functioning on the outside. To the people who know me anyways. Thanks for the thread I'm going to check it out now.

Soberwolf

Good luck I hope you can relate to the thread

ScottFromWI

I'll just come out and say it Myrrah, it's denial. You Asked if we can relate, and we can. You just got out of the ER, a few days ago you were told that you were having pre-seizure spasms, and a few days before that you were shooting up coke. That is not even close to high functioning, it is barely even functioning. I hope you can see through the lies before it's too late.

Hereandnow2

I was very similar to you, no one knew not even my husband and I didn't lose relationships, have legal issues but as others said, it was only going to get worse because it already had! The waiting till the time I could have a glass of wine/beer. It owned me and consumed sooooo much if my mind and body. I'm three months sober and coming clean about my double life is the best thing I ever did! Private message me if u wanna "talk" more.

Mrrryah1

Arg. Thanks Scott. Maybe I needed to hear that. I don't know what I would do without SR. I wouldn't be on day 6 sober and listening to fellow addicts n alkys call me on my BS anyways. For that I'm grateful.

ScottFromWI

I'm glad you are here. You are in the thick of the worst part of withdrawing, but the end of that stage is not far off. Stay the course and things will get much better my friend. We need you here just as much as you need SR.

johnnybsober

Sure... High functioning at 27.... Quit now while you still have everything... I am 47 finally quit drinking July 16th. I was honors grad from college, made good money... Worked for the ssame company for long time... Drank myself out of that job and the next 2 after that.

The addiction will only get worse... It will take everything you ever dreamed of away... Worst of all you get to the point where as long as you can drink it doesn't seem so bad... It is only when you quit you realize what you truly have lost

Please quit!

Our be like me with 22 dollars til Friday...

45 days sober. Still picking up the pieces

LDT

I've grown to dislike the buzz words "high functioning"..... It should be more like "high, while functioning"... Least is right...it's not a type of alcoholic...it's a stage of alcoholism.

Inflagrante

I used to think that I could drink and control it, that I had a strong enough mind to overcome my addiction to alcohol. I probably would have liked to call myself high functioning too, though that would have just been a way for me to differentiate myself from drunks who couldn't keep it together. And then I was stalked and harassed for a year by someone who is likely psychotic, and my life fell apart. I started drinking way too much all the time, and what had been a bad habit became a crutch and then it became who I was.

I think giving up the idea that I could control my drinking -- which is a type of thinking that I associate with "functional alcoholic" -- was the hardest part about getting sober. Although I only have three weeks, I've been trying to quit drinking for 6 years, and each time I've quit, I've gained new insight and gotten a little bit closer. At this point, I've given up the idea that I'm ever going to be able to drink socially, and I'm now I'm just waiting for it not to even matter anymore!

Good luck!

Anna

As others have said, high-functioning is a stage, not a type of alcoholic.

I hope that you hear what people are saying to you, and stop drinking and drugs before you fall further.

ANewDayNYC

Unfortunately, alcoholism is progressive and drugs are habit forming and the addiction typically worsens. If you have a lot of positive things going for you, being sober and drug-free will help you keep it that way.

Dee74

Scott pretty much nailed it, I think Mrrryah.

It's really important not to succumb to 'analysis paralysis' - remind yourself, and accept, that actually you have been in pretty deep...stay the course, keep it real, and things will get better

D