Self concious and judgemental - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Karissaleigh · 03-21-2013, 10:26 PM

I can't shake this problem. It is a problem. I had gone on vacation with the boyfriend to visit his parents and where he grew up. This is my first time on a vacation since I have stopped drinking. It was hard having one on one time with the parents, I was so afraid of making a good impression, I ended up fumbling over my words and sweating a lot... Literally. The hardest part was meeting his friends. In our relationship, we have made our friends, and everything is familiar to me... Stepping into his past, and where he came from was not familiar, and uncomfortable. I found upon the 2nd meeting of his friends was better for the most part. It's easy for me to automatically look at everything that I do not possess and how great everyone else is. Anyone

Karissaleigh · 03-21-2013, 10:28 PM

Anyways to work through these situations or exercises that may be helpful?

Grymt · 03-21-2013, 10:37 PM

I don't know. I suppose don't look for perfection and be aware of your breathing. Take a stroll around the place. Have a few light nibbles like some nuts and raisins to hand and keep being there because it gets easier?

Coldfusion · 03-21-2013, 10:39 PM

Karissaleigh, I'm not sure what you're asking...

If you didn't drink before, during, or after these difficult situations, that's considered a major success around here!

instant · 03-22-2013, 12:27 AM

Working on accepting experiences unconditionally with an open heart takes time. Don't be to hard on yourself. I am trying to train myself to focus on the positives and understand my fears

misspond · 03-22-2013, 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Karissaleigh

I can't shake this problem. It is a problem. I had gone on vacation with the boyfriend to visit his parents and where he grew up. This is my first time on a vacation since I have stopped drinking. It was hard having one on one time with the parents, I was so afraid of making a good impression, I ended up fumbling over my words and sweating a lot... Literally. The hardest part was meeting his friends. In our relationship, we have made our friends, and everything is familiar to me... Stepping into his past, and where he came from was not familiar, and uncomfortable. I found upon the 2nd meeting of his friends was better for the most part. It's easy for me to automatically look at everything that I do not possess and how great everyone else is.

To be fair I think that many people have difficulty in this kind of situation, meeting the family and friends acquired before your relationship with a loved one, but deeps breaths, smile and just be yourself. There's no need to be concerned about such a natural emotion as mild anxiety/will they like me?

Pondlady · 03-22-2013, 05:18 AM

It sounds like you truly experienced a situation....feeling nervous and uncomfortable. It happens, it's part of life. It's also a reason many of us drank....to take the edge off. Kudos to you for getting through it without drinking. I think it just takes practice....sounds like you did great

***Anna*** · 03-22-2013, 05:50 AM

Yeah, I think it's so good that you got through that experience that was uncomfortable for you, and would have been for many of us. Before I began recovery, I used to judge other women. It was almost an automatic reaction born out of insecurity. So, it was hard for me to connect with women. Thankfully, that changed in recovery and it's so nice to be able to see other people's good points without feeling insecure.

Karissaleigh · 03-22-2013, 06:20 PM

I think ultimately there is just a lot of comfort in knowing that I am not the only one that has felt these thing, and that it is ok to have these feelings, as long as I agnowledge that I will need to work on my own self peception and work on the things I can

I am so greatful that there is a place to put these emotions out there. Thank you all for listening and giving advice and support.

***least*** · 03-22-2013, 06:30 PM

We're here to give support.

03-21-2013, 10:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
Karissaleigh Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: United States Posts: 170	Self concious and judgemental I can't shake this problem. It is a problem. I had gone on vacation with the boyfriend to visit his parents and where he grew up. This is my first time on a vacation since I have stopped drinking. It was hard having one on one time with the parents, I was so afraid of making a good impression, I ended up fumbling over my words and sweating a lot... Literally. The hardest part was meeting his friends. In our relationship, we have made our friends, and everything is familiar to me... Stepping into his past, and where he came from was not familiar, and uncomfortable. I found upon the 2nd meeting of his friends was better for the most part. It's easy for me to automatically look at everything that I do not possess and how great everyone else is. Anyone

03-21-2013, 10:37 PM	#3 (permalink)
Grymt anicca Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Sheewah, Western Australia Posts: 406 Blog Entries: 2	I don't know. I suppose don't look for perfection and be aware of your breathing. Take a stroll around the place. Have a few light nibbles like some nuts and raisins to hand and keep being there because it gets easier? __________________ ------------ “But there is one thing that is privileged to be a paradoxical sign of God, in relation to which men are able to manifest their deepest commitment -- our Neighbor." ― Gustavo Gutiérrez, A Theology of Liberation

03-21-2013, 10:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
Coldfusion Sobriety is Traditional Join Date: Dec 2012 Location: Northwest Washington Posts: 1,648	Karissaleigh, I'm not sure what you're asking... If you didn't drink before, during, or after these difficult situations, that's considered a major success around here! __________________ When I accept the whole range of gifts from my creator, I am ready for the school of life. --Anne Wilson Schaef

03-22-2013, 12:27 AM	#5 (permalink)
instant instant Join Date: May 2011 Location: Australia Posts: 4,382 Blog Entries: 5	Working on accepting experiences unconditionally with an open heart takes time. Don't be to hard on yourself. I am trying to train myself to focus on the positives and understand my fears __________________ Let everyone be my teacher and RTFD May 15 2011

03-22-2013, 05:18 AM	#7 (permalink)
Pondlady Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Midwest Posts: 2,535	It sounds like you truly experienced a situation....feeling nervous and uncomfortable. It happens, it's part of life. It's also a reason many of us drank....to take the edge off. Kudos to you for getting through it without drinking. I think it just takes practice....sounds like you did great __________________

03-21-2013, 10:28 PM	#2 (permalink)
Karissaleigh Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: United States Posts: 170	Anyways to work through these situations or exercises that may be helpful?

03-22-2013, 05:50 AM	#8 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 28,147	Yeah, I think it's so good that you got through that experience that was uncomfortable for you, and would have been for many of us. Before I began recovery, I used to judge other women. It was almost an automatic reaction born out of insecurity. So, it was hard for me to connect with women. Thankfully, that changed in recovery and it's so nice to be able to see other people's good points without feeling insecure. __________________ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Marianne Willianson

03-22-2013, 06:20 PM	#9 (permalink)
Karissaleigh Member Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: United States Posts: 170	I think ultimately there is just a lot of comfort in knowing that I am not the only one that has felt these thing, and that it is ok to have these feelings, as long as I agnowledge that I will need to work on my own self peception and work on the things I can I am so greatful that there is a place to put these emotions out there. Thank you all for listening and giving advice and support.

03-22-2013, 06:30 PM	#10 (permalink)
*least* bona fido dog-lover Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: eastern USA Posts: 29,189 Blog Entries: 31	We're here to give support. __________________ I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them. Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole. Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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