bigsombrero

I was not talking to you about that, I was talking to the OP. Your posts looked just fine to me!

ClearLight

I'll drop in my two cents here - as a fellow that used to sell LSD.

I have now come to view hallucinatory drugs being used recreationally as kind of an insult to the purpose of the drug.

And even to use them in a spiritual sense as kind of a beginner's introduction to spiritual sensibilities. But that's it. Something to get past at best.

For Fearlessness - I was watching Castaway the other night and it really resonated as a metaphor for fearlessness and addiction. Tom Hanks is stuck on that island and the only way to get back home is to find a way past the waves and cast himself adrift on the Pacific. Whoa- talk about taking a risk.

There's a saying - freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. Hanks got to that point.

Gforce23

Actually, I do think that indigenous cultures were more "enlightened," at least in some ways. They may have had an undeniable impact on their environment, but the way they lived on the land was, while not 100% sustainable (because nothing is %100 sustainable,) at least they were not destroying their future here on this planet with the single mindedness that western industrial civilization has been for several hundred years. They did not revere the material over the spiritual. The dire effects of increasing Global Warming, is the DIRECT result of Western civilization and it's endless quest to have more more more.
Also, most of the time, these plants were revered, and they were taken with in a ritualistic context, and not to "party." And besides, mushrooms, peyote, and all the other hallucinogens are not physically addictive in any way...but I am opening up a can of worms with this subject here so....

Moving along! Yeah, what scares me--jumping out of a plane sure does. Actually, just being on a plane scares me, never mind jumping out of one. The only way I would do that is if the plane was on fire, and someone handed me a parachute. They'd probably have to scream at me like a drill sargeant to get me to do it, even though my life depended on it.

Now, if my dream in life was to become a Smoke Jumper or a Paratrooper, I'd be thinking about trying to get over my fear and jumping out of that plane. I'd probably have to pack several pairs of pants, but if it was standing in the way of my dream, by god, what's a pair of crapped in pants.

I had some friends that did a Sky Diving course nearby, and after an 8 hour training session, they got to jump alone! My friend came back with a huge crazy grin and pictures of him holding on to the wing of the plane before he jumped. Just looking at that photo made me physically ill.

However, since my big fear is getting on stage in front of people, I think I'll work on that one instead. While a stage might be elevated off the ground, it is at least connected to the ground.

I don't know what happened. In my younger years, I did a ton of theater--big parts, too. I used to get butterflies before going on stage, and big rush of fear right before going through the curtain, but then... I'd just be ON. I think singing and playing guitar on stage is different than playing a character on stage. One is not really you, and the other is deeply, and profoundly you.

I'm working on it.

Dee74

nevermind...moving along sounds good

D

Gforce23

Really? The debate on this thread required a moderator? No offense, but can't we have a lively debate/discussion about these things? I mean, we're all adults here, and all the posts were respectful--so respectfully, what gives? What part of the discussion is transgressing on SR rules, if I may ask?

Sincerely,

Gforce.

Dee74

I'm a member too

I shared my experience.

The topic moved on while I was typing and doing a million other things besides
.
I unshared.

Not everything is a conspiracy

D

Gforce23

Oh, sorry, I totally misunderstood. No no, I didn't think it was a conspiracy. Intentions are sometimes hard to read in print--I.e the classic--email that you thought was totally innocuous but that the recipient took offense to. However, I am far from adverse to controversy, so I'm always on the lookout for crossing a line.

Anyway, please, share your experience--- Inquiring minds want to know! I thought maybe you were stepping in because the subject matter was maybe bound to get controversial--which is actually why I thought it might be a good idea to get back to the original intent of the thread.

However! I am more than interested in what you were going to share, but if the moment has passed, then I respect that too!

Dee74

I don't think it's really worth opening the box again...I think the moments passed G

D

Gforce23

Oh yeah,

And P.S. Soberlicious, after reading my last post in response to yours, I thought it's tone came off a bit aggressive, which was entirely unintentional. I'm just passionate about certain things. So, I hope you aren't wondering if you poked my beehive again...
That being said, I have 100% respect for you Sober, you've been hanging around my threads supporting me and you've really helped me out with some s**t that really makes sense--and I think your a bad a**!
So I hope we can have discussions where we don't always see eye to eye.

Cheers!

Gforce23

On the subject of Fearlessness:

Fearlessness to me, is not caring what other people think. It may sound like I don't already, but I do. I really, really do. If I'm being 100% honest, I want people to think I'm smart, funny, interesting and talented. I am afraid of appearing foolish, or being perceived as a hack or a gasbag that doesn't know what she's talking about. I want people to like me--which is ironic for a girl who's been giving the metaphorical finger to the world for over half of her life.

I want to find a way to go on with out my ego being the prime director of events. My own ego prevents me from doing the things that I want, because it is weak: if I face rejection, ridicule, or even criticism, my own weak ego will not be strong enough to shield me from the pain of facing my BIGGEST fear of all-- that maybe I'm not as smart, as funny, as interesting or as talented as I thought--in fact, maybe I'm just a pathetic shmo, just as I've always suspected. If I do something and fail, I'm afraid it will just prove all my fears right.

What I want from this journey, is to break out from behind what I like to call my facade of F***k You, and instead of pretending that I'm some bad ass chick in motorcycle boots that doesn't give a flying f***k through a rolling doughnut what people think, I want to REALLY and AUTHENTICALLY not give a rat's behind what people think--not to the point where I don't care about peoples feelings and become a narcissistic sociopath-- but so I can get on with my life and start doing what I want to do with out worrying about making an arse of myself.

When I've told people I've known in the past that I suffer from social anxiety, or stage fright, or that I'm insecure, I've often gotten this reaction: "What? I never would have guessed that, you seem pretty confident to me..." To which I say, "Don't confuse Bravado with actual bravery." I am not confident. This image you see here is just to throw people off the scent of where my true identity lies. I'm just a scared, insecure person who has often needs reassurance to know that I am O.K. The real me is actually terrified.

Sad, but true.

So I am using Bill's story as a ******** for my own personal journey to find my true identity and authentic artistic voice here on this crazy, nut house of a planet in this plane of existence we call life.

cheers...

ClearLight

Yeah - well for addiction there seems to be a big fear of letting go of the addiction.
Seems weird but I think it's sometimes true. I remember watching the show "Intervention" with all these folks not wanting to change. Yeah, and I'd be watching it drunk - go figure.
But even drunk I kept wondering - what do they have to lose? Now I have to ask that of myself.
I guess it's fear of leaving the comfort of what you already know.
Creatively you can call it stage fright or writers block. I know a lot of painters that were intimidated by the blank canvas.
I guess the idea of dropping alcohol can be like staring at a blank canvas - what do I do now?
For your stage fright it means leaving your comfort zone and going into uncharted waters.

Gforce23

Clearlight--I do not at all think it's weird to be afraid to give up an addiction. I was terrified about quitting drinking up until um, let's see maybe...well, let's just say it's getting better. I'm still going through it, but I'm trying to limit my exposure to things that might evoke that fear/desire.

We wouldn't drink or do drugs if it wasn't doing something for us, after all. They don't call em' a "crutch" for nothin.'

So, yeah, we are all definitely going into uncharted territory when we sober up, and that is sometimes terrifying. As they say, sometimes the devil you know is better than the one you don't.

I've been trying to remember back to a time in my life that I socialized without drinking much. It turns out, that in high school, while I was definitely experimenting with alcohol here and there, and I did get drunk once and a while, my friends and I went out a lot without drinking, or we drank very little. I saw all kinds of shows back then with out drinking. In fact, I remember an all ages Fishbone show at a club, and I don't remember drinking at all for that. I skanked the life out of my herringbone skirted hips and Doc Martin clad feet.

Heck, my friend and I used to sneak out of the house (in Santa Barbara) and go see shows in L.A.--two hours away (!) at these crazy rock and roll clubs where everyone had enormous and colorful hair (it was the late 80's) crazy make-up and pointy boots with a lot of buckles. Oh yeah, and concha belts. Anyhoo, yeah, I saw a lot of bands back then mostly sober. So I'm trying to conjure the memory of those times past, when the entire focus of the evening was not on acquiring more beer or booze.

And yeah, trying to remember a time when I didn't rely so much on alcohol to soothe my nerves, to celebrate, to be brave or whatever!

Woooh... another lengthy post. Well, I'm home with a sore throat today, so... you know what better thing do I have to do than work my life out here on SR!

Cheers

bigsombrero

You and your crazy thoughts man! Hey, I like it. And for the record, sometimes I start threads that get locked or whatever, but it's not really meant as a personal slight by the moderators.

Anyway, so if you really want to face fear and take your mind waaaay out there, I suggest trying to ponder the vastness of the universe. Actually, scientists say we humans actually DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY to even fathom how big it is, because even our most extreme references can't even come close to the size. You don't need drugs, alcohol, or to have ever tried a substance in your life to get geeked out on this stuff. The light we see in the stars is light that burned out 3 million years ago. That's true! How crazy is that?

Stay thoughtful. BTW Have you ever checked out Neil DeGrasse Tyson? Look on YouTube, he's astrophysicist who actually puts things in terms you can grasp. Anyway, he has a cool quote that has always inspired me to think about the cosmos we're in:

“Recognize that the very molecules that make up your body, the atoms that construct the molecules, are traceable to the crucibles that were once the centers of high mass stars that exploded their chemically rich guts into the galaxy, enriching pristine gas clouds with the chemistry of life. So that we are all connected to each other biologically, to the earth chemically and to the rest of the universe atomically. That’s kinda cool! That makes me smile and I actually feel quite large at the end of that. It’s not that we are better than the universe, we are part of the universe. We are in the universe and the universe is in us.” - Neil DeGrasse Tyson

jazzfish

If we are products of the universe, then in creating humans, the universe created the ability to ponder itself.

Gforce23

Thanks, and yeah, I LOVE Niel DeGrasse Tyson. That guy is outa' this world! (he he.)

P.S, I never really said that you "need" drugs to have certain experiences, just that certain experiences are much more easily facilitated by certain drugs, if you are indeed seeking those experiences. But if not, hey--it doesn't "matter." Tee hee, I'm cracking my self up with space and physics puns. Don't mind me, I'm just "Quark-y."



But seriously, I geek out on this stuff all the time. Since I can remember. I've also had very intense and very symbolic dreams my whole life, and sometimes I've had dreams about things that I couldn't have known about previously. I didn't use drugs to get those dreams, I just went to sleep. I don't know what they mean either, but they sure have been an interesting experience...

Gforce23

Yes. And, the Observers actual changed what they were observing by observing it.

Dee74

This time I am wearing my mod hat

this would be a perfectly acceptable argument in many other places - I'm unconvinced that the Newcomers forum on a recovery site is the best place for it tho.

best to keep moving on,
thanks,

D

Gforce23

No prob, I personally didn't think I was "promoting" anything, well, certainly not intentionally anyway. However, I agree that about the appropriateness of the content considering which forum I'm in... I/you can edit or it out if you want. (?) Thanks for the reminder.

Gforce23

Ugh, how to rescue a thread after it's been side tracked and side-lined... oh, crumb cake. Until I got on to defending my point of view about certain things, I thought the idea behind this thread had value: fearlessness and becoming your authentic self after sobriety.

I hope that ship hasn't sailed....

Dee74

Most of the thread I post on seem to come back G...don't despair
right now my authentic self needs lunch

D