MrBen

So I've been doing a lot of thinking about why I drank and have urges to drink phychologically. I started after my girlfriend at the time cheated on me and left me with a flat I could not leave or afford on my own. The fear of being alone and being homeless again (my greatest fear) sent me into a spiral of panic attacks and drinking to prevent those panic attacks. Ironically the more I drank the worse my anxiety became when I wasn't drinking, it was a vicious cycle.

So for me the no 1 reason was anxiety.

If you don't know why you drank, then that's something to discuss/think about. I'm of the opinion that by understanding the reasons you're better equipped to fill the gap left by alcohol.

Chilledice

childhood trauma, broken relationship aswell. Serious amount of pain and hatred inside of me aswell as sheer fear! Easier to drink and forget about it!

Soberwolf

I moved away from the town i grew up in after a very traumatic event and I left at 18

As for when I started drinking on problems I'm not even sure it may have been beer leading into spirits then just upping the dosage till I ended up completey lost and I think it started at 21 years old for me

But I can't be sure Ii had my first drink at 15 when I was working and I drank on weekends in pubs cos I look old enough

At 16 I had a blackout from drinking to much in new York and the drinking age is 21 that was 1998 but it didnt happen again n till I was drinking alcoholically

I think I may have always had this coming

Not sure

justinJustQuit

My started out because I was always alone. I would play video games for hours, get tanked with friends, it was fun. But after college, I realized it was my fear of being alone and my bad childhood. After dealing with all that, sobriety has been slowly getting easier.

LBrain

I initially drank because I liked the buzz. Over the years I drank because it was there. Didn't need or want a reason.

Soberpotamus

For the buzz! It also helped my anxiety and childhood trauma issues, temporarily anyway The longer I drank, the more I drank for every reason under the sun. But it was ultimately about the buzz.

PurpleKnight

It was a great way to escape and numb life away at first, I didn't really like myself, so I could disappear in a bottle and not have to worry about anything!!

But after a while I would drink due to boredom, it was something do in the evenings, and by the end it became a habit, a routine!!

Finally when the addiction of alcohol grasped my life, it was something I needed every day, something that I feared loosing from my life, it created a spiral downward that needed to be halted with Sobriety!!

oldsoul1122

I could list 100's of reasons /excuses but the bottom line was that I drank for the feeling of pleasure.

UnixBer

I'm still unsure why I drank. At early recovery I thought it was just for the buzz, later in recovery I was pretty sure it was social anxiety. And now I have no idea. Just a mix of anger and disbelief to follow. I'd sure as hell like to find out. I agree it is vital, whatever the reason is, or if there is no reason.

360shoes

I just started like most people I knew. College.

Unfortunately I liked the high more than I hated the bad stuff. And I could drink more than most day one. I always could down lots of liquids. Alcohol was no exception.

And once I started that brain part that says stop...I couldn't or didn't want to hear.

Nothing too crazy in my life brought me to it. It just was what it was. And what it was wasn't good.

As long as I don't drink it. I seem to be pretty normal in most other aspects of my life. At least as normal as most folks.

I am now 100% sure that's just the way it is. I can't drink. Period. If I do. All bets are off.

I can think of worse things to not be able to do again. I'm just fine knowing I can't drink alcohol.

Now I just have to remember I have a short memory and be careful I don't forget that.

Charlie117926

Social only. I could not wait to turn 21 and hang out in the bars. But that "fun" dwindled into a full blown problem / addiction.

It may have something to do with my parents divorce (I was young) but I don't really use that as the crutch. But in all fairness, I do see how that did contribute to me becoming reckless at a young age. So maybe it does have something to do with it and I never addressed it.

If I could have only made a better decision 21 years ago. But I can only deal with today.

MrBen

Plenty of people who drink lack the ability to accept delayed gratification, so they can't wait until the weekend to drink, their brain is too focused on gaining pleasure now. So that's something which is probably common amongst most of us.

Soberpotamus

UnixBer... that's understandable. My reasons for drinking each time varied, and evolved, I'm sure. Anger, betrayal, shame, guilt, sadness, fear... all of that. And absolutely for social anxiety. Especially in high school and college.

Soberpotamus

But I really think that alcoholics drink because of the effect, ultimately. Problem drinkers, whatever you wanna call it. We have a different reaction and response set off in the brain, from what I've read. There's a euphoria we experience that a non-addict doesn't. It sets it all into place. It's got to do with the neurotransmitters and our different chemistries.

MrBen

That's fascinating. I once read somewhere when looking up stuff about alcoholism a doctor say "it's all about endorphines, saying no to a guaranteed release of temporary happiness is extremely difficult. Serotonin usually wins for us non saints".

I'm going off memory, but I'm fairly sure that was the quote (if not it's very close)/

Soberpotamus

Yeah, it is fascinating... the neuroscience behind it. I had the chance to attend a presentation called The Broken Brain early on in sobriety, and it has been the single most convincing bit of information I've come across that has kept me sober.

anattaboy

Because it felt like freedom...and then it didn't.

ScottFromWI

At first I drank because it was fun and I liked the feeling of being drunk. Towards the end I drank because I needed to and it definitely wasn't fun anymore.

I personally try not to overthink my alcoholism, or it's roots. I accept that I am, and always will be, and i'm not really all that concerned about WHY. Even if I knew why i couldn't change it.

doggonecarl

I'm of the belief that knowing why you drank and staying sober are two different animals.

For one, a lot of people, myself included, lack the introspective skills to objectively indentify the reason one drank. Maybe I will figure how why I picked up the first 10,000 beers, but what about the 40,000 after that? Can I still blame wanting to fit in, or to have fun, or boredom, or peer pressure, or not being breast fed as a baby? No.

So once we are addicted, we have to address "what now" not "what was" and figure out how not to pick up. Because by the time we've come to SR, we've wired our brains to drink or use. That's the reason now.

Just my opinion. Your mileage may vary.

MrBen

I think it depends on the reason. Like my reason is fairly straightforward, I have general anxiety disorder. I take medication, meditate and work out and all this makes not drinking much easier. So understanding why I drank has helped.

Whereas if you suffered childhood trauma.... well I don't know what to do about that. Can't change the past. So yeah, depends I guess.