The "REWARD" system really does dissipate
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The "REWARD" system really does dissipate
I was going to post this in the alcoholism forum but thought it might be helpful to newcomers.
I remember when thoughts of sobriety were entering my head towards the last month before I quit. The fear that I had of what life would be if I did finally make the decision and what life was going to be without alcohol. What would I reward myself with for doing the things I had to do? Each week was the same. Work all week and wait painfully for the weekend when I could drink. Even manage to abstain on Friday nights sometimes knowing that Saturday was coming. Sad that if I did that the entire evening was waiting to go to bed so that Saturday would get here. Just like a little kid waiting for Christmas.
On Saturday there is always a list of things that need to be done. I would power through knowing my evening was coming. I could drink. So there was real fear in how I was going to have the same tenacity for accomplishing those tasks if the thought of the reward was absent.
I think that this is my 14th weekend without alcohol (note, that I'm not even really keeping track of that anymore) I was puttering along doing what needed to be done. There was a lot on the list and it became clear that I had to figure out the priorities and move the rest to Sunday. This would have NEVER been possible previously. No way I was going to be in any shape to do anything the coming day. I came to the realization that I could actually do that. Break the list up and do some tomorrow and actually be able to enjoy the rest of the day.
It was then that I also realized that I was not doing what I needed to do with a grinding inside to get it out of the way so I could get to what Saturday was all about. I was purely content and happy to just be doing what I was doing and getting it accomplished. No reward necessary other than accomplishing the task. What a great feeling that was.
It's so hard in the early days to see that things do get better, but they really do. You will find your sobriety legs, your life will change, and you'll recognize how good it is. What you previously feared was unfounded. Not only won't you miss that reward you won't even care about it. You will be free. What an amazing feeling.
My life was all about Friday and Saturday and that drink. I was looking at life through a peephole and now I can actually participate in it and live, no longer bound by the sound of a pop of a beer can. That, in and of itself, is the true reward!
You CAN do this!!!!!!!!!!!
Edit, out of curiosity I had to check, this is my 24th weekend without. Wow, but doesn't that show that where you may be aware of how many days, weeks, months, years, that slowly but surely the focus of how long you've been without becomes more about just living well on a daily basis. It does happen!
I remember when thoughts of sobriety were entering my head towards the last month before I quit. The fear that I had of what life would be if I did finally make the decision and what life was going to be without alcohol. What would I reward myself with for doing the things I had to do? Each week was the same. Work all week and wait painfully for the weekend when I could drink. Even manage to abstain on Friday nights sometimes knowing that Saturday was coming. Sad that if I did that the entire evening was waiting to go to bed so that Saturday would get here. Just like a little kid waiting for Christmas.
On Saturday there is always a list of things that need to be done. I would power through knowing my evening was coming. I could drink. So there was real fear in how I was going to have the same tenacity for accomplishing those tasks if the thought of the reward was absent.
I think that this is my 14th weekend without alcohol (note, that I'm not even really keeping track of that anymore) I was puttering along doing what needed to be done. There was a lot on the list and it became clear that I had to figure out the priorities and move the rest to Sunday. This would have NEVER been possible previously. No way I was going to be in any shape to do anything the coming day. I came to the realization that I could actually do that. Break the list up and do some tomorrow and actually be able to enjoy the rest of the day.
It was then that I also realized that I was not doing what I needed to do with a grinding inside to get it out of the way so I could get to what Saturday was all about. I was purely content and happy to just be doing what I was doing and getting it accomplished. No reward necessary other than accomplishing the task. What a great feeling that was.
It's so hard in the early days to see that things do get better, but they really do. You will find your sobriety legs, your life will change, and you'll recognize how good it is. What you previously feared was unfounded. Not only won't you miss that reward you won't even care about it. You will be free. What an amazing feeling.
My life was all about Friday and Saturday and that drink. I was looking at life through a peephole and now I can actually participate in it and live, no longer bound by the sound of a pop of a beer can. That, in and of itself, is the true reward!
You CAN do this!!!!!!!!!!!
Edit, out of curiosity I had to check, this is my 24th weekend without. Wow, but doesn't that show that where you may be aware of how many days, weeks, months, years, that slowly but surely the focus of how long you've been without becomes more about just living well on a daily basis. It does happen!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I still use the reward system but I reward myself with a good dinner, going to a movie, playing with photoshop, taking the dogs out for an off leash walk, socializing with friends or any of a zillion other things I enjoy.
I thought I enjoyed drinking myself into a coma but I realize I drank the fun out of alcohol a long time ago
I thought I enjoyed drinking myself into a coma but I realize I drank the fun out of alcohol a long time ago
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,996
Thanks, Ladyblue, for this helpful post.
This: Really get this.
I'm just now (at coming up to four months) getting this, being mindful, being in the moment, not rushing thru chores, just appreciating that I'm getting healthier and better able to do chores, not so interesting tasks, but knowing too, that as MIR says, I can treat myself too as a reward, a pedicure, going into the city, a movie.
Glad you posted here, I'm just starting to "get" things, so those just starting out may see that it can take time, but it does get better!
Thanks.
This:
It was then that I also realized that I was not doing what I needed to do with a grinding inside to get it out of the way so I could get to what Saturday was all about. I was purely content and happy to just be doing what I was doing and getting it accomplished. No reward necessary other than accomplishing the task. What a great feeling that was.
I'm just now (at coming up to four months) getting this, being mindful, being in the moment, not rushing thru chores, just appreciating that I'm getting healthier and better able to do chores, not so interesting tasks, but knowing too, that as MIR says, I can treat myself too as a reward, a pedicure, going into the city, a movie.
Glad you posted here, I'm just starting to "get" things, so those just starting out may see that it can take time, but it does get better!
Thanks.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 551
I was a "rewards" drinker, so I very much appreciate your post, Ladyblue. I could relate to everything you said.
I'm at about three and a half months. In the beginning, I didn't do much around the house, knowing that I would feel edgy (aka rageful) about it, unable to indulge in a drink (or six) while I cleaned. I think, as time has passed, I've naturally incorporated other rewards, like a hot bath or an iced coffee, into my routines. I've also started to appreciate the task at hand-- yes, it's a pain to do the dishes, make the bed, mop the floor, etc, but when they are done, the empty sink, sparkling floor, fluffy pillows become a reward in and of themselves. I've also found that I have more time to get my stuff done. I remember being awestruck during early sobriety-- the weekend seemed to last forever (not anymore-- haha!). While drinking, just as you said, Ladyblue, I had a "window" of time to work. Outside of that window, nothing got done.
Thank you for your post!
I'm at about three and a half months. In the beginning, I didn't do much around the house, knowing that I would feel edgy (aka rageful) about it, unable to indulge in a drink (or six) while I cleaned. I think, as time has passed, I've naturally incorporated other rewards, like a hot bath or an iced coffee, into my routines. I've also started to appreciate the task at hand-- yes, it's a pain to do the dishes, make the bed, mop the floor, etc, but when they are done, the empty sink, sparkling floor, fluffy pillows become a reward in and of themselves. I've also found that I have more time to get my stuff done. I remember being awestruck during early sobriety-- the weekend seemed to last forever (not anymore-- haha!). While drinking, just as you said, Ladyblue, I had a "window" of time to work. Outside of that window, nothing got done.
Thank you for your post!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Great post Lady Blue. I really remember that a lot. I became a daily drinker at the end and there was a constant second stream of consciousness always running...when can I start drinking? I was always orchestrating and anticipating and salivating. And yes, I can so identify with being in the moment now.
I am so glad you posted this in the newcomer's section. Because I understand the fear of what sobriety will bring, it is the scary unknown. I used to feel like I needed alcohol to marry the outside with the inside, because the two didn't match. What I am finding is that sobriety is less about not drinking and more about what it feels like to experience life without an ulterior motive always nagging at me. And I never really got the buzz I was looking for at the end. It was maybe a 15 minute window of some sort of hazy comfort, then another forgotten night, hellish morning and start all over again.
I just realized that I have 4 months today. The last month flew by. I have been gentle on myself. By making decisions that didn't thrust me unnecessarily into drinking situations so soon I have not felt deprived, and I feel like I am building my sobriety muscles. Thanks for a great post!
I am so glad you posted this in the newcomer's section. Because I understand the fear of what sobriety will bring, it is the scary unknown. I used to feel like I needed alcohol to marry the outside with the inside, because the two didn't match. What I am finding is that sobriety is less about not drinking and more about what it feels like to experience life without an ulterior motive always nagging at me. And I never really got the buzz I was looking for at the end. It was maybe a 15 minute window of some sort of hazy comfort, then another forgotten night, hellish morning and start all over again.
I just realized that I have 4 months today. The last month flew by. I have been gentle on myself. By making decisions that didn't thrust me unnecessarily into drinking situations so soon I have not felt deprived, and I feel like I am building my sobriety muscles. Thanks for a great post!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
I can totally relate to these posts! I too became a daily drinker near the end....but, I remember when I was working I would soooooo look forward to Fridays to be able to drink, as my reward (although there were days I went to work hungover). I would drink Friday night through Sunday morning and then used Sundays to dry out so that I could go to work on Mondays. Ugh! What an awful merry-go-round. Today I am gardening, going for a walk on the beach and spending time with the hubby! Thanks for posting!
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There always has to be hope. We all know how very hard it is when you come to the decision. There's a feeling like life will no longer be worth living and that extreme boredom will be the end result. The feeling of not being able to drink, ever. It's scary stuff.
If you've not had the chance to experience it yet please believe me, you will find how very little alcohol contributed to your life. How very insignificant and unimportant it is. How it kept you from living.
You have to want it and you have to work for it. The outcome that you get is hard to comprehend until you're there. That's the hardest part. We can help by telling the newcomers this but if I could let you feel what I feel today and the fact that I was in total disbelief that I could ever be this happy about being sober...............well, if that could happen the success rate of recovery would be a lot higher.
Maybe what makes it worth it though is the work that you do to get there.
If you've not had the chance to experience it yet please believe me, you will find how very little alcohol contributed to your life. How very insignificant and unimportant it is. How it kept you from living.
You have to want it and you have to work for it. The outcome that you get is hard to comprehend until you're there. That's the hardest part. We can help by telling the newcomers this but if I could let you feel what I feel today and the fact that I was in total disbelief that I could ever be this happy about being sober...............well, if that could happen the success rate of recovery would be a lot higher.
Maybe what makes it worth it though is the work that you do to get there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
I truly have more fun now than when I was drinking. Went to a sober Halloween dance on Friday and had a blast. Had fun and fellowship at a CA birthday last night. But the best part of sobriety for me is being able to just be alone and comfortable in my own skin. My weekends are actually productive and relaxing, instead of an endless miserable cycle of drinking and being hungover.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Yes, I agree with you completely.
I found the thought of doing normal, boring chores would always make me want to drink. But, there is a shift at some point, when you realize that you actually enjoy doing the small, incidental things.
I found the thought of doing normal, boring chores would always make me want to drink. But, there is a shift at some point, when you realize that you actually enjoy doing the small, incidental things.
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Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527 
You have to want it and you have to work for it. The outcome that you get is hard to comprehend until you're there. That's the hardest part. We can help by telling the newcomers this but if I could let you feel what I feel today and the fact that I was in total disbelief that I could ever be this happy about being sober...............well, if that could happen the success rate of recovery would be a lot higher.
Maybe what makes it worth it though is the work that you do to get there.
Maybe what makes it worth it though is the work that you do to get there.
So very true! This sobriety journey has so many unexpected and wonderful rewards. The work is certainly rewarding for so many if we let it happen.BE WELL
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