After A Great Two Months Sober...
After A Great Two Months Sober...
I had a great two plus months sober, longest sobriety time ever! I was loving it, then stress kicked in and won the upper hand. That was about two weeks ago that I slipped back into the alcoholic downhill slope that I know so well. Need to get back on track, and convince myself, that I CANNOT now, nor will I EVER, be able to drink like a normal person! I guess I still have not been able to wrap my head around that fact, entirely. It's so depressing. URGH...thanks for listening
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Yorkshire, UK
Posts: 348
Sorry to hear about that Clipper,
I too have tried stopping for a while, and then thinking to myself "oh but i could have just a couple, it'll be okay, i've done so well! i'm likely cured!"
and then eventually I end up back where I am now. Have to get back on the horse as they say (or is it off the horse in this case, i dunno :P)
It sounds to me like you have got your head around it now?
Good Luck
AoS
I too have tried stopping for a while, and then thinking to myself "oh but i could have just a couple, it'll be okay, i've done so well! i'm likely cured!"
and then eventually I end up back where I am now. Have to get back on the horse as they say (or is it off the horse in this case, i dunno :P)
It sounds to me like you have got your head around it now?
Good Luck
AoS
Thanks guys...I guess the plan is to get through today, and try to make Day 1, once again. To try and learn from the good things that got me to the two month mark, and to learn from what made me slip. I just hate starting over, it was such a long, bumpy road. Also, spending more time here on SR and read other's posts may help, too.
Not to mention, get rid of all the empties when I get home.
Not to mention, get rid of all the empties when I get home.
Every time I have a craving since I quit (over a year ago) I remind myself that it's because I'm an alcoholic. Not because of stress or anything else. I'm an alcoholic and so my default behavior is to drink. But by consciously choosing different responses every time I had a craving I have sort of 'retrained' my mind so that my default instinct is different now. It really worked v. well.
Example: I am anxious (my trigger) and I want to drink. I want to drink because I'm an alcoholic. Normal people call a friend. I'm going to call someone and suggest we get coffee tonight when the kids are in bed.
Really simple (not easy...simple ). I can't remember the last time I had a craving. Although I am still an alcoholic.
Welcome back!
Example: I am anxious (my trigger) and I want to drink. I want to drink because I'm an alcoholic. Normal people call a friend. I'm going to call someone and suggest we get coffee tonight when the kids are in bed.
Really simple (not easy...simple ). I can't remember the last time I had a craving. Although I am still an alcoholic.
Welcome back!
Clipper, you have to hang in there and stay the course. You can start by reading your last post, and think about the words you used, and every time you used the word 'try'. Get rid of that word and replace it with something that says 'do'. Set your jaw and do this thing like you mean it. Firm up that plan, it's a good one, and make it a promise. Treat that promise as though your life depends on it because it does.
As cliche as it sounds, acceptance really is the first step. Once you get over that hurdle of denial, the twisted thinking that keeps you stuck in "maybe I can drink normally...", that's huge. You know you can do it because of those 2 months sober. So get back on track and stay strong. :-) Good luck.
Clipper,
I think you need to focus on the fact that you remained sober for 2 months and as you stated look at the things you learned and events that triggered the relapse. I am not a huge fan of recounting days - it is bound to make you feel discouraged. I will give you great advice I read from a book "The heart of addiction". "The fact is that if you have been doing well in your efforts to remain abstinent and have a slip, you are still basically doing well. Although slips are not desirable, they should not be a surprse - espcially while you are working out your understanding of the sources of the feelings of helplessness that lie bheind the addiction. Instead, even though they are clearly not a positive event, slips can and should be viewed with thoughtful consideration - as something to learn from about yourself and the conflicts that yu are dealing with through addictive behaviour". I hope this helps
I think you need to focus on the fact that you remained sober for 2 months and as you stated look at the things you learned and events that triggered the relapse. I am not a huge fan of recounting days - it is bound to make you feel discouraged. I will give you great advice I read from a book "The heart of addiction". "The fact is that if you have been doing well in your efforts to remain abstinent and have a slip, you are still basically doing well. Although slips are not desirable, they should not be a surprse - espcially while you are working out your understanding of the sources of the feelings of helplessness that lie bheind the addiction. Instead, even though they are clearly not a positive event, slips can and should be viewed with thoughtful consideration - as something to learn from about yourself and the conflicts that yu are dealing with through addictive behaviour". I hope this helps
"maybe I can drink like a normal person"?..."maybe I can have just one or two"?...this is the Alcoholic Devil voice talking trying to make you forget...that you can't drink.
It's happened to me too Clipper...dust yourself off and get back on track my friend. You truly know how good it feels to be sober. Keep fighting my friend
It's happened to me too Clipper...dust yourself off and get back on track my friend. You truly know how good it feels to be sober. Keep fighting my friend
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,047
Clipper, 2 months sober is awesome and I'm sure you'll do just fine and beat this addiction . I just want to point out one thing that I noticed instantly and questioned.
When the stress "kicked in" and you decided to go back to alcohol, what happened? When you woke up the next morning, the stress was still there AND you probably woke up feeling like garbage - that didn't solve a single thing, did it?
I'm not beating you up over it, just pointing out that even if you are under a stressful situation, you'll need to make future plans on how to deal with it in a non-destructive way. Going for a walk, Surfing SR (and whatever sites you love), reading a book..etc etc.
I'm rooting for your recovery.. Keep us updated.
then stress kicked in and won the upper hand.
I'm not beating you up over it, just pointing out that even if you are under a stressful situation, you'll need to make future plans on how to deal with it in a non-destructive way. Going for a walk, Surfing SR (and whatever sites you love), reading a book..etc etc.
I'm rooting for your recovery.. Keep us updated.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Vancouver BC Canada
Posts: 384
I totally relate clipper as my last relapse occurred when work was nuts and a lot of other commitments piling up. My thinking became affected by that and the relapse happened before I had a drink if I read my journal up to the point where I went off on the bottle.
I think people are correct in saying its our response to the stress , anxiety , a birthday or any number of things that is short circuited as alcohol has been the Pavlov's dog response . The tricky devil then gives a slight relief but then it takes over and well we know it becomes messy. So our response to the trigger and our response to drinking alcohol are abnormal and the way I see it , I can only change one...and it isn't the response to drinking alcohol anymore... that's history.
So your back on track and noting down what occurred to help in the future and that all sound positive to me.
I am pretty sure you can get many more sober days ahead and I think I can too. Right now I am just taking one day at a time and staying with my plan and taking care to overload myself with extra stuff till I am more capable of coping with it, this is day 16 and the way I view that is , 16 days of freedom. I enjoy that freedom and I will work on the next 24 hours of freedom. I imagine that will be the regime for quite a while to I get used to life on life's terms and well not my imaginary terms
I think people are correct in saying its our response to the stress , anxiety , a birthday or any number of things that is short circuited as alcohol has been the Pavlov's dog response . The tricky devil then gives a slight relief but then it takes over and well we know it becomes messy. So our response to the trigger and our response to drinking alcohol are abnormal and the way I see it , I can only change one...and it isn't the response to drinking alcohol anymore... that's history.
So your back on track and noting down what occurred to help in the future and that all sound positive to me.
I am pretty sure you can get many more sober days ahead and I think I can too. Right now I am just taking one day at a time and staying with my plan and taking care to overload myself with extra stuff till I am more capable of coping with it, this is day 16 and the way I view that is , 16 days of freedom. I enjoy that freedom and I will work on the next 24 hours of freedom. I imagine that will be the regime for quite a while to I get used to life on life's terms and well not my imaginary terms
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
It is depressing because you are looking at it from that particular point of view. I think you'll find that if you can change it from "I cannot drink" to "I choose not to drink," that it will not be depressing at all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 16
Thanks for the post clipper, i had a totally crap day and the only thing I can think about is drinking. I'm 49 days sober today, and your post is helping me. I don't have anything else to say. Stress is a hard one. We all, i guess, have to learn how to manage it without alcohol. this is a new one for me. sucks. I hope you get back on track. thinking of you. I guess I don't want to be a few years down the road and look back on this day as the day that I drank....the day is almost over. Tomorrow begins anew for us all.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
I may be 'cured' but I know how to go back being 'uncured' really fast, so I dont do that.
Wisdom is a question, What will you do different? Life is experience, 'learning from the good things', use that 2 months, it does count.
Wisdom is a question, What will you do different? Life is experience, 'learning from the good things', use that 2 months, it does count.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 1
"I CANNOT now, nor will I EVER, be able to drink like a normal person! I guess I still have not been able to wrap my head around that fact, entirely."
This is the first post I read on SR and it resonated so well with me. Thank you for reminding me of my own problem. I quit drinking about 10 weeks ago, but the same thoughts have been creeping into my head. I was just fantasizing about an upcoming vacation thinking that I can "drink like a normal person during my trip, if I carefully monitor myself."
You just reminded me about the last 4 or 5 times I fell off the wagon. Those dangerous thoughts have been my down fall each time and again thanks for the reminder and best wishes during your upcoming recovery.
This is the first post I read on SR and it resonated so well with me. Thank you for reminding me of my own problem. I quit drinking about 10 weeks ago, but the same thoughts have been creeping into my head. I was just fantasizing about an upcoming vacation thinking that I can "drink like a normal person during my trip, if I carefully monitor myself."
You just reminded me about the last 4 or 5 times I fell off the wagon. Those dangerous thoughts have been my down fall each time and again thanks for the reminder and best wishes during your upcoming recovery.
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