Marriage in Jeopardy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 5
Marriage in Jeopardy
Hi. Firstly, I'd like to say I'm happy I have found this site. The support on here seems amazing.
A little bit about me. I'm in my early 30s, have an amazing and beautiful wife, am educated, have a good and stable job, and a nice house. Seemingly I'm happy. So, I'm not sure why I am addicted to alcohol. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of something, maybe it's self esteem, or I guess I just really enjoy the feeling of getting drunk. Whatever the cause is, I can't keep going on like this.
It's not like I get drunk every day. In fact, most days I don't even drink. I'm more of a weekend drinker; but when I do drink, I drink to get drunk. I know this is not okay, yet I haven't been able to stop. It's gotten to the point where where now my marriage to my amazing wife is in serious jeopardy. On countless occasions my wife has confronted me about my drinking. After each of these confrontations, I apologize profusely and tell her it won't happen again. Deep down I believe I will stop and have every intention of stopping. But, invariably a couple weeks may pass and I fall back into my old habits. I realize my actions weigh much more heavily than my words/crying/apologies. I know, it's a disease, a sickness, but it's also my responsibility to handle it. For myself. For my wife. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way.
Previously I have told myself I could control this problem. Start drinking like a normal, non-addicted person. Obviously these attempts have failed miserably. This is the last chance I will be afforded. I must cut out drinking completely from my life. For my marriage, it's now or never.
I am committed to ending this cycle and plan to use this forum to achieve this.
Thanks for this sounding board.
A little bit about me. I'm in my early 30s, have an amazing and beautiful wife, am educated, have a good and stable job, and a nice house. Seemingly I'm happy. So, I'm not sure why I am addicted to alcohol. Maybe deep down I'm afraid of something, maybe it's self esteem, or I guess I just really enjoy the feeling of getting drunk. Whatever the cause is, I can't keep going on like this.
It's not like I get drunk every day. In fact, most days I don't even drink. I'm more of a weekend drinker; but when I do drink, I drink to get drunk. I know this is not okay, yet I haven't been able to stop. It's gotten to the point where where now my marriage to my amazing wife is in serious jeopardy. On countless occasions my wife has confronted me about my drinking. After each of these confrontations, I apologize profusely and tell her it won't happen again. Deep down I believe I will stop and have every intention of stopping. But, invariably a couple weeks may pass and I fall back into my old habits. I realize my actions weigh much more heavily than my words/crying/apologies. I know, it's a disease, a sickness, but it's also my responsibility to handle it. For myself. For my wife. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way.
Previously I have told myself I could control this problem. Start drinking like a normal, non-addicted person. Obviously these attempts have failed miserably. This is the last chance I will be afforded. I must cut out drinking completely from my life. For my marriage, it's now or never.
I am committed to ending this cycle and plan to use this forum to achieve this.
Thanks for this sounding board.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 24
Thanks for sharing your story and more importantly, welcome! Reading your post was as if I were reading my post from a year ago. If you truly want to make a change, you will. If you ever want someone to talk with, I'm here. You can do this.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR. Congratulations on your decision to pursue a sober life.
When I was your age I drank like you drink - just a few days a week, but always to excess. 15 years later I was drinking every day, sometimes at work, sometimes in the mornings, sometimes for days on end. The lies, the hiding, the fights all got worse. I heartily recommend that you quit now. I wish I had when I was in my early 30s.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
When I was your age I drank like you drink - just a few days a week, but always to excess. 15 years later I was drinking every day, sometimes at work, sometimes in the mornings, sometimes for days on end. The lies, the hiding, the fights all got worse. I heartily recommend that you quit now. I wish I had when I was in my early 30s.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
HI and welcome. Your post has identification for many of us. So many I’m sorry moments proving worthless shortly thereafter, lying to ourselves and others, making oaths that are soon broken and on and on. For too many it’s very difficult to escape the talons of alcoholism without a lot of long term work and making changes. I was undisciplined and would not accept that I could not drink in safety even with all the evidence I accumulated. This disease is powerful and progressive which means it never gets better if we continue to feed it to our body. I found that out the way many do.
The way sobriety works is we don’t pick up the first drink so we don’t have to get sober AGAIN.
Then we work on our issues that we drank for to assure further sobriety.
Stopping drinking is simple, not always easy in the beginning. This forum has much help available along with other methods if we WORK them.
BE WELL
The way sobriety works is we don’t pick up the first drink so we don’t have to get sober AGAIN.
Then we work on our issues that we drank for to assure further sobriety.
Stopping drinking is simple, not always easy in the beginning. This forum has much help available along with other methods if we WORK them.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 24
IOAA2 - Thank you for your comment. I needed to read this today 
Originally Posted by IOAA2 
HI and welcome. Your post has identification for many of us. So many I’m sorry moments proving worthless shortly thereafter, lying to ourselves and others, making oaths that are soon broken and on and on. For too many it’s very difficult to escape the talons of alcoholism without a lot of long term work and making changes. I was undisciplined and would not accept that I could not drink in safety even with all the evidence I accumulated. This disease is powerful and progressive which means it never gets better if we continue to feed it to our body. I found that out the way many do.
The way sobriety works is we don’t pick up the first drink so we don’t have to get sober AGAIN.
Then we work on our issues that we drank for to assure further sobriety.
Stopping drinking is simple, not always easy in the beginning. This forum has much help available along with other methods if we WORK them.
BE WELL
The way sobriety works is we don’t pick up the first drink so we don’t have to get sober AGAIN.
Then we work on our issues that we drank for to assure further sobriety.
Stopping drinking is simple, not always easy in the beginning. This forum has much help available along with other methods if we WORK them.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
Over the years in recovery I have seen
marriages that have stood the test of time,
the test of lifes ups and downs. They
acknowledged the problem, then sought
help for each to support each other.
Communication and understanding is important
within a marriage or relationship. Without it,
the union of 2 will fail like it did with my own
25 yr. marriage.
I was the one who entered recovery when
we were about 8 yrs married back in 1990.
Because I was the only one with an addiction
illness, the rest of the family didn't truly
understand addiction.
Over the yrs, I worked on remaining sober
incorporating tools and knowledge of a recovery
program taught to me and slowly I began to
change and become healthy leaving the rest
of the family scratching their heads as to what
happened to me.
My values in life changed and what I use to
use alcohol to numb or inhance all areas of
my life wasn't their anymore. All those layers
I use to hide behind slowly peeled away leaving
the vunerable me to live life on lifes terms.
Sadly my spouse and kids went on their merry
way living life as meant to be and our 25 yr.
marriage ended peacefully.
Im remarried happy, healthy, honest with
24 yrs sobriety inching closer. Today I do
have that understanding and support in my
life and recovery and SR has become a huge
part of that strength that holds me up each
day I wake up sober.
Support....Communication.....Understanding....
Love....Care.... is the glue that holds a marriage
together under many circumstances life throws
at us. Even addiction.
marriages that have stood the test of time,
the test of lifes ups and downs. They
acknowledged the problem, then sought
help for each to support each other.
Communication and understanding is important
within a marriage or relationship. Without it,
the union of 2 will fail like it did with my own
25 yr. marriage.
I was the one who entered recovery when
we were about 8 yrs married back in 1990.
Because I was the only one with an addiction
illness, the rest of the family didn't truly
understand addiction.
Over the yrs, I worked on remaining sober
incorporating tools and knowledge of a recovery
program taught to me and slowly I began to
change and become healthy leaving the rest
of the family scratching their heads as to what
happened to me.
My values in life changed and what I use to
use alcohol to numb or inhance all areas of
my life wasn't their anymore. All those layers
I use to hide behind slowly peeled away leaving
the vunerable me to live life on lifes terms.
Sadly my spouse and kids went on their merry
way living life as meant to be and our 25 yr.
marriage ended peacefully.
Im remarried happy, healthy, honest with
24 yrs sobriety inching closer. Today I do
have that understanding and support in my
life and recovery and SR has become a huge
part of that strength that holds me up each
day I wake up sober.
Support....Communication.....Understanding....
Love....Care.... is the glue that holds a marriage
together under many circumstances life throws
at us. Even addiction.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i was just like you at one time with my drinking
i would only drink at the weekends but when i drank i got drunk, and when i was drunk i would be such a changed man a little monster would be released and all around me would suffer from it
i went to aa and they explained to me how when i pick up the first drink it would then start a craving off inside of me that i needed more and more
without picking up the first drink i couldnt get that craving
however what i did crave for was the feeling the booze gave me
it made me happy and feel free
but the problem was i couldnt stop when i had the drink inside of me
it was like lighting a fuse and the fuse would lead up to a huge bang nothing could stop that huge bang once the fuse was lit
thats how my weekend bindge drinking was for me
but i didnt stop there i carried on and i lost my family and still carried on i lost my business and still carried on
what i had done was progressed to the next level i needed a drink to help me get over the weekend drinking as i would feel horibale and hung over etc so a another drink would soon stop me feeling that way
but the fuse is lit again so i end up getting drunk again but now its a monday when i should be sober
over time it gets worse and the days i choose not to drink get shorter until in the end i needed the drink everyday just to live
full of fear with the outside world drink would help me stay indoors and away from people and drink as life was now crap
so i read your post and remember myself in your postion many years ago and if only i had woke up to my problem back then i could of save my family and my furture from the destruction that i had to go down
good luck to you my friend
and if like me you would think to yourself that your not that bad then also put the word yet at the end of it
as i wasnt that bad yet but given enough time i ended up that bad
i am an alcoholic and i suffer from an illness called alcoholism
i would only drink at the weekends but when i drank i got drunk, and when i was drunk i would be such a changed man a little monster would be released and all around me would suffer from it
i went to aa and they explained to me how when i pick up the first drink it would then start a craving off inside of me that i needed more and more
without picking up the first drink i couldnt get that craving
however what i did crave for was the feeling the booze gave me
it made me happy and feel free
but the problem was i couldnt stop when i had the drink inside of me
it was like lighting a fuse and the fuse would lead up to a huge bang nothing could stop that huge bang once the fuse was lit
thats how my weekend bindge drinking was for me
but i didnt stop there i carried on and i lost my family and still carried on i lost my business and still carried on
what i had done was progressed to the next level i needed a drink to help me get over the weekend drinking as i would feel horibale and hung over etc so a another drink would soon stop me feeling that way
but the fuse is lit again so i end up getting drunk again but now its a monday when i should be sober
over time it gets worse and the days i choose not to drink get shorter until in the end i needed the drink everyday just to live
full of fear with the outside world drink would help me stay indoors and away from people and drink as life was now crap
so i read your post and remember myself in your postion many years ago and if only i had woke up to my problem back then i could of save my family and my furture from the destruction that i had to go down
good luck to you my friend
and if like me you would think to yourself that your not that bad then also put the word yet at the end of it
as i wasnt that bad yet but given enough time i ended up that bad
i am an alcoholic and i suffer from an illness called alcoholism
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: virgin islands
Posts: 145
I can identify with your situation, with the exception that I was married to a co-drinker at the time. I ended up in my mid/late 30's divorced and chose to cut back on my drinking. I met someone new and started on a wonderful relationship, but my drinking was still there. Over time my consumption increased. I came to the realization that the alcohol was also causing depression and I was back where I was many years prior. I knew I had to quit. I researched everything I could about quitting drinking, including this forum, and set a date to quit. On that day I attended my first AA meeting. I found myself surrounded by others that had gone through similar struggles. Some lost everything. Some, like myself, were what they called 'low bottom', where we came to realize our problem and took action before things got too bad. This sounds like where you are.
Being around others in AA helped me understand the problem and how to stay stopped. I'd suggest you try a meeting or two. It's not the only way to stop drinking but it sure helped me find sobriety and a better way of life.
Good luck.
Being around others in AA helped me understand the problem and how to stay stopped. I'd suggest you try a meeting or two. It's not the only way to stop drinking but it sure helped me find sobriety and a better way of life.
Good luck.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Welcome to the SR forum forchange.
In the early weeks of my commitment to remove alcohol from my life, I stayed logged into SR as frequently as possible. Read as much as you can and post as often as you like. The habits and reflexes involving alcohol were in many more places than anticipated.
Support is key. Do you have a therapist, psychologist or real life sounding board other than your wife at all? How about a good pair of running shoes and headphones? Old habits will need to be replaced with new...especially during the times you used to take the first drink. Prepare yourself. Ask for advice at every turn, but do not take a drink. You can do this!! Now is your time.
In the early weeks of my commitment to remove alcohol from my life, I stayed logged into SR as frequently as possible. Read as much as you can and post as often as you like. The habits and reflexes involving alcohol were in many more places than anticipated.
Support is key. Do you have a therapist, psychologist or real life sounding board other than your wife at all? How about a good pair of running shoes and headphones? Old habits will need to be replaced with new...especially during the times you used to take the first drink. Prepare yourself. Ask for advice at every turn, but do not take a drink. You can do this!! Now is your time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Welcome forchange!
You story will indeed resonate with many here and it certainly does me. I've been married for 17 years and I would go days with out drinking as well. BUT, when I did drink i would drink till blackout and oblivion! Time after time i made promises that I eventually broke every time. Addiction/alcoholism is a disease and a disease needs treatment. I found my treatment in AA and it has saved my life and my marriage.
I'm sure your wife is tired of the promises just like mine was. They wan't to see action, humbling myself and asking for help by attending AA was the action I needed to take to save myself and the action she needed to see that I was serious this time! Now, I am actively involved in AA, have a sponsor and am working the steps! My wife has joined Alanon and is active in that program and our marriage is stronger than it has ever been!
SR is a great forum and I use it everyday for support and to try and be of service to others, but for me, it took face to face meetings with like minded people to start truly recovering from this disease! I'm sure there's a meeting in your area tonight, Google it, find it and give it a try. Pulling for you and your marriage!
You story will indeed resonate with many here and it certainly does me. I've been married for 17 years and I would go days with out drinking as well. BUT, when I did drink i would drink till blackout and oblivion! Time after time i made promises that I eventually broke every time. Addiction/alcoholism is a disease and a disease needs treatment. I found my treatment in AA and it has saved my life and my marriage.
I'm sure your wife is tired of the promises just like mine was. They wan't to see action, humbling myself and asking for help by attending AA was the action I needed to take to save myself and the action she needed to see that I was serious this time! Now, I am actively involved in AA, have a sponsor and am working the steps! My wife has joined Alanon and is active in that program and our marriage is stronger than it has ever been!
SR is a great forum and I use it everyday for support and to try and be of service to others, but for me, it took face to face meetings with like minded people to start truly recovering from this disease! I'm sure there's a meeting in your area tonight, Google it, find it and give it a try. Pulling for you and your marriage!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
If your marriage is more important to you than drinking,
you need to stop drinking totally, get some help, and demonstrate that through actions and not words.
That means building a solid program of sober recovery and sticking to it.
No exceptions.
Your spouse no longer believes your words. Mine didn't either.
It took me stopping totally, and months of working on active recovery to build
back any credibility with him.
My life without alcohol is better than I could have ever believed.
I was afraid my life would be boring and horrible without drinking, but I was very wrong.
I only wish I had stopped many years sooner than I did.
But that was my choice, and you have the same one to make.
I wish you the best.
you need to stop drinking totally, get some help, and demonstrate that through actions and not words.
That means building a solid program of sober recovery and sticking to it.
No exceptions.
Your spouse no longer believes your words. Mine didn't either.
It took me stopping totally, and months of working on active recovery to build
back any credibility with him.
My life without alcohol is better than I could have ever believed.
I was afraid my life would be boring and horrible without drinking, but I was very wrong.
I only wish I had stopped many years sooner than I did.
But that was my choice, and you have the same one to make.
I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
I was like you at 30 too. I would only drink on the weekends but would put in good effort when I did. In fact, if people or places got in the way of those fun activities I would steamroll them as they were "obstacles." I was married for 3 yrs around this time and have my first child 7 yrs into the marriage. I was unable to stop drinking when my wife was pregnant and would take more trips to indulge and let my true drinking self come out. Then three yrs later with the birth of my son I started to get complacent with my career and my drinking took on a new purpose. But the booze started to bore me so cocaine became my newest addiction. The problem when we graduate to stronger substances is they speed the elevator up. I drank daily for maintenance and the benders of old became benders but with drugs and alcohol mixed in. It was a two year spiral to Hell. I did not loose much of my worldly possessions or my marriage but I lost myself.
As I began recovery my marriage was on life support. What I learned after getting sober is just how manipulative I was in controlling my wife. Sick and twisted was my idelaogoy of a healthy marriage. It took lots of open communication and work to resuscitate it. My marriage is also irrelevant to my sobriety I used to confuse the two I don't now.
Isn't life full of paradoxes? As I have released my wife our bond is becoming stronger. As I let go and accept my problems I began to heal? Acceptance is key, as has been letting go for me.
Good luck
As I began recovery my marriage was on life support. What I learned after getting sober is just how manipulative I was in controlling my wife. Sick and twisted was my idelaogoy of a healthy marriage. It took lots of open communication and work to resuscitate it. My marriage is also irrelevant to my sobriety I used to confuse the two I don't now.
Isn't life full of paradoxes? As I have released my wife our bond is becoming stronger. As I let go and accept my problems I began to heal? Acceptance is key, as has been letting go for me.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
yup! -all of the above. i worried at the beginning that i would suffer without my "buddy in a bottle". This was wrong. i enjoy things more without it. and all those years, i thought it was an enhancement to good times...hell, i dont remember half of them. LOL! i laugh at it so i wont get to upset about the wasted time.
early 30's, huh? perfect time to stop. my third decade flew by me-buzzed or hungover half the time. you are in your prime. make it count!
welcome aboard.
early 30's, huh? perfect time to stop. my third decade flew by me-buzzed or hungover half the time. you are in your prime. make it count!
welcome aboard.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 596
Welcome aboard. Just a slightly different perspective, although jdooner alluded to it as well. You should want to get sober for yourself first and foremost. Getting sober solely because of a relationship or to appease another person may not always be effective. Take a look at what alcohol is doing to you, how it is negatively impacting your life, your health, the way others see you, the way you wish to be v. the way you are, the sacrifices you are making to fit in your drinking and hangovers, etc. From your post, it seems that you are generally ok with how you drink ("It's not like I get drunk every day. In fact, most days I don't even drink.") other than the effect it has on your wife. Change has to come from within, not from external forces in my opinion. You have to be sick of it and want to change for yourself, that's what it took for me to finally get some sober time to stick.
Lot of support on this site... keep reading around
Lot of support on this site... keep reading around
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 5
Thanks to all who have taken the time to read about my situation and especially those who have commented with advice, support, and parallels. It truly means a lot to realize total strangers have your back and are pulling for you.
I also wanted to respond to a comment above. I am totally not okay with how I drink. I probably didn't state it eloquently enough in my introduction. I just wanted to illustrate what kind of a drunk I've become. Binge drinking every weekend and mostly staying sober during the work week. That's what I've been doing for a while now; not that that makes me any better or less sick than someone who drinks all day every day.
Finally, I want to change for both my wife and myself. She deserve a better me. I deserve to be treating myself better. It was my wife who has made me come to this realization more quickly than I could have done on my own.
I know it will be difficult, but I am very excited to start this chapter of my life.
I also wanted to respond to a comment above. I am totally not okay with how I drink. I probably didn't state it eloquently enough in my introduction. I just wanted to illustrate what kind of a drunk I've become. Binge drinking every weekend and mostly staying sober during the work week. That's what I've been doing for a while now; not that that makes me any better or less sick than someone who drinks all day every day.
Finally, I want to change for both my wife and myself. She deserve a better me. I deserve to be treating myself better. It was my wife who has made me come to this realization more quickly than I could have done on my own.
I know it will be difficult, but I am very excited to start this chapter of my life.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 236
Welcome to SR, Forchange. Even tho I've been a member for a few years, I am finally getting serious about quitting the bottle for good. Thought I could get by with the status quo of weekend only drinking, but it slowly was escalating. The problem, however, never goes away and I don't want to look back at my life in another decade and regret not getting sober. Good luck to you. Everyone here at SR does have your back and is great about helping each other.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
You can spend a lot of time and effort trying to figure out why you get drunk. I'm not sure it matters.
Maybe it's real simple. Once you start drinking you get drunk because you are an alcoholic. I've done a lot of reading on the biological issues involved, but really, trying to find the causative factors doesn't really matter. The key is, don't drink that first drink.
You need to develop a plan to get and stay sober before you start to lose stuff, like you wife, your job, your health, your driver's license, etc. What finally worked for me was this website and AA. This website helped a lot, but going to AA and meeting other people face to face was huge. The Dr. that treated me during my last medical detox, shared with me that he was a member of AA. Going to AA also showed my wife that I was committed to taking action to stay sober (talk is cheap).
It wasn't always easy, and there were some bumps in the road, but I've now got a few years under my belt. And my marriage is the best it's every been.
Sobriety makes dealing with life so much easier.
Maybe it's real simple. Once you start drinking you get drunk because you are an alcoholic. I've done a lot of reading on the biological issues involved, but really, trying to find the causative factors doesn't really matter. The key is, don't drink that first drink.
You need to develop a plan to get and stay sober before you start to lose stuff, like you wife, your job, your health, your driver's license, etc. What finally worked for me was this website and AA. This website helped a lot, but going to AA and meeting other people face to face was huge. The Dr. that treated me during my last medical detox, shared with me that he was a member of AA. Going to AA also showed my wife that I was committed to taking action to stay sober (talk is cheap).
It wasn't always easy, and there were some bumps in the road, but I've now got a few years under my belt. And my marriage is the best it's every been.
Sobriety makes dealing with life so much easier.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
hey there.... and welcome to sobriety!!!
Congratulations on taking a really hard first step. That one makes the rest of the hard steps at least a little bit easier.
I agree with zebra up there - spend less time trying to 'understand why' and more time just focusing on WHY SOBRIETY IS BETTER!!!
You clearly have a LOT of evidence about the down sides of drinking and why it's not working for you. One of the biggest enablers of sobriety for me has been just staying focused on how good life is without drinking. Does that mean I'm all happy and roses and everything is awesome all the time? Oh hell no. But it does mean that I haven't got self loathing and shame and regret and feelings of helplessness and failure to load up on top of life's other challenges. It does mean I'm conscious, present and aware. It means I can face life's challenges fully and - more importantly - celebrate life's JOY completely.
I promise you this; if you choose to honor this step you've taken and embrace living your life conscious, awake, aware and un-hazed by the veil of addiction; you will be grateful beyond your imagination that you did.
You will need action to back up these words of choice. Our habits are powerful and tricky and confusing. You need to change some of your routines and introduce a conscious, focused effort to change. I also suggest AA. It may not resonate with you, but please give it a chance. You don't have to accept all of it, you don't have to agree with it... just go and give it a chance with an open mind and the awareness that you can learn a lot about this challenge we face and if you go and you get a big book and you read it cover to cover and you keep going for at least 90 days.... you WILL gain tools and insights that will help you honor your choice of sobriety, regardless whether you 'agree' with AA or find it to be your "thing".
SR is a fantastic resource, but nothing can really take the place of the power of sitting face to face with other people in a room full of folks who really get it.
You can do this
Congratulations on taking a really hard first step. That one makes the rest of the hard steps at least a little bit easier.
I agree with zebra up there - spend less time trying to 'understand why' and more time just focusing on WHY SOBRIETY IS BETTER!!!
You clearly have a LOT of evidence about the down sides of drinking and why it's not working for you. One of the biggest enablers of sobriety for me has been just staying focused on how good life is without drinking. Does that mean I'm all happy and roses and everything is awesome all the time? Oh hell no. But it does mean that I haven't got self loathing and shame and regret and feelings of helplessness and failure to load up on top of life's other challenges. It does mean I'm conscious, present and aware. It means I can face life's challenges fully and - more importantly - celebrate life's JOY completely.
I promise you this; if you choose to honor this step you've taken and embrace living your life conscious, awake, aware and un-hazed by the veil of addiction; you will be grateful beyond your imagination that you did.
You will need action to back up these words of choice. Our habits are powerful and tricky and confusing. You need to change some of your routines and introduce a conscious, focused effort to change. I also suggest AA. It may not resonate with you, but please give it a chance. You don't have to accept all of it, you don't have to agree with it... just go and give it a chance with an open mind and the awareness that you can learn a lot about this challenge we face and if you go and you get a big book and you read it cover to cover and you keep going for at least 90 days.... you WILL gain tools and insights that will help you honor your choice of sobriety, regardless whether you 'agree' with AA or find it to be your "thing".
SR is a fantastic resource, but nothing can really take the place of the power of sitting face to face with other people in a room full of folks who really get it.
You can do this
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