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Old 10-26-2013, 11:46 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Question ONE DAY AT A TIME v NEVER APROACH

I am preparing for the D day.
I promised I was going to stop on the 7th.
Or else...
And I am thinking how to tackle it...

What is the difference???
NEVER V ONE DAY AT A TIME...

If I say today noooo that means that I might tomorrow in my head...

If I say Never as a tool not do do it, I just am so scared not to take Never ever again... Just the thought of it.
If I say Never that is it! I cannot break that... .

I do not know which approach to take.

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Old 10-26-2013, 11:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Don't focus on the forever - its very daunting and lets your mind sabotage your efforts. If you can try focusing on the day, particularly in the very beginning.

Are you saying the 7th of November? Any chance you might move that up to today? Lots can happen in a week and a half.
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Old 10-26-2013, 11:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I never want to drink again and take life one day at a time as it's served up .
Whatever gets you through is what i do . Maybe do 6 months or a year sober and see where you are then on the question ?

Bestwishes, m
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Old 10-26-2013, 12:08 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Why are you waiting until the 7th to stop?
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Old 10-26-2013, 12:30 PM   #5 (permalink)
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The thought of never can be too overwhelming to someone who is involved in an abusive love affair with their DOC. It was for me. Once I started accumulating some actual sober time I was emotionally able to contemplate never. Sometimes I can't deal with the thought, even 60 days in, so I just focus on right now. I use whatever feels more comfortable to me in the moment.
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I am too positive to be doubtful, too optimistic to be fearful, and too determined to be defeated.
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Old 10-26-2013, 12:36 PM   #6 (permalink)
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It has to be the 7th...

I need to digest it that I have to stop fully.
I need time... and I will be 9 days walking 133 km in the country side... perfect.
I promised the 7th nothing will happen in this two weeks I am careful.
at the same time I give myself white card to do what I want two weeks and that will be it.

I got a book to read AVRT, I got the AA book online.
I promised I was going to go to AA, I am not happy to go really... but they will go mad If I pull back...
I go to the psychiatrist 30th to review my meds...
am getting tools for the D day...

Have to think what I will be repeating in my head not to do things... when it starts...
I hear this Never again... and this One day thing...

I am reading a lot in SR and learning a lot from the members...
This time has to work!!!!!!!
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Old 10-26-2013, 12:46 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Aiko - listen I don't want to rain on your plan. I too thought I would go out with a bang - big bender. HOwever, the last time I took a drink I had three vodka and diet sprites on a plane that was 8/26/13 and I just simply realized that was it I had to stop. No bender, but did have a bit of a catastrophe the week before but not bc of my drinking. Anyhow, be careful now is as good a time as many - its tough bc the day never comes for some.

Looks like you are asking the right questions, found the right place and looking at the right programs. I wish you the best and sounds like this trip should be ideal. You should consult with your Dr. just incase you detox more heavily than you expect - not advice just makes sense to consult your Dr before you start if you feel okay to do so.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:09 PM   #8 (permalink)
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jdooner

You are right on what you say....
Will tell my doctor next week... he will ask anyway if I have been doing stuff ufffffff.
His name is DR. Vicious
No joke...
If I get really bad I got elephant tranquillizers.

I am going to have a look through the books,
and decide if I say Never or today nooo ...
Lets see on the day...
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:23 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I did taper for a week before I stopped – that was very difficult at least for me, to stop the drinking prematurely that was hard to do . I then had 9 days before I went to work, I did not have any huge physical problems – but I was rather vulnerable and unstable the first month.

If I were you I would prepare for the 7th , try to moderate as much as I could and maybe also train the body a little for the walk. I would not drink freely and start my walk with a hangover.

I use similar thinking to mecanix when it comes never or day of the time. I do not intend to drink again, but I do focus on one day of the time. I do sign in to the 24 hour thread when I wake up, more or less the first thing I do. I do not believe I have missed a day since I stopped drinking.

I do hope you will have a good hike next month.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:27 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Personally, I was at the point in my drinking that saying never again now fills me with relief. I achieve it one day at a time.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:32 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Aiko you may have read my story that I posted earlier today. But I think you should stick to your date so that you can finish properly and then start again. My date was 7th October and I've never drunk another drop. I didn't start earlier because I thought it would give me an excuse to fill in the days missed later!!! I took the NEVER approach and a simple "no" to any head debates. This worked for me and a day at a time wouldn't have because of the "day off" possibilities that implies. Only you know what works best for you. But I agree with whoever it was that said perhaps just think 1 week, 3 months, then 6 months and then a year. My first year seemed to work that way anyway. I wish you the very best of luck. Keep strong.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:48 PM   #12 (permalink)
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A lot can happen in 12 days. So many variables. for me,it was easy to keep putting it off. tomorrow never comes and all that.

Maybe you're asking the wrong question. When I stopped I intended it to be forever. The odaat theory scares me with the uncertainty as I'd just think I'd drink tomorrow.The more sober time I got though I now look at it every day but in the sense that now/today is all we have. It is forever, but by doing it each day,if that makes sense.the more time I have the more forever and not drinking is normal and achievable

if you look at today being all we have all that really matters is today.All that matters is not drinking today. Maybe concentrate on today now. why not quit now?
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:49 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Aiko, it is natural to have a hard time thinking about 'forever'. It took me a while to grasp that, and it really was something I struggled with early on. Looking back, all I can say is take it one day at a time. Don't drink today and eventually your mind will start to get a handle on forever. I have to say that now, almost a year, I have accepted that I will never ever drink again. At the beginning, there was now way that could really sink in. I really let it get to me and I wasted a lot of time worrying about it. Be patient and seriously just try to take it a day at a time, one struggle at a time, one craving at a time and you will get there. Good luck and stay close to SR.
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:49 PM   #14 (permalink)
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You are right.....

I can relate to 3 months, 6 months... and it is NO and full stop...
I have done things like that and am stubborn ...
I do not smoke cigarettes bc I got a bet...
If I smoke a cigarette I can not go running 3 months...
So I smoke pot... big loophole

I think if I say not today I am telling myself I can do it tomorrow like there is an open window to take.
I am scared to say Never but am thinking the best is NO full stop.
and not relate it to time wise...
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:50 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Today?
Never?

Never?
Today?

Wow.

Yea.

Sometimes I think I don't even ask the right questions. How about keeping it simple and saying "Well, just not right now."

Yea, how about just saying "Not right now."

I say "Not right now." Because the emotional mountains and valleys of our early recovery become the gently rolling hills of our lives if we stay clean and sober. Cravings aren't fatal – alcoholic drinking is known to be; cravings aren't dangerous – drinking is; cravings aren't optional – drinking is; cravings aren't permanent – being an alcoholic is; cravings aren’t chronic, progressive and fatal – alcoholism is; cravings aren't the voice of our higher power, the voice of reason, nor the voice which speaks to my true desires – and therefore, listening to them is not mandatory. It is my responsibility to find new solutions to old problems and my program gives me that opportunity. Cravings wish to rob me of those choices. Cravings don’t want to die and neither do I. I think I’ll let them die instead of me.

I've done it drunk and I've done it sober. Sober is much better, less expensive in so many ways and simply more fun than doing it drunk.

Best of luck....
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Old 10-26-2013, 01:53 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Does it have to be one or the other?

There will be patches when "one day at a time" is the best strategy (substitute "hour" and "minute" for "day" as needed).

There will also be times when "never" is the best strategy.

I'm only on Day 4 ... but I did quit for 5+ months earlier this year. At that time, the one day at a time strategy worked best early on. Now, I can see the value in "never".

I would suggest having a tool box full of strategies and use what is most appropriate at any given time.
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Old 10-26-2013, 02:03 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Aiko.... I have not seen one post yet about why you need to stop.

I said I would stop a million times. Totally unconnected with the reality of why. I find typically that those that stay stopped learned to value themselves or something more than drinking.

This is no balancing act but a counterweight is important.
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Old 10-26-2013, 02:12 PM   #18 (permalink)
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I was really afraid of never for a long time, there was always something coming up that required my drinking. In the end, it was never worth it and it was never for just one event. I know that I never want to drink again. Life is just so much better without it. For me personally, it's easiest to just deal with today. I won't drink today. My stupid addiction brain can deal with that. Thinking beyond that panics me a bit.

And...if you were to stop today, you would feel much better on the 7th and would have a lot more energy on the hike. The first 5-10 days were miserable. I know you have a plan, but give it some thought. You can always reformulate. You don't need some fantastic farewell or to quit on an auspicious day. Just stop.

Regardless, we support you.
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Old 10-26-2013, 02:24 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Please also give some thought to the first few days of notdrinking.They can be pretty horrendous,physically and mentally. I struggled to leave thehouse on day 3,no way could I have ,managed a 9 day hike. What if you are ill, willyou be able to get medical assistance, alochol withdrawal is no joke.

Maybe look at quitting before your hike where you are close to home and medical care,if needed.
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Old 10-26-2013, 02:26 PM   #20 (permalink)
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I'm not sure I would recommend the 'never' approach to anyone beginning sobriety. Some may disagree, but I think the odds would favor one day/hour/minute/second at a time until abstinence allows body and mind time to adjust from the obsession.
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