Day 1
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I'm happy to see that you're back Acheleus!
What happened yesterday that made you say "scr** this" and what are you going to do so that it doesn't happen again?
It was sad to know that you had given up. You do know that you can do this and at times it's going to suck but you just have to hang in there! I wish you had stayed yesterday and let us help you.
Don't bang your head against a wall, do what you need to do so that it doesn't happen again. You'll be a much happier person
What happened yesterday that made you say "scr** this" and what are you going to do so that it doesn't happen again?
It was sad to know that you had given up. You do know that you can do this and at times it's going to suck but you just have to hang in there! I wish you had stayed yesterday and let us help you.
Don't bang your head against a wall, do what you need to do so that it doesn't happen again. You'll be a much happier person
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Ach. Glad you decided to rescind your goodbye. SR will always be here for you and the rest of us. Anything different you might try this time? I hope you rescheduled your doc/therapist appts too, that will be a big help.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
I'm glad to see you today Ache...but I'm worried for you. I'm glad to see you're still fighting and not throwing in the towel. Did you ever seek out AA? I don't recall seeing any posts regarding what happened with that. Do you do any reading on recovery or spirituality? SR is a huge part of my recovery...but I need other pieces to. My therapist is a crucial part...as is reading and keeping a connection with a benevolent energy I believe exists in this universe. I would like to recommend the author Donald Miller to you..I think you might find something to hang on to in his writing...try "To Own a Dragon" as a start.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I just went out and partied. No arrests or anything, just hanging out with random people and telling jokes. I did not black out, I ate waffle house. I did play and sing at an open mic on Friday. Just stressed with teaching and classes, but I am done. I surrender and understand alcohol is not for me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,062
Good for realizing Ach and coming back here.
What do you want to do differently this time when that stress and AV hits? Are you hitting up any meetings?
Really glad you are back and hoping that you can find some healthier ways to cope when things get tough! I know you can do it!!
What do you want to do differently this time when that stress and AV hits? Are you hitting up any meetings?
Really glad you are back and hoping that you can find some healthier ways to cope when things get tough! I know you can do it!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Acheleus. My brother in sobriety.
This s##t is hard friend. It will have its unbelievable moments of frustration and discomfort. There is something of the mental obsession about quitting drinking that takes over our being in the beginning. As if the drinking and that obsession wasn't enough of a problem, then we have to deal with daily mind screws over quitting the one thing that was sabotaging us? It really can make time seem like it has stopped. This can take place for awhile.
One month in, and all the feelings flood. Maybe you will see a glimpse of what good days look like, but being one month in a person is set to just do the simplest things. There are good days, and not all experience being newborns, but it seems like the days are just filled with getting through "IT". After a few months the head screaming has stopped. Different thoughts start to churn in the brain that was screaming for alcohol. Then there is a settling. Seeing that you made it out of the fog of S##t, there is a deep breathing that is being experienced. You will be able to lend others a hand in their struggles, saying "I remember that S##T, and it will go away, but give it time!" These are wise words. They are coming from someone who has been through the beginnings of the alcohol mental withdrawl stage. That is what it is in my opinion. A mental withdrawl from alcohol.
Now, for the real work. The how do I deal with my issues of abandonment, of depression, of isolation? Why do I think that my identity is wrapped into a substance that I despise? Who and what am I? Where do I fit?
This is where a therapist, medication, and some good support from people who understand come in.
I encourage you to reach out to as many people as you can on this road. Post and give support. Tomorrow, pick up your phone and call your doctor and therapist. Tell them of this struggle that is plaguing you, and ask them for guidance and help. Help is there for you when you ask for it. Closing the door on your struggles, and giving into the problem is not making any one thing better A. Nothing. You are terrified of becoming the person that you despise, yet when the going gets tough, you choose to run to alcohol. Sobriety is hard for everyone in the beginning. No doubt about it.
I am glad you are back. What are you going to do?
This s##t is hard friend. It will have its unbelievable moments of frustration and discomfort. There is something of the mental obsession about quitting drinking that takes over our being in the beginning. As if the drinking and that obsession wasn't enough of a problem, then we have to deal with daily mind screws over quitting the one thing that was sabotaging us? It really can make time seem like it has stopped. This can take place for awhile.
One month in, and all the feelings flood. Maybe you will see a glimpse of what good days look like, but being one month in a person is set to just do the simplest things. There are good days, and not all experience being newborns, but it seems like the days are just filled with getting through "IT". After a few months the head screaming has stopped. Different thoughts start to churn in the brain that was screaming for alcohol. Then there is a settling. Seeing that you made it out of the fog of S##t, there is a deep breathing that is being experienced. You will be able to lend others a hand in their struggles, saying "I remember that S##T, and it will go away, but give it time!" These are wise words. They are coming from someone who has been through the beginnings of the alcohol mental withdrawl stage. That is what it is in my opinion. A mental withdrawl from alcohol.
Now, for the real work. The how do I deal with my issues of abandonment, of depression, of isolation? Why do I think that my identity is wrapped into a substance that I despise? Who and what am I? Where do I fit?
This is where a therapist, medication, and some good support from people who understand come in.
I encourage you to reach out to as many people as you can on this road. Post and give support. Tomorrow, pick up your phone and call your doctor and therapist. Tell them of this struggle that is plaguing you, and ask them for guidance and help. Help is there for you when you ask for it. Closing the door on your struggles, and giving into the problem is not making any one thing better A. Nothing. You are terrified of becoming the person that you despise, yet when the going gets tough, you choose to run to alcohol. Sobriety is hard for everyone in the beginning. No doubt about it.
I am glad you are back. What are you going to do?
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by Acheleus 
I just went out and partied. No arrests or anything, just hanging out with random people and telling jokes. I did not black out, I ate waffle house. I did play and sing at an open mic on Friday. Just stressed with teaching and classes, but I am done. I surrender and understand alcohol is not for me.
Said with love, of course.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,920
I am so scared of all this. School and teaching pressures are driving my crazy and I feel so stressed about applying for teaching jobs, being poor, always afraid. I'm just going to rest and hope I feel better soon. Maybe a long hot shower would be nice.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by Acheleus
I am so scared of all this. School and teaching pressures are driving my crazy and I feel so stressed about applying for teaching jobs, being poor, always afraid. I'm just going to rest and hope I feel better soon. Maybe a long hot shower would be nice.
You have to find some way to remove the choice from yourself as to whether you can drink or not. You seem to be having a hard time fighting the AV and are quick to not let yourself ride the urge.
I use something periodically that really helped in the beginning. I went to visit a friend in the county jail who was in there for DUI. He is an avid smoker, always has been. Smoking isn't allowed at the jail. When we were in the room we were discussing different things and the subject of smoking came up. He could smell all the smokers that had come in to visit, including me. I apologized and asked how he was doing with it. His response was that it was hard but there's not much that he could do about it because he had no choice. It didn't matter how badly he wanted a cigarette he wasn't going to be able to have one so he had to find ways to suck it up and get his mind off of it.
Same thing with this. In the beginning when I had the urge I worked the plan. When the thought "I want a beer" came into my mind I would replace that with "I can't have a beer". It amazed me that if I said it and believed it how I would force myself to do something to try to take my mind off of it. I had no choice. I had to do it. It wasn't any fun but I soon came to learn that you don't have urges 24 hours a day 7 days a week. They come and they go. It might not seem while you're craving that it will go away but it's pretty amazing how you'll be doing something and realize that you no longer want to drink. It's on and off like that for a while. It works though. pretty soon "I can't have a beer" gets replaced with "I don't drink" and that gets easier each time you say it. It's just a fact, you don't drink.
If you really want to quit everyone here can tell you everything that works for them, be it AA, non 12 step, little tricks that they've formulated. However, none of that is going to work if you don't want it to. This has to come from you.
Don't give up, you want this, I know you do. I also promise this too. If you find what you need to do this you're going to be surprised at the relief that you discover and how all that stress that you originally felt will fade. You'll find peace, and that's what you need right now.
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