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Back here after a 6 week bender.

Old 02-09-2013, 12:50 PM
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Back here after a 6 week bender.

I allowed myself 1 drink on Christmas day while I was with family. That 1 drink has turned into 6 straight weeks of daily drunkenness. I've managed to 'only' call out of work an average of 1-2 days a week. I've burned through my entire year's worth of vacation days and it's only the beginning of February. I feel like my body's been beaten up, especially my liver. My house is a complete mess - piles of unopened mail, laundry strewn everywhere, got a few fines from the city for not shoveling my drive/sidewalk because I've been too drunk. All I've done for 6 weeks is get plastered alone and stumble into work a few times a week.

Something very good happened to me on Thursday, I won't get specific but it resulted in a raise and was a boost in my professional life. I've spent the past 2 days "celebrating" (getting drunk alone at home.) I feel like absolutely hell right now physically but my mind is fairly positive. I just want to get better and have freedom in my life again to do what I want again, instead of being confined to my home drinking vodka all day, every day.
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Old 02-09-2013, 12:56 PM
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Hi there, I did the same thing about 3 years ago ,i went out and told myself i would just have one drink after being sober for 3 months and this ''one drink'' set me on a 3 year binge of excessive drinking. im only just starting out sober again ,im on day 15. If you are doing well at work whilst getting smashed all the time, imagine how good you could do when u are 100% sober and focus!! good luck
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:15 PM
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mw, I hope you can stop soon before the one good thing that has happened takes a turn in the other direction. Are you drinking today? I really hope you can get back on track.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:30 PM
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Jeez mw, I really feel your despair....on a purely practical note, to add to general well wishes, it sounds as if a medically supervised detox might be a wise first step? Just to help you get through the first week of withdrawals, if nothing else.

thinking of you
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:44 PM
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Congratulations on the raise at work and I'm glad there's positive thoughts in your mind right now. You can get back on track and working on your recovery again. It might be a good idea to talk to your dr before you stop drinking.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:46 PM
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I'm sorry to hear this mw.
What are your plans for dealing with this, man?

D
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:10 PM
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I am so glad you are back, please don't ever ever do that to yourself again.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:22 PM
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When I went back to drinking I had a few years sober. After about a month I was sitting at my desk drinking vodka. It was 10:00 am. I realized I was right back where I had left it years earlier. I called a friend and told them. They sounded sad for me. I wonder if I had done something then if I could have spared myself the last four years of hell I just left a few months ago. Something to think about.
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Old 02-09-2013, 05:52 PM
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Thanks all for the replies. I have not drank today, and didn't really didn't have any intention to. There are pills left from the last time I "quit" and saw the doc for withdrawals. Just went to Target to buy cleaning supplies/tea/snacks and saw this guy asking around if they carried Ciroc. I can't believe how amazingly weak I am, because just that mundane thing gave me a huge urge to drink "just one more time and that's it". I'm really honestly scared that it will send me into another 1-2 month bender if I don't really grab hold of this yearning to quit today.
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Old 02-09-2013, 06:10 PM
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You need to be prepared for when the yearning does come back around, which it has an uncanny way of doing. You might want to start thinking about a plan for that. I'm glad you're back. I had one drink after 10 years. What followed was 7 more years of daily drinking. Lost all my freedom...along with my mind.
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Old 02-09-2013, 06:11 PM
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You have been exceptionally lucky, and I think you know it. The more you tempt fate the more likely that everything you have could be lost.
Stop now, not next week ..or next year.. now.
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Old 02-09-2013, 06:39 PM
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I've never been on a bender longer than a few days, I can't imagine the detox after 6 weeks. Be safe!

I'm guessing that quitting, what has no become a daily habit, is going to be tough on your own. I would suggest an AA meeting or 2 before you head back to work on Monday.
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Old 02-09-2013, 06:51 PM
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I did the very same thing the last Christmas I drank. I had been trying to moderate, but decided I'd have one glass of eggnog. It turned into a month long bender, and I barely made it out alive. It was so much more horrible than all the other times. The good news is it removed any doubt that I could ever touch the stuff again.

You don't have to return to that awful place. Glad to have you back with us. You can do this.
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Old 02-09-2013, 07:25 PM
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Hang in there and do the best you can.

Every urge you don't give into makes you stronger
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:54 AM
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Originally Posted by kizzy40 View Post
You have been exceptionally lucky, and I think you know it. The more you tempt fate the more likely that everything you have could be lost.
Stop now, not next week ..or next year.. now.
I absolutely agree with you.

I managed not to drink last night and just woke up this morning. I know this is twisted, but sobriety feels so strange. It feels very weird not to be dry heaving, nauseous, shaking, with a fever and cold sweats in the morning. There's a new grocery store that just opened and I can go have a visit right now, wow. The freedom to do something as simple as that feels like such a treat for me.
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Old 02-10-2013, 11:18 AM
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I know from many personal experiences that the one-drink argument is a path only fools follow. That's not to be judgmental. I was the fool for so many years. Just one drink always led me down to weeks of set-backs. I wish the OP strength and courage. You are worth it.
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Old 02-10-2013, 12:35 PM
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I am very sorry to hear this Mwstylee. Glad you are back. You quit for a rather longtime prior to this didnt you? Or am I wrong? Anyway do be careful with detox... and get back on the track of sanity you knew before.

I hope this is taken in the right spirit, as, I certainly would not wish what you have been going through the last six weeks on anyone. However, when I do hear an experience like this, it just reconfirms for me that any sip of alcohol would be a monumental risk for me.

I mean, before quitting, I had been drinking hard straight liquor, home alone, every day for many, many years. And every time I imagine taking a sip of something, say at a social event or holiday, all I can see is that I would immediately go back to daily secret drinking. How could it go any other way? It was my abusive buddy, and it would move right back in with me. I know it. I cannot even pretend otherwise. I can't even lie to myself about it because it is so obvious to me.

I am afraid some day I will forget. But then I read posts like yours and there it all is. There but for the grace of God go I. So I am so sorry for what you are going through, but I am grateful for the cautionary tale.

Please let us know how you are doing.
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Old 02-10-2013, 04:56 PM
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Originally Posted by EternalQ View Post
I am very sorry to hear this Mwstylee. Glad you are back. You quit for a rather longtime prior to this didnt you? Or am I wrong? Anyway do be careful with detox... and get back on the track of sanity you knew before.

I hope this is taken in the right spirit, as, I certainly would not wish what you have been going through the last six weeks on anyone. However, when I do hear an experience like this, it just reconfirms for me that any sip of alcohol would be a monumental risk for me.

I mean, before quitting, I had been drinking hard straight liquor, home alone, every day for many, many years. And every time I imagine taking a sip of something, say at a social event or holiday, all I can see is that I would immediately go back to daily secret drinking. How could it go any other way? It was my abusive buddy, and it would move right back in with me. I know it. I cannot even pretend otherwise. I can't even lie to myself about it because it is so obvious to me.

I am afraid some day I will forget. But then I read posts like yours and there it all is. There but for the grace of God go I. So I am so sorry for what you are going through, but I am grateful for the cautionary tale.

Please let us know how you are doing.
Thank you very, very much for that reply. I don't think I'm a stupid person, but I do when things like this happen. If someone lied to me once, I'd be very cautious. If they lie to me a second time, that's it. End of friendship. I've lied to myself for almost a decade now, since I was 18. "just one drink". I've said that to myself literally tens of thousands of times and you know what? I've never, ever ever had just 1 drink. Never in my life have I just had 1. I feel borderline insane.

Going to try out a program this Friday night. Not AA but a slightly different version of an alkie support group. I just want to get better and stop living like this. Day 2 is today, 7pm now and I'm almost in the clear.

Thanks for the replies everyone.
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Old 02-10-2013, 05:07 PM
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Great going! It will get easier I promise.. A visit to the docs may help just to give them a heads up on what you have achieved, eat really well maybe take some supplements?
keep busy, moderate exercise will help get you naturally tired to help combat any insomnia.
Really well done, sobriety mwstylee
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Old 02-10-2013, 07:15 PM
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Thank you for writing back and letting us know where you head is.

Like you said, you know you're not stupid. We all know you're not stupid. Now tell that addictive voice Your Momma didnt raise NO fool!

Let us know how your program / group goes!
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