Dee74

I chose to stop one day at a time.

Forever was too big a concept for me - it terrified me - so each morning I would commit to not drinking or drugging that day. The next morning I would re-commit.

Eventually, after several weeks and months of one days, forever ceased to be such a mountain to me

Do what makes sense to you.

As for your plan - I know you're committed to it...but what happens when you come back from the country?

D

jazzfish

Some like the relief of never - the problem is solved and on with life.
Some like one day at a time - the problem only needs to be dealt with today, that is manageable.
Others say "I will drink again when I am 120." That way you don't give up forever, but you push it far enough into the future that it doesn't matter.
Another case of finding what works for you.

Hollyanne

I have a feeling that whether you quit today, tomorrow or whenever, you are going to have a tough time.
The reason I say that is because you have mentioned.....adjusting your "meds", pot and elephant tranquilizers.
The thing is, you have to have a fairly clear head to resist the urge to use.
If you are high on other substances, quitting drink is going to be a struggle.
What AA refers to constantly as the "first drink".

As for your question, at the beginning, I said "one day at a time".
That is all I could handle.
Tonight, I was driving home from work and noticed a guy with a huge amount of cans coming out of the liquor store, obviously heading out with his buddies to party.
I just passed the three year mark on Tuesday.
I just looked at him and thought of the beer and this sensation came over me.
Like a flood of memories of drinking.
I just realized, that I had decided somewhere along the line,
"Never Again".
That's me.
Good luck Aiko. Make some smart choices.
Is it the El Camino you are walking?

doggonecarl

Until you quit, the question is moot, isn't it?

Joe Nerv

I say use whichever one you're most comfortable with. And whichever one works. For me that was just for today, for a long time. The idea of never drinking again, when I just got sober was too much for me to handle. Now it's never. And if I ever feel I have to go back to just for today, I will.

Aiko

I am doing the Camino.

I kept on trying not to... and does not work...
so I am doing all I want and will regret on the 7th...
I have been for such a long time fighting it I want to take all this time NO no no no...

But I set a date...
I am learning a lot in SR am getting background...

Just run out of it...
I am having to eat out tomorrow god
the usual question what would you like to drink...
I HATE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

why I need to stop...???
I am getting worse and can not control.
Affected me mentally and now physically...and it is the begging...
and I do not want to lose my love ones...... that would be it...
And my family will never find out I have to make sure of that...

I am taking it seriously I got a window to scape...
I do not know when I get back how will I Handel it.

but the thing is I need a BEGGINING!!!!

I AM SCARED I WANT MORE but have to start somewhere...

jdooner

Aiko - your family probably knows or they are in denial. Most of us think we hide it well but it is usually transparent, unless they are in denial. It might not be a bad idea to consider involving them. I really don't see how it can be sustainable if even the closest around you are unaware this is not an easy process. In fact, I would argue it will be the most difficult and most rewarding thing you will ever do in life.

LadyinBC

When I first quit I used a minute at a time if I had to. The word never scared me in the beginning. Even now it does scare me sometimes and I try not to get to far ahead of myself.

I woke up this morning and I chose not to drink today. Thing is I can't worry about tomorrow, a week from now or next year. All that is required of me is to get thru today without drinking. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

instant

I think "fear" of forever is a product of the addiction. It seemed like such a "life sentence" at the time. I imagined a life of boredom, isolation and feelings of missing out.

I came to realise that whilst concepts of the future are useful to us as humans- they never actually arrive as an emotional experience, or moment in time. It is always now. I came to realise that the future will take care of itself and focusing on the next right things is a lot easier.

My interpretation of a day at a time came to be deeper than the idea of a quivering person desperate for a drink hanging on for the moment. It was like that for me- for about a week or two- Now two years in I do plan and work towards the future but I don't drink- who knows what the future will bring. My job is to work my recovery today.

Life sober is far better- I have a feeling of freedom and calm that I never had when drinking.

Aiko

I can do it...
I am strong... and I did it once before...
I am going with a good friend of mine, a pharmacist, and he knows about the problem...
If anything would happen I am positive he would be able to handle me...

I do a lot of running I love it just run 3 races (10k +21k +10k)
I can do 133 k.

I am thinking I just forget about the one day thing or the Never...
have to concentrate on just saying NO.
repeatedly saying NO... I CAN NOT bc I loose it!!!
the thinking the today but maybe tomorrow will keep popping in my head,

My family... can suspect it...
my younger bother was asking at Christmas what was going on I was not drinking...My mother is concerned about my moods but told her is due to work pressure... My father he is too busy with his own addictions... He would not see a giraffe in the living room...

ZeldaFan

The thing I don't like about the never approach early on is it has the potential to cause a slip to become a full blown relapse. If you say never and then slip and drink for a day then you may just give up. If you say one day at a time and have a slip, it's far easier to dust yourself off, take some mental notes about how that happened and move on to the next day sober and back on track. At least, that's how it has been for me.

Threshold

It turned out best for me to keep it in the now. I don't drink.

I don't rock climb, speak French, ice skate, drink, get pedicures, or send fan mail.

It serves me best to keep things as drama free as possible. I don't count days because that messed with my mind.

Your mileage may vary.

gaudi

I think it depends how prepared you are to stop and how much your body has been affected by alcohol. But I say do whatever works for you. But once you stop try just to think of yourself as a very happy person who chooses not to drink. Try not to dwell on the missing of the substance. Try to get on with other things and not give it too much thought except to praise yourself.

Remember it is just a liquid. It's not worth ruining your life over.

neferkamichael

Aiko, just never give up, whatever your plan is, you'll make it. Rootin for ya.

GracieLou

I am an alcoholic. I have accepted that. I do not and cannot drink like a normal person. I never have and I never will.

I will be an alcoholic forever but I only need to cope with it one day at a time. I only need to not drink today.

They say "never, say never". If someone told you a year ago you would be posting on this message board, you may have thought "never". So in reality you can never say never. There may be a time that comes down the road that you decide to. We change our minds all the time. Will you say never again or think "not today"?

gaudi

Let's just lose the word "never". Why not just say "I don't drink," Or "I'm a non-drinker". Why do we have to think in time at all.

I found it really helped to concentrate on the fact that "time flies" and once I'd done a year (which passed so quickly) I considered the job done. And now 3 years on I know I was right and, apart from the anniversary, I don't count at all. It is just how I live and that's that.

RobbyRobot

My quitting with the thinking of never drinking again created for me the ideal fool-proof way forward and this strengthened my resolve day by day. It's really a matter of personal choice because as the sober experience goes on we all have a new look at ourselves and our lives and it makes little difference in achieving longevity with sobriety how we choose to quit if we stay quit anyways.

The other thing is we can only live our lives in the real now, in this moment, and this too means its really just mental gymnastics to try to discern if quitting ODAT or forever and ever really has one over the other.

Our best choices are the ones we do best with, and this can only be known by experience - even when we agree with others we still learn by our own experiences - and so how we choose to quit really is important only to ourselves respectively. Quitting itself is the real joy and its own reward! Keep your eyes on the prize!

LadyBlue0527

Hi Aiko, I'm glad that you came here.

One thing that helped me was to stop stressing and focusing on today, forever, whatever length of time one can feel about sanely committing to giving it up.

Instead I focused on wanting it so badly that those questions to myself didn't even matter. Don't focus on what life will be without alcohol, focus on how much better things will be when you're sober.

The less I focus on drinking and the more I focus on sobriety the better off I feel and the happier I am.

Tamerua

At first I kept thinking never and it scared the crap out of me so I tried to think in terms I this week, this month, this day. Coming up on a year in December and it is easier to think of never now but I honestly just don't do it.

gaudi

One year is amazing. Such a huge success. Well done Tamerua. I hope you are really happy. You deserve to be.