kellygurl1711

How do you guys handle the questions when friends and family ask why you quit drinking? I feel awkward explaining I'm an alcoholic to them. And have you found that you stopped hanging around your friends as much?

ontherightpath

Hey Kelly, I didn't need to explain why I quit to those closest to me. To the ones that really weren't friends, but were drinking buddies, I just had to make changes and not hang with them as much.

Today I don't have an explanation, unless I am blatantly asked. To which I reply I am allergic to alcohol, I tend to break out in blackouts, arguments and emotional roller coasters. Lol
It's truly more uncomfortable for them than it is myself.

I certainly lost some "friends" in the process, but I gained many more and I gained knowledge and understanding that many people face battles daily that we have no idea about!!!

Raider

Why do I have to be 25 or under.......

least

I'm 62, so don't know if my opinion is valid, but... I don't explain anything. I just state that I don't drink anymore and if anyone asks further I ask them why my not drinking bothers them.

kellygurl1711

You know, i thought the pressures to drink as a young adult at parties and bars was different for some reason but it's really not is it? Maybe i just posted 25under because i have an aa group I'm going to now but they're all in their 50s and older and i just wasnt relatingto their stories about grandchildren and "back in the day" but I'm the problem there now i see. I need to open myears and find things i can relate to i guess no matter how different the people are from me. I just can't seem to relate outside of the meeting and have conversation. Out makes it hard to find a sponser for me because I'm quite shy and don't like small talk.

least

Next meeting you go to, why don't you tell them you're looking for a sponsor. I'll bet you get people coming up to you afterward.

Solar

If you're looking for a short, easy answer (one that avoids you going into detail about your personal issues with alcohol), the one I find most effective is: "I don't really like it."

This is my favorite answer for people who never knew you as a non-drinker. "Why don't you want a beer?" "Because I don't like it." "Why not?" "Because I don't." It's an easy answer that is always a valid reason. It is also (for your own personal reasons) 100% true.

This also works for people who knew you've been drinking, though it might take a bit longer to get it through to them. "Why don't you want a beer?" "Because I've realized I don't really like it." "Well, you used to like it." "Well, I don't anymore." If you have to, you might say, "I've decided I don't like the way it makes me feel. I'll just stick to soda."

For closer friends and family, you could also choose to respond with an answer that is more honest. I am sure that those friends and family members who care about you and your health would understand and support you.

Admiral

If people ask why I don't drink, I tell them it's because I choose not to.

I don't hang out with the old crowd anymore, I went to see an old friend last week and it was very awkward and strange to see where he was at. It seemed like he had mentally deteriorated a little bit, he's certainly changed from when he was younger.

MyTime86

I just tell people I can't deal with the hang overs anymore. They always agree an we move the conversation along

Taking5

I don't know where you are from (Frankfort KY?) but you might look for a young people's in AA group. I flat out guarantee you they exist in Lexington KY, it being a college town and all.

In terms of what you say, I just started being honest - I choose not to drink for health reasons. It keeps me more accountable to myself and to my recovery.

PurpleKnight

To give you a different angle on things, I didn't drink UNTIL I was 25 years old, so from 18 till then I went through all social situations having to repeat, "I'm not drinking", in the same way I do now, only this time it's for a different reason.

Back then it wasn't due to a problem, it was just personal choice, as my dad was an alcoholic, so I abstained from it, but it's weird how, now because there is a reason, it comes with a lot more stress and pressure.

But at the end of the day, if I met someone from those years who didn't know me when I drank, they wouldn't know the difference.

Knat84

I have been having this issue myself. Especially with family. I was such a heavy drinker that my family still does not believe that I DON'T drink. I told my uncle "I don't drink anymore." and he replied "Or any less?!?!" ..*sigh*.. It's frustrating. lol. And I have been sober for nearly 3 years!!! I have screamed it at them and yet, they still think that a strawberry daiquiri is just a dessert drink that I can consume. My grandmother (every time we go to dinner) asks me why I don't order a drink like the rest of the family. I'm going to start making up elaborate stories because nothing I've stated regarding my sobriety has gotten through to them. I've sternly stated in front of EVERY BODY I'm an alc-o-hol-ic I can't drink. They really don't understand alcoholism. lol. booze just is a part of some families history and is taken very lightly. - So, what should you say??? I don't know, but, when you think of something, tell me! Thanks!!! xoxoxo

tomsteve

I can relate to the old fart thing. when I got into AA I was 36. I didn't see how them people 50 and over could have a clue what was goin on with me. they were old!!!
that woman 56 years old? 29 when she got into recovery
that 67 year old man? 33 when he got into recovery.
that 62 year old man? 37 years of sobriety.

yup, I had to open my ears and listen. when I did that, I heard me. and the solution.
it was them talks outside of the meetings with my sponsor that I found out just how similar our lines and thinking were while drinking.

lifenomad

im 31 now, I started drinking daily when I was around 19, its just now hitting me hard how much time I wasted. How I wish I could take it back. If its hard to find someone 25 or under, its maybe because most of them probably don't want to stop drinking yet.

When someone asks why I quit drinking because it is so hard to believe, I just say I don't like it anymore. I don't tell them about all the problems, I don't tell them because I woke up passed out on the concrete outside too many times, I don't tell them its because I pissed myself on the bed when I got blacked out drunk, I don't tell them I neglected my family enough and I am still searching for that love i put to the side for so long. They wouldn't understand.

The ones that do understand, are the ones that wouldn't need to ask why you stopped.

Sulu1

I'm 22, started drinking at about 17, started slowly with a beer on the night times (every night) to help me sleep. At this stage I actually didn't like the feeling of getting drunk. Since I turned 20 however I hit a new level, at least 6 pints a night, sometimes more. Now when I drink I literally have no idea what is going to happen, I'm out of control. I will go for days doing things I always regret and hate myself for so much afterwards. I've ended up alone, in another country before. It really really scares me how quickly it ramped up. I'm young but I really think I've had my fill with it. Every time I drink something bad happens, I'll undoubtedly ruin something good in my life and then feel the most incredible guilt afterwards. I know I go on the benders now because I KNOW I shouldn't be drinking and once I've had that first one, all bets are off. I have no interest in moderating anymore it's cost me so much grief and wasted effort. Trust me there's a lot more of us youngsters out there than you think. Better to get it sorted out and under control now than waste more time. I know I'm hardly one to speak, I've relapsed too many times to count, but I'm still trying new ways and I'm not going to give up.

My friends on the most part know I have a problem and are fine with me being sober, but the culture round here with them revolves around drinking to such an extent I don't see them often and if I do bump into them I've often said in the past that I just didn't feel like drinking.

I still have family members however who don't get it (mostly big drinkers themselves) and it can be tiring at times to be around them.

Raider

I'm 55. Rehabbed at 54. Lots of young people there with crack and meth addiction. My first thought was I cannot relate to those addictions. I'm not "that kind" of an addict. Hahahahaha. The first counseling session, I was told don't look for the differences in your addiction vs. theirs, look for the similarities. Once I did that, I understood a lot more about addiction. Good luck.

LBrain

Raider, when I saw you answered I thought you were delusional for a second - under 25?

MrG I appreciate your answer very much. That was refreshing to hear. I wish I could have thought that way 35 years ago. (yep raider - we the same)
Kellygurl, does MrG make any sense to you?

Welcome to the forum.

Raider

LBrain I don't even wish I was under 25......tough times for me.

soberlicious

I was 22 the first time I quit and I did not drink for 10 years. If people asked I just said, "I don't drink." Or "I just don't like it." I had no shortage of dates, friends, or social events. Sure there were times I felt different, but I don't mind being different. I'm comfortable with it. I've always been a rebel, so it's funny to rebel against the scene by *not* drinking and drugging. I found that people did not reject me because I didn't drink, quite the opposite. It was my experience that people wanted to know what make me tick, what I was all about...

The sad part of my story was not quitting so young, the sad part was starting again in my 30s. What a waste. Keep on the right path. You won't regret it.

Notmyrealname

When I was under 25 my answer to that question was "because I don't get paid 'till Friday"

rim shot

here all week .. comedy gold, I know..

Seriously though, that is a question that comes up just as much for the older crowd, we're just big children with wrinkly skin, after all..