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**** it ....

Old 12-19-2013, 09:14 PM
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**** it ....

Soooo you sober up, struggle through every day to stay sober ... and your life is still the same s***pile that is was before. It doesn't make the problems go away ... just makes them clearer. I see them now through clear eyes and with a clear head ... and STILL they are there. Nothing changes ... so why? Why do I bother? Why do I try to improve myself when NOTHING around me changes??? WHY? Someone please tell me ....
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:20 PM
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I dunno how long you drank for hokey, but I bet it was longer than a few days.

It does take time to get over withdrawal, to learn to live sober, and then to rebuild our lives.

It takes patience, faith, and commitment - but it's so SO worth it Hokey. We're worth it....everyone of us

Reach out here for support when you need it...you can do this
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:23 PM
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Thanks Dee ... I'm a little short in the "patience" department apparently.
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:24 PM
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and actually ... no I can't do this.
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:25 PM
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What have you done to improve yourself, besides putting the bottle down?

It's been my experience that alcohol was just a symptom of my problem. You are right in that once you quit all of the problems are still there, just clearer. The key to long-term sobriety is to fix the problems. That task takes time. All of those problems did not pile up overnight and will take time to deal with. If you don't get sober all of those problems are sure to stick around. I always hated this saying but it's true..."time takes time". Getting support from others that have been exactly where you are now helps so stick around.
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:28 PM
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My problem is bigger than a bottle of alcohol, for sure. Far bigger. But even the "small" things are actually worse now than they were a month ago.
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:31 PM
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**** alcohol and Fu*k addiction (stupid censorship)... You might want to take a look at the PAWS-article that's been going around here on the forums:
PAWS | Digital Dharma

I found everything a whole lot easier after understanding PAWS and that it is real. There will always be better days. It will get a little bit better each day. Things will change, definately. The change may take time. Time is something it needs, but it can be done.
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:32 PM
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Well, many of the problems in life don't disappear when the alcohol does. For me, the problems are there first and I use alcohol to escape it. Those problems still have to be addressed and you can address them much better when sober. The main benefit I see is that even if my life problems take some time to clear up, the physical problems that drinking causes start repairing immediately just by stopping.
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:32 PM
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Hokey

How will drinking make life any better ? Getting drunk, hung over, shakes, vomiting, tremors, shame, regret, remorse...is this a solution ?

Getting sober brings clarity and the opportunity to make a change for the better. Drinking will only progress to make things worse. It is a guaranteed downward spiral.

Be patient with yourself and with sobriety. Sobriety wont win the lottery for you but you will gradually appreciate all that life has to offer. One step at a time.
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:32 PM
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maybe I need to find better ways to "improve myself" because clearly I am the problem here
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:33 PM
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Hi Hokey,
One thing is, if you're drunk all the time like I was, you stand zero chance of ever actually solving any of those problems, on your own or with some poor co-dependent's help.

But though it takes a while, sometimes a long while, when you're sober those clear eyes also start to see opportunities, solutions, and different perspectives. And others are more willing to help. Gradually.

Until then, just keep trudging!
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:33 PM
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Originally Posted by hokey View Post
and actually ... no I can't do this.
I spent 15 years trying to quit, so don't gimme that lol.

No matter what happened today, I still believe you can Hokey - maybe you just need to tweak a few things?

as far as improving myself - it was a steep learning curve - I'd spent my entire adulthood not being an adult - but I caught up pretty quick - I even grew to like dealing with problems

D
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:34 PM
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It's gets better but it does take some time and patience. One thing for sure is that whatever you're going through would only be worse with alcohol. And if you drink, you would have to start all over with the growing process. Have you started working a program or hanging out with other sober people?
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Inca View Post
One thing for sure is that whatever you're going through would only be worse with alcohol. And if you drink, you would have to start all over with the growing process. Have you started working a program or hanging out with other sober people?
yeah ok ... you don't know what I've been through so you're presumptuous in saying that it's worse with alcohol (that may be your experience, not necessarily mine) ... alcohol DOES numb the pain.
Starting over again means nothing to me ... counting days is just pounding my head against the wall.
I hang out with sober people because I am the ONLY one that I have been hanging out with and I am sober.
Ya ... I thought I was working a program ... but maybe not enough
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Grungehead View Post
What have you done to improve yourself, besides putting the bottle down?
I am actually a pretty good person ... if other people had improved themselves before they could impact my very young life, I'd be a lot farther ahead. But thanks for your input
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:55 PM
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For me, the simple act of remaining sober has almost automatically opened up things in life. For instance processing those emotions and starting to grow emotionally somehow (not in a negative sense), and there is the desire to actually live and do the things that I've REALLY wanted to do. Drinking was never on the list anyway, but addiction is just that.

It's like you start to unearth a completely different world. It becomes more clear how much confusions and distortion alcohol and addiction alone has caused.

One more thing.. I've never once met anyone who has regretted getting sober longer term. Not one. (not surprising really).

Welcome to SR by the way!
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:55 PM
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Noones trying to pick a fight with you Hokey

I was a good guy too - but I needed to change some things - each time I returned to drinking, it was a clear sign I needed to do a little more if I wanted to stay sober for good.

That's a pretty good general rule, applicable to all of us
D
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Old 12-19-2013, 09:56 PM
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thanks Dee ... I'll always appreciate your kind words
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Old 12-19-2013, 10:05 PM
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Hi hokey. I hear you...I went through many 'what's the point of this?' spells too in early sobriety. It seemed to me at first like all my issues got worse rather than better, there didn't seem to be any respite at all from the anxiety and resentment that plagued me.

I leaned on people here a LOT in the beginning...I was also working a program but it didn't take everything away. I had to seek help from my doctor and from a therapist.

It isn't easy to move past this. Getting sober is just the beginning, but it honestly does get better. None of us would keep going if it didn't. Read the stories of those with years of sobriety and how they've found their place of peace. I figured they couldn't all be lying to me.

I put my faith in those who went before me. I'm 19 months sober now, and last year felt EXACTLY like you.

Don't give up x
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Old 12-19-2013, 10:13 PM
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Originally Posted by hokey View Post
... alcohol DOES numb the pain.
You're right. That's part of the problem.

Just prior to the time when my ex threw me out, I had one of those rare times at home alone. Just me and my bottle. It was around this time of year, and she was away, staying with friends for the holidays.

I was thinking how $hitty it was that she didn't invite me to come along, that she didn't trust me around her friends, that, essentially I had become an embarrassment to her and much more. Fact is, I probably would have turned her down had she asked me to go since there was little guarantee that I'd be able to drink the way I drink while staying at the house of (what to me were) strangers. Back then, there was no debate over what was the most important thing in my life, no matter that I was in the process of losing everything else that mattered by continuing to drink.

As I continued gulping my vodka, I realized, "You know what? Drinking this makes all those problems go away."

As I wrote, this was my ex prior to her throwing me out for good, only two months later.

If we don't get a hold of our problems, the will quickly get a hold of us.
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