The bottle might be done with me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 14
The bottle might be done with me
But I'm not done with the bottle...
The last time I decided to stop drinking, I received wonderful support from this board, my appreciation continues and I am in awe of the love and wisdom the individuals have shown me on this board. Thank you! Please don't be insulted by my return to drinking, it has nothing to do with anyone but me (but I'm sure you know that already). I'd like to share a bit more.
3 years ago everything in my life changed. As bad as the circumstances were (and they were as ugly as they come), it was the aspect of change that shook me the most. These circumstances were completely unrelated to myself or my drinking. I tried for years to prevent the storm that was completely out of my power and eventually accepted there was nothing I could do but drink to shut it all out. I know the only thing that stays constant in life is change, but to me, change is the worst case scenario. When I had my first sip of alcohol at age 14 (28 now), all of my pain and anxiety evaporated in that second and I have never looked back. My life has become very isolated, but I can't call it lonely with this big glass of red, I can only call it a means to an inevitable end.
I've lost my spirit and I've lost years, willingly, to alcohol. I have this positive view of it, as if it kept up it's side of the bargain. I can't even function in a conversation sober, never would have had a relationship sober, most friendships and a lot more. What is the point of giving it up? Inspriation please!!
Love to all of you
The last time I decided to stop drinking, I received wonderful support from this board, my appreciation continues and I am in awe of the love and wisdom the individuals have shown me on this board. Thank you! Please don't be insulted by my return to drinking, it has nothing to do with anyone but me (but I'm sure you know that already). I'd like to share a bit more.
3 years ago everything in my life changed. As bad as the circumstances were (and they were as ugly as they come), it was the aspect of change that shook me the most. These circumstances were completely unrelated to myself or my drinking. I tried for years to prevent the storm that was completely out of my power and eventually accepted there was nothing I could do but drink to shut it all out. I know the only thing that stays constant in life is change, but to me, change is the worst case scenario. When I had my first sip of alcohol at age 14 (28 now), all of my pain and anxiety evaporated in that second and I have never looked back. My life has become very isolated, but I can't call it lonely with this big glass of red, I can only call it a means to an inevitable end.
I've lost my spirit and I've lost years, willingly, to alcohol. I have this positive view of it, as if it kept up it's side of the bargain. I can't even function in a conversation sober, never would have had a relationship sober, most friendships and a lot more. What is the point of giving it up? Inspriation please!!
Love to all of you
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi Dreamer0
The point of giving it up is you get to live again.
I know you've convinced yourself you're doing ok, but my world shrank to my 2 roomed apartment. I did nothing but drink and went nowhere but the bottle shop or to friends places who were fellow alcoholics...
And then there comes a time when the alcohol stops working.
No matter how much you drink you don't get the buzz and you forget nothing.
There's no worse place to be.
All you get is self loathing and a hatred of the wold and everything in it.
Whatever started you drinking was obviously horrible - but continuing to drink promises to be even worse.
I know you dream of a better life - we all did. The only way to get there is to put down the bottle.
Yes, it's rough, & yes it means change - but you don't have to do it alone.
There's thousand of us here waiting and wanting to help
D
The point of giving it up is you get to live again.
I know you've convinced yourself you're doing ok, but my world shrank to my 2 roomed apartment. I did nothing but drink and went nowhere but the bottle shop or to friends places who were fellow alcoholics...
And then there comes a time when the alcohol stops working.
No matter how much you drink you don't get the buzz and you forget nothing.
There's no worse place to be.
All you get is self loathing and a hatred of the wold and everything in it.
Whatever started you drinking was obviously horrible - but continuing to drink promises to be even worse.
I know you dream of a better life - we all did. The only way to get there is to put down the bottle.
Yes, it's rough, & yes it means change - but you don't have to do it alone.
There's thousand of us here waiting and wanting to help
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Western Washington
Posts: 202
I know how it feels to have wine to turn off the pain--but then it's there waiting when you wake up.
You can learn to converse sober--but you have to be sober to practice. I felt. Like alcohol kept telling me I needed it to be comfortable socially, but I'm finding that in reality it made me less comfortable, since I was always worrying about whether others thought I was drinking too much, when was I going to get another drink, etc. Now I can just focus all my energy on the conversation.
You can learn to converse sober--but you have to be sober to practice. I felt. Like alcohol kept telling me I needed it to be comfortable socially, but I'm finding that in reality it made me less comfortable, since I was always worrying about whether others thought I was drinking too much, when was I going to get another drink, etc. Now I can just focus all my energy on the conversation.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Thanks for reminding me kitkat. The only person who ever worried about me was ME. I've heard it so many times. Did I dress right, does my hair look right, are my shoes the right color, did I , am I. Sometimes we are so obsessed with ourselves that we don't give ourselves a chance to function. Don't try to be yourself, just be. Once you get over the horror of living with yourself without being drunk all the time, you're going to find it not so horrible after all. And others are going to like you a whole lot more too. Promise!
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Dreamer0, I doubt anyone here is insulted that you have gone back to drink, most will have empathy and compassion. That instant satisfaction that the first sip provides for a brief period of time is so powerful we block out all the negative consequences that comes with it and go back over and over again. Rootin for ya. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Brooklyn, ny
Posts: 734
You are young and have a tremendous capacity to heal physically, mentally, and spiritually but not if you keep drinking. It seems to be the easy way out but it will take you down and steal your life which despite everything is still so precious. You deserve to have a good life and that will require seeking help, which I commend you for doing here. But I believe you need to seek out professional help for the awful wound that is causing your self destructive behavior. Wishing you wellness and peace.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
