acarletti

I am in recovery from alcoholism. I met my boyfriend in AA while I was going through a divorce and very vulnerable. We lived together for a year until last October when we both realized I never took the time to be alone. He started drinking again a few months prior to this and I saw the nasty side he had always spoken about. In November 2012 he "attempted " suicide (he gave me and his family plenty of time to find him before he went through with it, but yes it was a cry for help) He ended up on a psych ward, rehab and now a sober house. I had lent him a lot of money through the 3 years which he was very slowly paying back and left me with many bills. He was very postive a few days before the end of his 28 days in rehab, loving and estatic to see me. A couple of days into his sober house I found out from him that a lot of our time had been a lie. He told me that he was shooting up heroin and injecting coke and selling it to afford it. I had no idea but in retrospect a lot of the pieces are coming together. I feel in my gut that he has lied about a lot more than this but is not "ready to talk" He has no job, no phone and yes I feel for him. He has not been in touch with me for a couple of weeks or more. It was "suggested" to me that he is so low, so ashamed and so down and out that he can't handle talking to me, that perhaps he wants to be a better person before contacting me. I understand addiction obviously but I don't know if I believe this. Do I move on with my life or give him the time he needs. He has every opportunity to write to me and tell me that it is over. I love him very much but am incredibly hurt and angry that he has not made some sort of amends ....yes...maybe too early and painful.(plus I am stuck with paying off a loan I took for him now in excess of $5,000) I have always been a people pleaser, a typical co-dependant and COA. On our 3 year anniversary on January 20th I did not even receive a quick call (from the phone booth) and when I saw him the next day (the last time I saw him) he gave no explanation. I told him I was very hurt. I decided to write him cheery letters but have stopped that too, waiting like a fool for him to reach out to me. But AM I a fool? When is it time to let go? Since I have heard from another person in the sober house (the boyfriend of my sister-in-law) that he doesn't want me to "leave" I am still resentful that I did not even receive a letter with 3 words (I love you) More upsetting is why do I really still feel this way?Is it the loan...that I feel used and maybe NEVER loved...maybe this is my "soulmate" as I truly loved/love him....or am I just lonely and feeling betrayed. Yes I have a therapist Yes I understand textbook addiction (I worked as a mental health counselor in a dual diagnosis unit in a hospital) but what do I do to ease my heart AND my soul

smacked

Yes, both..

Dee74

Hi acarletti

I think support really helps us when we're hurting, and you'll find a lot of that here, and in our Family and Friends forums too.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

for me, I think if you've been hurt in the past, with no sense of remorse or apology forthcoming, and/or you're not getting what you want from a relationship now, I think it's time to re-evaluate.

D