Should be at 44 days today...instead I'm at 1.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sobrietygrl4 
Day 2. I prayed last night and this morning, talked to my sponsor and shared at a meeting this morning. My head feels clear and focused. So, reflecting back on my list of my additions to my recovery program, I made pretty much four for four. Technically, I didn't really have any yucky feelings, so the last one isn't entirely applicable, but I still went to a meeting.
Today, I'm wearing sparkly jewelry. Earrings, a bracelet, and my rings. My shirt is black, but it has sparkly beads around the neckline. This is the symbolism of my bright future. Things are going to be OK. You guys are right. I have not lost everything. I have many things to be grateful for. This morning, I was late to work because I stopped to kiss and hug my kids, and to deliver some yummy ribs to my husband. These are my blessings.
Today, I'm wearing sparkly jewelry. Earrings, a bracelet, and my rings. My shirt is black, but it has sparkly beads around the neckline. This is the symbolism of my bright future. Things are going to be OK. You guys are right. I have not lost everything. I have many things to be grateful for. This morning, I was late to work because I stopped to kiss and hug my kids, and to deliver some yummy ribs to my husband. These are my blessings.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Thank you for your honest post regarding your relapse. I identified with the car crash and it made me think about how progressively things got so much worse for me as I kept trying to "drink in moderation". I hope your days continue to sparkle 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 86
Day 3 today. I'm going to update every day until Day 10, for now. It will make me accountable during these first days. I know I've made it there (and beyond) before, but I need that extra security for my recovery right now. I guess this is an easy #5 on my list of things that I will do for my recovery this time.
I went to a meeting this morning and cried. I didn't cry yesterday when I admitted I went out again, but today I cried. Not out of shame or misery or guilt, but because I was SO grateful for the meeting, my ability to be there, and the awakening that I am finally experiencing. I prayed again last night and this morning, and I'm calling my sponsor at lunchtime. Hope everyone else is having a wonderful sober day!
I went to a meeting this morning and cried. I didn't cry yesterday when I admitted I went out again, but today I cried. Not out of shame or misery or guilt, but because I was SO grateful for the meeting, my ability to be there, and the awakening that I am finally experiencing. I prayed again last night and this morning, and I'm calling my sponsor at lunchtime. Hope everyone else is having a wonderful sober day!
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
Originally Posted by sobrietygrl4
I'm all out of chances, and I'm starting to run out of hope.
But look at that first post and then the last one you put up. What a difference. Gratitude is a huge thing, and allowing yourself to see that what you see as perhaps a pre-ordained thing isn't at all. Honesty...what a big thing is made of it, but you can see it at work in what was going on. Without true and complete honesty (to yourself, to your sponsor, etc) things went pear shaped pretty quickly. We can't deal with things that are concealed or covered up - lies of commission or omission.
So the things you need to do daily - prayer, meditation, talking to sponsor or others...make it a routine. And seek your truth. Work the steps, get clarity. Doing these things brought me to a place now where drink doesn't enter the equation, and I live a life much better than I ever thought I could have. I have given myself permission to do so.
Congrats on your three days
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sobrietygrl4
Day 3 today. I'm going to update every day until Day 10, for now. It will make me accountable during these first days. I know I've made it there (and beyond) before, but I need that extra security for my recovery right now. I guess this is an easy #5 on my list of things that I will do for my recovery this time.
I went to a meeting this morning and cried. I didn't cry yesterday when I admitted I went out again, but today I cried. Not out of shame or misery or guilt, but because I was SO grateful for the meeting, my ability to be there, and the awakening that I am finally experiencing. I prayed again last night and this morning, and I'm calling my sponsor at lunchtime. Hope everyone else is having a wonderful sober day!
I went to a meeting this morning and cried. I didn't cry yesterday when I admitted I went out again, but today I cried. Not out of shame or misery or guilt, but because I was SO grateful for the meeting, my ability to be there, and the awakening that I am finally experiencing. I prayed again last night and this morning, and I'm calling my sponsor at lunchtime. Hope everyone else is having a wonderful sober day!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Toronto
Posts: 318
Originally Posted by Swampfox1963
I'm sorry about your car. Hey you slipped after 44 days. Don't be so hard
on yourself. Now just say you had one slip up in 44 days. Don't feel guilty...your not going to DT as bad if at all. Self guilt over 1 relapse can lead to more. I'm on day 5 of sobriety and still going through DT's and practically no sleep. Alcohol calls when you least expect it. About three weeks ago I was turning in my drive way and overshot it and ended up in a deep ditch. I thought I was sober but alcohol was still backed up in
my system. I was fortunate not to have gotten a DUI and someone came a long and gave me a quick pull. But just resolve yourself not to drink again and keep moving forward with life. We are alcoholics...sometimes it takes several slip ups before you get it right.
Don't feel guilty...endeavor to persevere.
on yourself. Now just say you had one slip up in 44 days. Don't feel guilty...your not going to DT as bad if at all. Self guilt over 1 relapse can lead to more. I'm on day 5 of sobriety and still going through DT's and practically no sleep. Alcohol calls when you least expect it. About three weeks ago I was turning in my drive way and overshot it and ended up in a deep ditch. I thought I was sober but alcohol was still backed up in
my system. I was fortunate not to have gotten a DUI and someone came a long and gave me a quick pull. But just resolve yourself not to drink again and keep moving forward with life. We are alcoholics...sometimes it takes several slip ups before you get it right.
Don't feel guilty...endeavor to persevere.
As for 44 days that is not a bad slip. I went almost 2 years and slipped. I stopped for the 2 years because I had a seizure, and look what happened. I went back. I have read lots of forums to "taper off". I cant do that. Im on day 5 as well, DT's are slowly going away. My DT's are serious so for the first time (other then being in the hospital) I went to the doctor to get some pills.He gave me an off the shelf Vit B1.
I agree with the above statement. Sometimes it does take a few slips, sometimes many many many. I have had many. I lost most of my friends, my family is very disappointed, but it is one day at a time. Life goes on, and your only option is to apologize, move forward and take one day at a time.
Wish you all the best
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 86
Day 4 today. Looking forward to a nice, sober weekend with my kids.
I've got a little dilemma that I'd love some feedback about. As some of you may know, I'm in treatment. Treatment was mandated by the Department of Family Services as a condition for my safety plan for my kids. Well, I told my sponsor and what I consider to be my home group about my relapse over the weekend. My sponsor has now told me that she thinks that I should tell my treatment group because that would be working an honest program versus a program of deception. I can understand that logic....to an extent. If I tell on myself at treatment, it does not remain anonymous. I will be reported back to DCFS. I will have to remain in treatment for longer. There is the potential that it will go back to me only being able to see my kids under supervision. It could also hinder my upcoming court case, as my case worker will be providing me with a letter to my attorney regarding my compliance/non-compliance with my safety plan. The no-contact order between my husband and myself could be extended.
Some of these are absolutes, some are possibilities. I believe in working an honest program, and want to do everything to be successful in my recovery. However, as I did not volunteer for treatment and I have been honest with my sponsor and at AA, I don't understand how 'turning myself in' at treatment would result in anything other than further hurting myself and my family. I am not going to shoot myself in the foot just to be honest at a program that is strictly being used as an educational tool. I venture to guess that no one would tell me to 'tell on myself' to the State's Attorney or to DCFS directly. Or even to family or friends that are outside of AA... In fact, I've heard others say that it's no one's business other than their own and their sponsor's.
I feel like I may be being led down a wrong path...or at least not on a path that is in line with the true responsibilities of a sponsor. It's my understanding that a sponsor should be a guide in my program, specifically through the steps. What do you guys think?
I've got a little dilemma that I'd love some feedback about. As some of you may know, I'm in treatment. Treatment was mandated by the Department of Family Services as a condition for my safety plan for my kids. Well, I told my sponsor and what I consider to be my home group about my relapse over the weekend. My sponsor has now told me that she thinks that I should tell my treatment group because that would be working an honest program versus a program of deception. I can understand that logic....to an extent. If I tell on myself at treatment, it does not remain anonymous. I will be reported back to DCFS. I will have to remain in treatment for longer. There is the potential that it will go back to me only being able to see my kids under supervision. It could also hinder my upcoming court case, as my case worker will be providing me with a letter to my attorney regarding my compliance/non-compliance with my safety plan. The no-contact order between my husband and myself could be extended.
Some of these are absolutes, some are possibilities. I believe in working an honest program, and want to do everything to be successful in my recovery. However, as I did not volunteer for treatment and I have been honest with my sponsor and at AA, I don't understand how 'turning myself in' at treatment would result in anything other than further hurting myself and my family. I am not going to shoot myself in the foot just to be honest at a program that is strictly being used as an educational tool. I venture to guess that no one would tell me to 'tell on myself' to the State's Attorney or to DCFS directly. Or even to family or friends that are outside of AA... In fact, I've heard others say that it's no one's business other than their own and their sponsor's.
I feel like I may be being led down a wrong path...or at least not on a path that is in line with the true responsibilities of a sponsor. It's my understanding that a sponsor should be a guide in my program, specifically through the steps. What do you guys think?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Illinois
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Yes, I went on Tuesday, Wednesday, and yesterday. Next Thursday is suppposed to be my last day. I've continued to do all of the other things required of me for the class. Like I said, I'm not going to tell on myself, honest or not, because I won't throw my family under the bus, so to speak. Why hurt them if I can avoid it? Maybe it's getting away with something that I shouldn't be getting away with, but that's between me and God. I don't know how hurting them makes it right.
My concern is not 'to tell or not to tell'. My concern is whether my sponsor is leading me astray or not, because if she is, I may need to find another sponsor. If she is telling me the right thing, then I can feel confident in continuing to follow her direction even though I will tell her that I cannot do this one thing she is asking of me. Who knows, she may very well drop me as a sponsee if she thinks my program is that dishonest.
My concern is not 'to tell or not to tell'. My concern is whether my sponsor is leading me astray or not, because if she is, I may need to find another sponsor. If she is telling me the right thing, then I can feel confident in continuing to follow her direction even though I will tell her that I cannot do this one thing she is asking of me. Who knows, she may very well drop me as a sponsee if she thinks my program is that dishonest.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sobrietygrl4
Yes, I went on Tuesday, Wednesday, and yesterday. Next Thursday is suppposed to be my last day. I've continued to do all of the other things required of me for the class. Like I said, I'm not going to tell on myself, honest or not, because I won't throw my family under the bus, so to speak. Why hurt them if I can avoid it? Maybe it's getting away with something that I shouldn't be getting away with, but that's between me and God. I don't know how hurting them makes it right.
My concern is not 'to tell or not to tell'. My concern is whether my sponsor is leading me astray or not, because if she is, I may need to find another sponsor. If she is telling me the right thing, then I can feel confident in continuing to follow her direction even though I will tell her that I cannot do this one thing she is asking of me. Who knows, she may very well drop me as a sponsee if she thinks my program is that dishonest.
My concern is not 'to tell or not to tell'. My concern is whether my sponsor is leading me astray or not, because if she is, I may need to find another sponsor. If she is telling me the right thing, then I can feel confident in continuing to follow her direction even though I will tell her that I cannot do this one thing she is asking of me. Who knows, she may very well drop me as a sponsee if she thinks my program is that dishonest.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 41
Great attitude and keep up the good work! I found one of your posts very inspiring. I'm on day 2 trying to tackle this sobriety thing. I feel like if I've made it through everything I already have, I can definitely make it through this. One day at a time...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 86
Day 5. Feeling sick, but not from a hangover! I had a bit of a bad moment a little while ago-took some daytime cold medicine and something about it triggered a craving. I think it must have had the taste of some kind of alcohol (it was alcohol-free, btw). It was brief but strong. Thank goodness for some decadent coffee that I had brewing. Hope everyone has a great day!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 86
Day 6. I'm at an animal show with the kids and my husband. I picked him up on the way here. He's drunk. At ten am. I hate all the digital access right now, because my first instinct is to get pissed and post on Facebook or send some mean texts or something, which is just throwing gas on the fire. I hate this. Hate it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 86
Day 7. Amazing how a night of sleep can put things into a whole new perspective. One week from today signifies the end of the worst of things, I think. Today, doctor. Tomorrow, pre-hearing for DCFS. Thursday, last night of treatment. Monday, court. Even with all that on the horizon, I feel better right now than I did 24 hours ago.
If I had drank yesterday, I would feel even worse right now. I would be back peddling, feeling guilty, scared, and hiding from people. Instead I'm ready to take on what I have to head on. Bring it.
If I had drank yesterday, I would feel even worse right now. I would be back peddling, feeling guilty, scared, and hiding from people. Instead I'm ready to take on what I have to head on. Bring it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sobrietygrl4
Day 7. Amazing how a night of sleep can put things into a whole new perspective. One week from today signifies the end of the worst of things, I think. Today, doctor. Tomorrow, pre-hearing for DCFS. Thursday, last night of treatment. Monday, court. Even with all that on the horizon, I feel better right now than I did 24 hours ago.
If I had drank yesterday, I would feel even worse right now. I would be back peddling, feeling guilty, scared, and hiding from people. Instead I'm ready to take on what I have to head on. Bring it.
If I had drank yesterday, I would feel even worse right now. I would be back peddling, feeling guilty, scared, and hiding from people. Instead I'm ready to take on what I have to head on. Bring it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 86
Day 8. The pre-hearing was uneventful - they post-poned it until the other court case is over. That's OK, though, because I still had the morning off and got to see the kids, do some shopping, go in for my bloodwork, and get my new debit card, so other things that have been getting pushed to the side (other than seeing my kids) got taken care of. And in the meantime, I don't have to worry about the DCFS junk for another two weeks when life is a little calmer. Keep smiling and keep sober, all! Things get better!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 86
Day 9. We just rearranged our office at work. House-cleaning at my home-away-from-home. I feel the same way as when I do clean at home, it clears the cobwebs out of my head as well. Thanks to all on SR. Hope you have a happy, sober day.
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