Lola23

Hi Folks

I've been doing well...11 days today. I know I made it almost 30 before and still slipped so I'm glad to have made it this far but still being sure to stay vigilant. I'm not thinking about forever...just one day at a time for me right now.

That being said, I have a wedding weekend that I leave for tomorrow morning. This is going to be tough. Its a 7 hour drive, I'm riding with my sis and BIL and staying in a house with a group. In the group, there will be drinking. But honestly, everyone are just kinda chill drinkers...a few beers here or there, nothing crazy. I was always the one getting quietly/secretly drunker than everyone else by sneaking glasses of vodka when no one was looking.

The problem is going to be just being around the alcohol in the house and also at the wedding/reception. Its a family wedding, I can't NOT go. Just not an option. So I'm just trying to think of what I'm going to do to stay strong.

I don't know what my plan is...any thoughts from you guys out there??

Anna

Congratulations on 11 days sober!

I would re-think not going. You 'can' not go.

I have no suggestions if you're staying as a group in a house where there is drinking. Will you have a room of your own where you can stay when others are drinking? If you know another sober person in the group, you could hang out with that person at the wedding.

PurpleKnight

Day 11 is early days, and with only making it to 30 days the last time a stronger foundation to your Sobriety might be the best way forward before putting yourself in a situation with alcohol.

If your gonna go, have a non alcoholic drink to hand at all times, retire to bed early rather than having a late night around others drinking, focus on chatting to all the people who aren't drinking, there are always people who don't drink, consider yourself a non drinker for the evening also!!

doggonecarl

I think it's going to be hard. I went to a wedding reception at 9 months and found it difficult, but I managed to stay sober. Eleven days?...Do they know you quit drinking? You might start there.

By the way, what about it being a family wedding makes it mandatory to attend?

ScottFromWI

I would recommend having a definite plan Lola. Every week there are threads exactly like yours posted here on SR - "I"m early in sobriety and I'm going to a wedding/party/etc". Many of them end up being followed up with a "I drank" post on Monday morning.

The difference is how you decided to approach it. And you do have several options.
1. You could choose not to go. No matter how much you think you HAVE to go, you don't. People miss things all the time in life, and if you don't feel you can handle it staying home is a very real option for you.
2. If you do go, you could attend the wedding ceremony itself but not the reception.
3. Have a backup plan so you can get out of any drinking situations if you feel too overwhelmed - it's perfectly fine to just say you aren't feeling well and leave.

Nowsthetime

Hola: went I went to a wedding about a month ago I acted as designated driver. Having that title made me feel more accountable, not only to myself but to others. Life continues, you will have this situations come up. Remember that it's not what comes your way, it's how you respond.

We are here for you. You can do it!!!

melki

My plan in any situation now is "I will not pick up an alcoholic drink for any reason whatsoever."

It might help revisiting some of your most miserable drinking memories, maybe printing your earlier posts on this site even. Having something in writing when you feel your resolve weaken may help. I have a sobriety ring that serves as a constant reminder as to why I made the choice to abstain and to always stay mindful. Remember why you've stopped drinking. Think about how powerful and great you'll feel when you get through this weekend sober. With every victory you get stronger. You can do it.

Live

I am a non-drinker who often found myself at gatherings where the point was to drink.
My frequent tactic was to volunteer to babysit the lil ones.
I would take them upstairs to read to them and put them to bed, then stay there with my own book.
I also had a habit of "wandering off" going for a walk.

Try18

Don't go. Talking from experience here. Stayed sober for a wedding recently, was not long sober again. I relapsed shortly afterwards. Being in that atmosphere definitely played a part. Definitely rethink going.

MIRecovery

The only thing we have to do is stay sober. The rest are choices either good or bad

Lola23

I have a role both in the wedding and the reception. I honestly can't back out 2 days before. Its this big freaking thing. Think "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"...on steroids.

trachemys

OK, you have to go. You don't have to drink. When the drinking starts, get and keep a non-alcoholic beverage in your hand. Waver not, vary not, drink only what you get yourself. Trust no one including yourself.

Repeat after me: I don't drink.

Lola23

Thanks for everyone's responses. I am absolutely just going to take everything you guys said to heart. I have the app downloaded to the Iphone and plan to check in as much as I can.

I actually just found out that the bride's family is pretty devout and so most people from her side won't be drinking (I'm family to the groom). My parents mostly don't drink...my dad will have a beer every now and then...but literally...one or two beers max at a social gathering. My mom not at all. I can't say I have a close relationship with either of them but I'm kind of thinking I'll try making this a weekend that I spend a little more time with them...it will remove me from the group that is drinking and I'll be able to catch up with them some.

I'm also going to use the "not feeling great" and leave early if I need to. The house is not ideal but there just wasn't an option...no hotels in the area..everyone is renting houses.

MIRecovery

I told my only son that I would be at his wedding but made no promises about the reception. I don't know of too many roles bigger than father of the groom. I take my sobriety very seriously because my very life depends on it

Lola23

I don't drink. I don't drink.

Friend: Lola, what are you having?
Lola: Water with a splash of cranberry, thanks!
Friend: That's it?
Lola: Yep, thanks!

trachemys

Armed and dangerous, Lola.

Lola23

MIR - I totally respect that you made that decision!! I posted this in another thread...that one thing that I'm learning is turning down things from the get-go. If I would have said when asked that I wasn't attending and/or couldn't be a part of it, it would have been fine. AND that is what I should have done and have been doing for the last month. I accepted this months ago...I really had no idea I would be where I am today when I accepted.

Just wanted to say that I always appreciate your thoughts (either to me or on other threads I'm lurking in). I am 100% taking what you're saying to heart..and I've definitely been putting myself and my sobriety first. Today, I was actually supposed to have dinner with my sister and BIL and stay at their house since we're leaving super early tomorrow. But I had a feeling it would be one of those "let's start the celebration" type dinners, so I just asked if they could pick me up in the AM instead. They're great anyways...never any pressure from them, but I just thought its best to be home and away from any temptations for as long as possible.

bblackbirdflyy

^ this.

Last September I had around a month of sobriety, went to a wedding and posted about my DUI the next day... haven't made another true attempt to stop until this month. Have a SOLID plan in place. What that plan is ... ? ... stay strong though!!!!

Coldfusion

Have a drink (non-alcoholic) in your hand at all times. This makes me feel comfortable--I drink seltzer with lime. There is something deeply gratifying by that "hand-to-mouth" consumption.

ghostdad

Hi Lola,

Just went through that this past Friday. Open bar for four hours. Back in the day my friends and I would have emptied every single bottle. I am 37 days sober. Like others have suggested I always had a drink in hand or at my table (non-alcoholic). My friends and family, who know what I am going through, were very proud of me. Some even sniffed my drink to make sure I wasn't cheating. I won't lie, it take strength and courage to hold the line. I know you can do it. I wish you all the best and I am sending some of my strength to you.