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Old 04-19-2013, 08:31 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I am an alcoholic

I swore I would never become one. That it was all just in fun with friends and that I could control it. I was wrong.

I have been drinking for four years straight now. Oh sure, I have been sober randomly, by pure luck, for a week or less here and there. But it doesn't last. It started out just loving the feeling that alcohol gave me; the euphoria and realization it gave that no matter how bad the day was, the night could be better with my friends and alcohol. And then friends weren't even required.

All that mattered was alcohol; I had a minor epiphany about my problem 2 years ago and changed my life. Or so I thought, but it didn't really. I slowed down on drinking, got a better job and was living a much more fulfilling life. And as I'm sure everyone can guess, I responded to this by celebrating. And drinking. More and more.

I am a functioning alcoholic. I wake up every day, and I go to work. I maintain a social life, but I know it isn't real. The more successful I am, the more I feel I can spend on alcohol as long as I take care of my other bills/priorities. A fifth of liquor a day is no big deal at this point anymore. Because, hey, I can afford it and it makes me feel so good at the time.

I know my health is getting worse, it may not show it, but I can tell. My body and heart is in terrible condition to how it used to be. And I know it's not just the getting older. I'm only in my mid 20s.

I know I can't compare to the stories that some people have, but I want help. And support. I really need the support. None of my family and friends know how I am, and I can't bear to tell them.
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Old 04-19-2013, 08:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi hangingdove

I think it's great you're here...I wish I'd had the self awareness and the courage to address my problems earlier rather than later.

Do you have any kind of a plan yet? any ideas?

D
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Old 04-19-2013, 08:53 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome hangindove. This is a great start. I wish I had made that decision earlier as well. There's lots of support here. It''s been an integral part in my success in remaining sober. Glad you are here.
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Old 04-19-2013, 08:58 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I would like to just go to a doctor and say "hey, I have a problem", but I'm terrified of what might happen. I may be fairly successful, but I don't feel like I can take off time, because of what that would do to my household. But I know that simply stopping probably won't do any major good, because I have briefly stopped before and have fallen back into it.
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Old 04-19-2013, 09:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR hangingdove!

Everyone's story is different, and you are not in competition with anyone here. We're all here to help each other! I totally agree with Dee, if you make a plan to address this now you won't have to see how bad this disease can be!
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Old 04-19-2013, 09:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hangingdove View Post
I would like to just go to a doctor and say "hey, I have a problem", but I'm terrified of what might happen. I may be fairly successful, but I don't feel like I can take off time, because of what that would do to my household. But I know that simply stopping probably won't do any major good, because I have briefly stopped before and have fallen back into it.
The first thing to consider is, whatever the doctor suggests, you'll have the ultimate word in whether you go along with it or not

No everyone goes to rehab or a detox facility...and its important to remember it takes more than just detox to stay sober.

Some kinf of regular support is necessary. Some people use AA or other recovery groups, some use counsellors, others use things like SR.

I think it's important to see a Dr though because stopping drinking can be problematic for some of us - even when it been ok on previous occasions - we just never know, and it's good to be safe
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Old 04-19-2013, 09:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I'm the same as you. The being "functioning" part is how we lie to ourselves to continue until we are no longer "functioning" and we won't even see it coming. Blinded by the booze. I'm on day 10 and it has been hard, but everyday I am starting to feel better and better, and you can too. There is a lot of support here. You are in the right place
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:41 PM   #8 (permalink)
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You'll find a lot of support here.
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Old 04-19-2013, 10:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
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How r u functioning on the inside, The part that no one else sees. Is that part functioning. The part that wakes up with horrendous guilt and fear and remorse. The depression and sadness.

On the outside I was the All Americian Mom. Inside I was living a lie. It was not very functional. I had to make a choice. Took a long time to surrender cuz I thought I was a functioning alcoholic. When the pain gets great enough we finally surrender no matter how we look to the outside world. You don't have to have as good(Bad) a story as anyone of us.R u in pain?
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