When first I knew
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
When first I knew
I sat with my head in my hands. The realization painful to bear. The disbelief. The instantaneous denial. But there was no denying it. It was real.
Addiction.
That's what happens to those people ... Not me.
Not only am I better than this.... I am a normal average guy. Decent job. Smart in some ways. Dumb in others. Small circle of friends. Nothing...nothing... Pointed to this or where I was heading. Or did it?
I had all the usual "happenings" in my life that could be used to explain it away. Child abuse. Gay. Lonely. I could limp along in life blaming drink and drugs on anything really.
But this path to redemption is not a blame game. It will never be for me. Blame begets blame. Totally unproductive.
I must own this.
So back in 2000 I knew for the first time. The thoughts raced across my fuzzy mind. I am heading in the wrong direction.
With every little pill I took. Every snort. Every puff. Every shot. I knew. For over a decade now I knew. I knew.
Why now then? Why stop?
I kinda think that in every addicts life there comes a time when continuing is actually harder to maintain. Some see it and still continue. Some see it and try to slow down. Some see it and try and try again to stop. Some see it and just stop.
I happen to have done all those approaches. A zig zag, loop de loop straight to sobriety.
Maybe you are taking the same path? I am getting there. I blame no one. I accept things as they are. That was a big step. I try to affect nothing other than my own sobriety. I wish this on no one. I try to help others like me. I am doing it. So can you!
Addiction.
That's what happens to those people ... Not me.
Not only am I better than this.... I am a normal average guy. Decent job. Smart in some ways. Dumb in others. Small circle of friends. Nothing...nothing... Pointed to this or where I was heading. Or did it?
I had all the usual "happenings" in my life that could be used to explain it away. Child abuse. Gay. Lonely. I could limp along in life blaming drink and drugs on anything really.
But this path to redemption is not a blame game. It will never be for me. Blame begets blame. Totally unproductive.
I must own this.
So back in 2000 I knew for the first time. The thoughts raced across my fuzzy mind. I am heading in the wrong direction.
With every little pill I took. Every snort. Every puff. Every shot. I knew. For over a decade now I knew. I knew.
Why now then? Why stop?
I kinda think that in every addicts life there comes a time when continuing is actually harder to maintain. Some see it and still continue. Some see it and try to slow down. Some see it and try and try again to stop. Some see it and just stop.
I happen to have done all those approaches. A zig zag, loop de loop straight to sobriety.
Maybe you are taking the same path? I am getting there. I blame no one. I accept things as they are. That was a big step. I try to affect nothing other than my own sobriety. I wish this on no one. I try to help others like me. I am doing it. So can you!
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