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Old 09-01-2013, 09:01 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Scared of One Day At A Time

Hi everyone, I am brand new to this. I have finally realized what I've suspected for a long time, that I am an alcoholic. It feels so strange to say that because in my head, an alcoholic is a disaster, someone who drinks every day and can't function without a shot of vodka in the morning. The stereotype, you know?

I'm very successful, strong, and together. Mostly. I have a great job and a wonderful husband. No kids. But every now and then I drink so much that I wake up with no memory of what I did the night before, what I said, was I unfaithful etc. the anxiety I feel the next day makes me feeling like I can't get through the day.

I'm on Day 2 and feeling quite strong, except for one thing. Everyone says "one day a time" but that terrifies me. I never ever want to drink again and if I say I won't drink today, that scares me because does that mean I may drink tomorrow? I want to take comfort in not drinking again forever. I can't live like this anymore, it has to stop. One day at a time is not good enough.

I feel like if I say that I will do this one day at a time, that ill slip. That ill tell myself tomorrow that I don't know what I was thinking, I have no problem with alcohol, I'm fine. Then I'll have a drink. And it might be fine that time, and the next. But I'm just waiting for the day that I wake up and find that I've had sex with someone else, or driven a car that crashed and killed someone, or that I've humiliated myself at a work function and gotten fired.

Does anyone feel like this? Like one day at a time is just terrifying?
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:06 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Have you read Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey? It's about making a lifelong commitment to never drink again, opposite of the one-day-at-a-time idea.

I, too, am a successful functioning alcoholic. But i am still an alcoholic. It will still eventually kill me if I keep it up, regardless of my nice home, good family, great education and successful business.

good luck and keep posting!
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:08 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR You sound just like I sounded on day 2 - just enough alcohol still in my system accompanied by withdrawals = thinking goes haywire
You know, when tomorrow arrives, it will be 'today' won't it
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:09 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thanks Trident, ill look into that book.

Zoe, that's exactly it. I am just so damn scared of the future. I am so afraid of drinking again , like I have no control over it.
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:10 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I would also recommend you look at Rational Recovery-it's a totally different concept than odaat. You can get the book off the internet
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:24 AM   #6 (permalink)
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The only time you can control is this exact moment. You cannot perfectly predict what tomorrow will bring, but you can choose not to drink in the NOW. And when tomorrow comes, it will then be now. Try not to fret too much about tomorrow.
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:25 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I always said that I gave up drinking forever and I am taking life one day at a time

Just to get you there a little guicker... google the crash course on AVRT to get to the Rational Recovery stuff. That was perfect for me. The book I liked less than the crash course.
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:32 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hey Baleine,

I go by the 'one day at a time' ethos but that's only because I am terrified of 'forever'. You have to use whatever mantra/recovery method/etc you feel will work best for you. Rational recovery is the one that focuses on stopping drinking 'forever' like trident said. Best of luck to you.

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Old 09-01-2013, 09:35 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Wanting to never drink again sounds perfectly reasonable to me , go for it

Here and now i don't want to either , ever .

Bestwishes, m
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:40 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Baleine, I'm the opposite the thought of never drinking again is more than I can take. I'm on day 2 again. Just passed 36 hours. Tired of blacking out every single night, waking up bruised with black eyes because I ran into furniture drunk. It's an emotional roller coaster, feel strong, feel depressed, feel strong, feel like crying. Trying to hang on until it smooths out. This is a great place to be. SR is my support and I love them. Hang onto SR. They want to help. I want to help. Loves.
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:41 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Baleine. Everyone has there own way of dealing with this. Some are one day at a time people, some are forever people. It is whatever works for you.

For me I had to do one day at a time as the idea of forever really scared me. Do what feels right for you.

And congrats on day 2!
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:49 AM   #12 (permalink)
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For me not drinking isn't about stopping, it's about not starting. Once that first drink went down, the person deciding about the second drink wasn't the same person.

The only way I can arrest this disease is not to take the first drink.

Glad to have you on board...this is a wonderful resource 24/7, you aren't alone!!!
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Old 09-01-2013, 09:59 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I think the "one day at a time" idea is this - it can be overwhelming to think about quitting FOREVER. When you're struggling RIGHT NOW, forever can seem like just too big of a nut to crack, and the enormity of it can be disheartening and weakening, making a person just want to give up and give in. If you focus your attention on "right now," that is a smaller and (hopefully) more manageable task than focusing on "forever." One day at a time doesn't necessarily mean that you make a new decision each day to not drink; rather, it means that you focus your attention on not drinking NOW, and you don't worry about tomorrow until tomorrow ... when it will be today.
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Old 09-01-2013, 10:13 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Yes! It is bloody terrifying.
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Old 09-01-2013, 11:21 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Thumbs up

I tell myself or remind myself, Why worry
about tomorrow when it hasn't gotten here
yet, nor may never get here. Shoots, if I
had continued to drink like I was back then,
I surely wouldn't be here today to share my
ESH - experiences, strengths and hopes with
you of what my life was like, before, during
and after my drinking career, as well as
tomorrow too. Meaning, if I drank I would
have been dead because I did make an
attempt to check out of this world, which
would have been a PERMANENT solution to a
temporary problem.

Just For Today, One Day at a Time allows
me to focus on a smaller amount or frame
of time incoperating tools and knowledge
of a recovery program in my days affairs
and not get so overwhelmed or anxious
about the future.
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Old 09-01-2013, 02:58 PM   #16 (permalink)
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I went one day at a time cos Forever scared me LOL.

There are folks here tho who just up and quit forever - Rational Recovery/AVRT is pretty much built on that idea.

whatever works

I recommend you also visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach like that
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Old 09-02-2013, 12:01 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Cool

I don't know where the idea that the founders of AA believed in quitting 'one day at a time,' cause that just isn't true. They believe in living one's life 'one at a time,' but they quit 'for good and all (forever).'

Therefore, I live my life one day at a time, but I quit (drinking 'n drugs) for good 'n all. ....that's my story 'n I'm stickin' to it

(o:
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Old 09-02-2013, 12:14 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trident View Post
Have you read Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey? It's about making a lifelong commitment to never drink again, opposite of the one-day-at-a-time idea.
That's what's been working for me. The Big Plan. I have decided that I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.
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I realized I could probably go on drinking like this for maybe two or three more years, or live for another two or three decades...but not both. Suddenly the choice became crystal clear.
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Old 09-02-2013, 12:53 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
They believe in living one's life 'one at a time,' but they quit 'for good and all (forever).'
I heard this in an XA speaker talk this morning and it's spot on. I could never really understand ODAAT but this clarified it for me
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Old 09-02-2013, 03:42 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Nothing to be scared of. One day at time is fine.

FWIW I am more scared what I could lose if I continued drinking. Thoses negative thoughts about what I could lose do stop me from drinking. Take comfort from the fact no matter how hard that you are now stopping a "train wreck" from happening in the future. Picture yourself 10 years down the line still drinking......will you have kids? Will your kids see you drunk? Will your husband look on you as a wonderful mother? The list is endless.
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