Trying to take the 1st step
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Irvine CA
Posts: 7
Trying to take the 1st step
I posted my 1st message yesterday and have since been reached out from several people on this board. The support is amazing! I still haven't taken the 1st step-- other than knowing I do have a problem. I have a big vacation coming up. I'm visiting my BFF and we always get together, get drunk, blow lines.... I'm so worried about this trip. Help!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Sobriety is going to take some big changes in life to achieve it, when I got Sober I needed to think about the activities I got involved in and the people I hung out with in order to protect my sobriety.
You can do this, but you need to decide how important changing your life is and stick to your resolve to follow through!!
You can do this, but you need to decide how important changing your life is and stick to your resolve to follow through!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
It could be a good idea to try to take the first step in a conducive environment. This is not always possible but it could be difficult if you put yourself in a situation which has strong associations with drinking/using. I'm 14 days sober and I've needed to retreat a bit from the world to get here... You need to be selfish and think about you at the moment... Good luck and it's good to have you around!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi CAFitGirl 
Unfortunately you'll never find a good time to quit - there'll always be that party or that function or that vacation or conversely that bad day or that awful thing...
Recovery is about making different, sometimes difficult, even painful choices. Maybe this is not the time for you to hang with your BFF?
D
Unfortunately you'll never find a good time to quit - there'll always be that party or that function or that vacation or conversely that bad day or that awful thing...
Recovery is about making different, sometimes difficult, even painful choices. Maybe this is not the time for you to hang with your BFF?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Welcome to SR, I am glad you are here.
Since this person is your BFF is there any way possible you could talk to them about remaining sober for your trip/vacation?
It is worth a try, you never know unless you ask. Put some faith in your friendship and see if they are willing to forgo the alcohol/drugs. If not, then at least you know what to expect and they know where you are in your life.
Hang in there!
Since this person is your BFF is there any way possible you could talk to them about remaining sober for your trip/vacation?
It is worth a try, you never know unless you ask. Put some faith in your friendship and see if they are willing to forgo the alcohol/drugs. If not, then at least you know what to expect and they know where you are in your life.
Hang in there!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I am sure you are going to defend going on vacation as something you can't get out of, as being something you have to do. In reality, there are very few things we absolutely have to do, and a vacation with drugs and drinking isn't one of them.
Even if you don't plan to use, the tempation will be too great. And if you do plan to go and get drunk and high, I should caution you. I have seen a number of early posts from newcomers who were going to quit--right after the next milestone party or whatever--only to be never heard from again. Meaning they had their shot to quit, and didn't take it.
Take your opportunity to quit now. There is no guarantee it will come around again.
Even if you don't plan to use, the tempation will be too great. And if you do plan to go and get drunk and high, I should caution you. I have seen a number of early posts from newcomers who were going to quit--right after the next milestone party or whatever--only to be never heard from again. Meaning they had their shot to quit, and didn't take it.
Take your opportunity to quit now. There is no guarantee it will come around again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Originally Posted by CAFitGirl 
I still haven't taken the 1st step-- other than knowing I do have a problem.
Are you ready to do something about it?
If so, it will mean difficult choices as others have mentioned, but you can't have it both ways. You can continue to go down the path you know or you can do what you know needs to be done. It's up to you.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
CAfitgirl - PurpleKnight stated is well - choices = Changes.
For me, and I am pretty sure others here may agree, the MOST important issue going forward is to not drink or use. The reflective state of admitting we have a problem can take time.
I know members of my AA group that got to step 4 or 5 before they REALLY understood what powerless and unmanageable mean. It's pretty dramatic. Then after steps one and two we have to take action!!
Peace to you CAfit.......anyone can do this who has desire and willingness which leads to faith.
For me, and I am pretty sure others here may agree, the MOST important issue going forward is to not drink or use. The reflective state of admitting we have a problem can take time.
I know members of my AA group that got to step 4 or 5 before they REALLY understood what powerless and unmanageable mean. It's pretty dramatic. Then after steps one and two we have to take action!!
Peace to you CAfit.......anyone can do this who has desire and willingness which leads to faith.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Welcome Fitgirl!
For me admitting and accepting were two very different things entirely! After every binge drunk I would admit my problem and swear I'd never drink/use again, but every two weeks I'd be right back at it. NO amount of negative consequences seemed to matter or derail me. It finally took me seriously hitting rock bottom and facing some serious, serious legal consequences to get my attention! I finally humbled myself and 'accepted' that I have a disease and sought help for my addiction.
Getting together with your BFF without accepting that you have the disease of addiction is only setting yourself up to use, but I think you know this...I always knew when I was setting events inline so I would be able to use. Either way, only you can decide to get help and it starts with acceptance, accept that we have the disease and then get the proper help. Until then I can make you one promise, it WILL get worse and the consequences WILL get more severe until we are humbled enough to ask for help.
If you have the disease of addiction then I hope you get help sooner then later, before it's too late.
For me admitting and accepting were two very different things entirely! After every binge drunk I would admit my problem and swear I'd never drink/use again, but every two weeks I'd be right back at it. NO amount of negative consequences seemed to matter or derail me. It finally took me seriously hitting rock bottom and facing some serious, serious legal consequences to get my attention! I finally humbled myself and 'accepted' that I have a disease and sought help for my addiction.
Getting together with your BFF without accepting that you have the disease of addiction is only setting yourself up to use, but I think you know this...I always knew when I was setting events inline so I would be able to use. Either way, only you can decide to get help and it starts with acceptance, accept that we have the disease and then get the proper help. Until then I can make you one promise, it WILL get worse and the consequences WILL get more severe until we are humbled enough to ask for help.
If you have the disease of addiction then I hope you get help sooner then later, before it's too late.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
Originally Posted by CAFitGirl
I posted my 1st message yesterday and have since been reached out from several people on this board. The support is amazing! I still haven't taken the 1st step-- other than knowing I do have a problem. I have a big vacation coming up. I'm visiting my BFF and we always get together, get drunk, blow lines.... I'm so worried about this trip. Help!
If you are done, cancel the trip. If you mean the 1st step as in AA, then get thee to a meeting and find a sponsor (temporary one if needed). The steps are the solution.
If you are not done, go on the trip. Nothing to freak about if it is status quo. In fact, it may be the thing that REALLY gets you all the way ready to go to any lengths for sobriety.
So either way, it could be a good thing. I chose the latter a bunch of times before choosing the former. Because I still wanted to have fun a couple more times.
Glad you are here.
Working-cl*** pseudo tough
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 485
Originally Posted by mfanch
Make a decision. Are you done yet or not?
If you are done, cancel the trip. If you mean the 1st step as in AA, then get thee to a meeting and find a sponsor (temporary one if needed). The steps are the solution.
If you are not done, go on the trip. Nothing to freak about if it is status quo. In fact, it may be the thing that REALLY gets you all the way ready to go to any lengths for sobriety.
So either way, it could be a good thing. I chose the latter a bunch of times before choosing the former. Because I still wanted to have fun a couple more times.
Glad you are here.
If you are done, cancel the trip. If you mean the 1st step as in AA, then get thee to a meeting and find a sponsor (temporary one if needed). The steps are the solution.
If you are not done, go on the trip. Nothing to freak about if it is status quo. In fact, it may be the thing that REALLY gets you all the way ready to go to any lengths for sobriety.
So either way, it could be a good thing. I chose the latter a bunch of times before choosing the former. Because I still wanted to have fun a couple more times.
Glad you are here.
Me, I'd say, "Are you done and know it?" If so, then go on the trip, and know that you will be able to resist the temptation. In fact, your temperance could serve as a good model for you BFF who may also need help.
If you're not sure if you're done, then don't go. Because you know what will happen.
I still haven't chosen the latter. When I was done and knew I was done, it was time to quit, full stop. No "see you later friend alcohol". Nope, done.
Best wishes, and let us know how things turn out.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Not to tell you what to do, but as others have pointed out, this trip sounds like big trouble, like an excuse to keep drinking/using ("well you are on vacation, it's different than drinking/using in everyday life" - your AV), and a high peer pressure situation to continue to drink/use.
For me to get started in sobriety, I had to make big alterations to my lifestyle. I had planned a trip to see my best friend in Scottsdale this summer. But he's also a huge drunk (that will not fully acknowledge his problem or take steps to correct it) and the last time I went I was drinking every second I was there. To get sober, I cancelled this trip. I can never again take that trip. We can remain friends on some level, but our friendship will be forever different (and weakened) if he remains a drunk. That's a sacrifice I have made for my sobriety. At some point you may need to ask yourself if you are willing to make similar big changes and sacrifices. I'm approaching two months sober and I don't even know if he is going to remain a good friend of mine going forward, him and I just don't see the world the same way anymore (at least the same as I am beginning to see it). And I have to accept that, sobriety is worth it.
For me to get started in sobriety, I had to make big alterations to my lifestyle. I had planned a trip to see my best friend in Scottsdale this summer. But he's also a huge drunk (that will not fully acknowledge his problem or take steps to correct it) and the last time I went I was drinking every second I was there. To get sober, I cancelled this trip. I can never again take that trip. We can remain friends on some level, but our friendship will be forever different (and weakened) if he remains a drunk. That's a sacrifice I have made for my sobriety. At some point you may need to ask yourself if you are willing to make similar big changes and sacrifices. I'm approaching two months sober and I don't even know if he is going to remain a good friend of mine going forward, him and I just don't see the world the same way anymore (at least the same as I am beginning to see it). And I have to accept that, sobriety is worth it.
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