Class of April 2014 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
I have been trying to keep myself in check emotionally, and think I have been doing ok. Keeping my ranting to a minimum the past few days and just trying to give advice where I can 
But...
Today is gonna be a hard one for me. I know easter is supposed to be a joyous and fun day for most. To me this is a living nightmare. I live in my own sectioned off apartment connected to my house, but where my family is gonna be hanging out, it's literally a boozers best (worst) nightmare. I don't really like enjoying time with my family to begin with, and booze made it tolerable. Unfortunately, I can't be an antisocial, and I wanna be, but the fights and crap that would come along with me not attending, it's just not worth it to me. SO I'm really gonna need something tonight, I don't wanna drink and throw all the hard work I did down the drain. I'm not gonna break down but this is gonna be hard. A day of holiness is a day of horror and anxiety in my eyes, a true living nightmare. My mom was drunk before noon while I came home on break for work and was even more discouraging concidering she should be on Antabuse, she is worse then me by an epic landslide. The fact that she is drunk, tells me that she has been cornering the pills in her mouth in prep for a "celebration". Ungh, it's funny that I'm trying harder but meh it's whatever honestly. It's not just a tiny bit of temptation, my family and step family are all heavy drinkers. I took a double long shower just to avoid going down and saying hi to people. I'm sitting in my apartment with more anxiety then I can imigine, and kinda feel like climbing out the window and jumping in my car to go ANYWHERE but here. In the future, when I get my own place completely, I'm never gonna speak or see these people again, so I gotta tuff it out. If you pray pray for me and if you don't just wish me luck, here goes nothing!
But...
Today is gonna be a hard one for me. I know easter is supposed to be a joyous and fun day for most. To me this is a living nightmare. I live in my own sectioned off apartment connected to my house, but where my family is gonna be hanging out, it's literally a boozers best (worst) nightmare. I don't really like enjoying time with my family to begin with, and booze made it tolerable. Unfortunately, I can't be an antisocial, and I wanna be, but the fights and crap that would come along with me not attending, it's just not worth it to me. SO I'm really gonna need something tonight, I don't wanna drink and throw all the hard work I did down the drain. I'm not gonna break down but this is gonna be hard. A day of holiness is a day of horror and anxiety in my eyes, a true living nightmare. My mom was drunk before noon while I came home on break for work and was even more discouraging concidering she should be on Antabuse, she is worse then me by an epic landslide. The fact that she is drunk, tells me that she has been cornering the pills in her mouth in prep for a "celebration". Ungh, it's funny that I'm trying harder but meh it's whatever honestly. It's not just a tiny bit of temptation, my family and step family are all heavy drinkers. I took a double long shower just to avoid going down and saying hi to people. I'm sitting in my apartment with more anxiety then I can imigine, and kinda feel like climbing out the window and jumping in my car to go ANYWHERE but here. In the future, when I get my own place completely, I'm never gonna speak or see these people again, so I gotta tuff it out. If you pray pray for me and if you don't just wish me luck, here goes nothing!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
I'm way behind here, but trying to catch up now,
Izzy and MsOkra, I'm nowhere close to being a preacher's kid, I'm not even a Christian's kid, but I was still raised to maintain the facade above all else. It's always all about appearances. I dealt with this by moving 3000 miles away once I was 18. We love each other way better this way.
DancingDiva, I knew the weekends would start getting easier for you. I'm glad it went so well.
Solitary, you sound more settled and grounded every day, and it feels good to watch you work through things. Keep going.
Topspin, I'm glad you got to spend some time with your mom, and you're a good son for taking on those maintenance things. It's always easier to do stuff like that for other people, isn't it? And I do still have my hair. I took the little house on the prairie approach, and braided it.
You're sounding better too, Noolan, and I'm glad to see it. Try not to feel too badly about what you may have messed up before, and focus on creating what you want now. You can have it.
Welcome Freein14. Don't be shy, we're all spilling secrets here.
Lilac, Amandaw, Normi, Mariah, Chasing, Overwhelmed, Surf, Eagles, Kitten, Dee, eternalQ, and everyone I forgot, I hope this day finds you in a good place.
Izzy and MsOkra, I'm nowhere close to being a preacher's kid, I'm not even a Christian's kid, but I was still raised to maintain the facade above all else. It's always all about appearances. I dealt with this by moving 3000 miles away once I was 18. We love each other way better this way.
DancingDiva, I knew the weekends would start getting easier for you. I'm glad it went so well.
Solitary, you sound more settled and grounded every day, and it feels good to watch you work through things. Keep going.
Topspin, I'm glad you got to spend some time with your mom, and you're a good son for taking on those maintenance things. It's always easier to do stuff like that for other people, isn't it? And I do still have my hair. I took the little house on the prairie approach, and braided it.
You're sounding better too, Noolan, and I'm glad to see it. Try not to feel too badly about what you may have messed up before, and focus on creating what you want now. You can have it.
Welcome Freein14. Don't be shy, we're all spilling secrets here.
Lilac, Amandaw, Normi, Mariah, Chasing, Overwhelmed, Surf, Eagles, Kitten, Dee, eternalQ, and everyone I forgot, I hope this day finds you in a good place.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
There actually is a concept called neuro-linguistic programming that deals with Topspin's idea of "phraseology". The premise is that our thought processes are very much controlled by the specifics of our language and wording. For example, if you tell yourself that you can't forget to do something, you are more likely to forget it than you would be if you told yourself that you have to remember something. We are simple creatures, and are naturally wired to respond better to a positive than we are to a negative.
When you say you hope you can make something happen, you leave too much room for doubt on the subconscious level. When you say you are going to make something happen, you never introduce that doubt to your deepest levels of thought, and your chances for success are greater.
Does that make any sense? It seemed relevant jut about now.
When you say you hope you can make something happen, you leave too much room for doubt on the subconscious level. When you say you are going to make something happen, you never introduce that doubt to your deepest levels of thought, and your chances for success are greater.
Does that make any sense? It seemed relevant jut about now.
To be content
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 80
Hi all,
Amandaw welcome back. I tripped up couple weeks ago too. Worst thing is to beat yourself up, this is no easy thing we are trying to do. I figure if I keep trying I will get better at it. I've said it so many times in the past that I would quit, but knew that I wasn't half serious. I definitely have to work at it many times a day. I do feel that I have a stronger plan, that helps too. Going back to your meetings is a great thing.
Adamaeel way to go with get asked out twice. That's gotta feel good. It's hard for me. I have been with someone for short while, and it has been difficult. They are real understanding of me (they've dealt with addiction before though too). The only reason it is working for me is the great support and space they give me. Not all people are that understanding. It definitely takes balance, but probably comes down to the person you would be dating. I know I couldn't be as patient with me I liked what Dee said, very good advice.
I was offered a glass of wine yesterday, but it felt good to turn it down. If it was Friday I fear I would have caved. My schooling is nuts right now and as I encounter problems in my research I crave alcohol like crazy. Sometimes just have to walk away from it, the school work and the booze. Felt really good to be sober this weekend a lot more clear thinking and progress even though it was frustrating.
Hope everyone is feeling better today, good to see you are doing well too ST!
Amandaw welcome back. I tripped up couple weeks ago too. Worst thing is to beat yourself up, this is no easy thing we are trying to do. I figure if I keep trying I will get better at it. I've said it so many times in the past that I would quit, but knew that I wasn't half serious. I definitely have to work at it many times a day. I do feel that I have a stronger plan, that helps too. Going back to your meetings is a great thing.
Adamaeel way to go with get asked out twice. That's gotta feel good. It's hard for me. I have been with someone for short while, and it has been difficult. They are real understanding of me (they've dealt with addiction before though too). The only reason it is working for me is the great support and space they give me. Not all people are that understanding. It definitely takes balance, but probably comes down to the person you would be dating. I know I couldn't be as patient with me
I liked what Dee said, very good advice.I was offered a glass of wine yesterday, but it felt good to turn it down. If it was Friday I fear I would have caved. My schooling is nuts right now and as I encounter problems in my research I crave alcohol like crazy. Sometimes just have to walk away from it, the school work and the booze. Felt really good to be sober this weekend a lot more clear thinking and progress even though it was frustrating.
Hope everyone is feeling better today, good to see you are doing well too ST!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Japan
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by Adnamaeel 
There actually is a concept called neuro-linguistic programming that deals with Topspin's idea of "phraseology". The premise is that our thought processes are very much controlled by the specifics of our language and wording. For example, if you tell yourself that you can't forget to do something, you are more likely to forget it than you would be if you told yourself that you have to remember something. We are simple creatures, and are naturally wired to respond better to a positive than we are to a negative.
When you say you hope you can make something happen, you leave too much room for doubt on the subconscious level. When you say you are going to make something happen, you never introduce that doubt to your deepest levels of thought, and your chances for success are greater.
Does that make any sense? It seemed relevant jut about now.
When you say you hope you can make something happen, you leave too much room for doubt on the subconscious level. When you say you are going to make something happen, you never introduce that doubt to your deepest levels of thought, and your chances for success are greater.
Does that make any sense? It seemed relevant jut about now.
Just a quick check in on day 9. I'm off to the beach to get a few waves!!
Have a great day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Originally Posted by Compass7
ST is there a way you can go for that drive? I don't think I could handle that situation, but that is just me. Do they know you are trying not to drink? They won't be understanding?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 181
Well, I made it home and all I'm drinking is root beer. Nephews and nieces wore me out.
Welcome, freein14!
ST, that sounds so hard! I'm glad you were able to get away for a bit. I don't think joining in the drinking would make it any easier. Likely would just add some gross feelings on top of it.
Welcome, freein14!
ST, that sounds so hard! I'm glad you were able to get away for a bit. I don't think joining in the drinking would make it any easier. Likely would just add some gross feelings on top of it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 801
Guys! Everyone sounds so good. ST- that sounds so hard but you're dealing with it! Way to go.
Amanda and other newbies to April- welcome. I enjoy this group so much.
Noolan and Anda- thanks for your understanding words. You know, my husband was hurt by some things and had some valid questions. And that hurt. But it was in love so I was OK with that. I feel grateful for how understanding/non-judgmental/accepting/supportive he's been. Amazingly, while I feel so Freaking (yes, okra, and TOPSPIN!- that's code for you know what- so there!) pathetic, he seems to like me a lot more this way. I didn't realize how much my problem had become a we problem.
But self righteousness- that I can't do. And that's what I deal with a lot in circles I run in.
Anyway, have been reading thru everyone's stuff.
Dee- I totally relate to you feeling like a different person every day in early recovery. Thats where I am now. Have a lot to learn.
Ok, so can you all do something really good for yourselves today?
I love hearing your stories
Amanda and other newbies to April- welcome. I enjoy this group so much.
Noolan and Anda- thanks for your understanding words. You know, my husband was hurt by some things and had some valid questions. And that hurt. But it was in love so I was OK with that. I feel grateful for how understanding/non-judgmental/accepting/supportive he's been. Amazingly, while I feel so Freaking (yes, okra, and TOPSPIN!- that's code for you know what- so there!) pathetic, he seems to like me a lot more this way. I didn't realize how much my problem had become a we problem.
But self righteousness- that I can't do. And that's what I deal with a lot in circles I run in.
Anyway, have been reading thru everyone's stuff.
Dee- I totally relate to you feeling like a different person every day in early recovery. Thats where I am now. Have a lot to learn.
Ok, so can you all do something really good for yourselves today?
I love hearing your stories
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Thank you so much guys I'm glad you all are doing good, this is not easy for me at all. There were red bull cans in the massive pile of beer so I cracked one of those. I ate some good food and trying to just keep to myself without being rude. Thanks a lot guys I really appriciate it. I know it's bad cause booze that I would have never even liked I'm eyeballing and thinking it's good, but it's not, not for me. Most of these people will have a handful and go home and that's a night. I will keep going going and going, and I will pass out on my couch or in bed. It's not fun tho, I'm just trying to be respectful to my parents and family. It's 6:30 where I live so the evening is moving on. I'm gonna go do my next 24 hours this is around the time I started doing it. Thanks all stay strong everyone! Happy Easter! <3
learning to live
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,665
HI EVERYONE!!! I have not had a chance to read the entire thread....(but will) I look forward to getting to know you all! Today is day 1 for me...day 1 of the rest of my life! The life I need to live with NO booze!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 621
Well today is day one for me too. I've known that I'm an alcoholic for many years - probably 12 -13 years. I had a six year period of sobriety but four and a half years ago I picked up a drink. Since then I've stayed sober for periods but the last year has been a diabolical rollercoaster. My daughter is desperate - my son says he just tries to block it out and my husband tries to ignore it. I am desperate to get sober and stay sober
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: IL
Posts: 313
Welcome grow path, AF66 and everyone else who just joined us this weekend! I hope you guys and all the other April kids had/are having a wonderful Easter!!! Hubs and I just got back from his parents' place with about 20 lbs of leftovers in tow! I swear they pawned off a whole ham on us, but no complaints here....easy dinners this week!!! Tonight marks 3 weeks of sobriety for me, celebrating with an Almond Joy flavored coffee and a good book. Now that I'm home I can catch up on this thread and see how all my lovely classmates spent their day god bless and talk to everyone tomorrow!
god bless and talk to everyone tomorrow!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
Hi all,
I spent the afternoon at a memorial for a friend who recently died. In true hippie fashion, they waited to have it on 4/20. I've been to a memorial on this date every year for the last 5. Personally, I think it's kind of tacky, but it hasn't been up to me.
It was a hippie style memorial, which is actually a really nice kind of send off. Everyone sat in a circle around a fire surrounded by trees, and we went around the circle telling stories of our friend. She was like a warm blanket on a cold night, and was very well loved.
It seems like many in my world are changing their ways. A couple people mentioned that they're clean and sober now, the usually abundant herb at these events was barely evident at all (and that's not a reflection of supply, it flows like water around here), and I saw one person offering up a beer that no one took him up on. Very different than what I'm used to. Positive change seems to be in the air around here.
I spent the afternoon at a memorial for a friend who recently died. In true hippie fashion, they waited to have it on 4/20. I've been to a memorial on this date every year for the last 5. Personally, I think it's kind of tacky, but it hasn't been up to me.
It was a hippie style memorial, which is actually a really nice kind of send off. Everyone sat in a circle around a fire surrounded by trees, and we went around the circle telling stories of our friend. She was like a warm blanket on a cold night, and was very well loved.
It seems like many in my world are changing their ways. A couple people mentioned that they're clean and sober now, the usually abundant herb at these events was barely evident at all (and that's not a reflection of supply, it flows like water around here), and I saw one person offering up a beer that no one took him up on. Very different than what I'm used to. Positive change seems to be in the air around here.
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