HereIAm321

because I'm STILL not done cleaning the house and it's my last day to do so until my sister is here!

LexieCat

Breathe. It's cleaner than mine, trust me on that. You could be on the set of "Hoarders" and it would be cleaner than mine.

It's gonna be OK if it's not perfect.

Received

roflmao. Now that was some seriously funny stuff LexieCat.

HereIAm321, I agree with LexieCat. Breath, calm down. You're okay. It's okay.

HereIAm321

I just started whimpering like a puppy for 10 min, then cried for 10 min with the shuddering gasps for breath, then SOBBED and cried out "oh mom. I'm so sorry. How could I have ever done this to myself??? Look at me, look at this house! Look at how much neglect I thought was *okay*!"

Oh GAWD. :'( :'(

What did I DO to myself with my alcoholism?

Just crying and hyperventilating and smoking a cig now.

Received

You stopped drinking, that's what you did. That is huge.

When did you last eat something?

exauhsted

You know what.. it really don't matter, your sister is coming to see you..... right?

You are just trying to make things perfect ....and you can't ..just enjoy the time you have with her....((HUGS))

I can relate......

HereIAm321

Diet has been mostly diet Pepsi and crackers and candy and coffee today. No time to eat! The wreckage of my life needs to be hauled away.

I can't BELIEVE I didn't see how much my life was crumbling around me. I can't BELIEVE I thought I was *ever* "okay." I can't BELIEVE what being sober for only one week has shown me!!! :'(

Received

Eating something substantial helps me a lot when I get all discombobulated. Especially when I've overdone it with the caffeine.

HereIAm321

god god god god

WHO WAS I???!!!!!!

:'(

exauhsted

Don't worry about the wreckage of your house worry about the wreckage of your soul..Only thing that matters right now is that you and your sister connect and share a minute, put all the other stuff aside and focus on you and what you want to say to your sister. ((HUGS)))

LexieCat

OK, I was trying to laugh you out of it, but I can see this is serious. YOU MUST EAT. Caffeine and candy will increase your sense of panic. Eat something with protein. Scramble an egg, make a cheese sandwich or eat some peanut butter. Either of those takes 5 minutes, max.

All the messes in your life can be cleaned up. You don't have to do it all at once.

It didn't take you a day to accumulate the messes and it will take some time to clean them up. Don't drink, and you can clean them up. You are off to a good start. You are just FINE, whether your house is clean or not. You are making your life better.

Now, again, BREATHE.

Hollyanne

Eat.
Your sister will be so darned happy that you are sober, she won't give a hoot about the house.
Received is correct, it will help the extreme discombobulation to eat!

goingtoquit

Don't worry, she is there to see you, not your house.

paul99

No one ever did. Be gentle with yourself. You're moving in a different direction. The smoke coming from the bomb of our past life still wafts in our face when we start on the road to recovery. It takes time to clean up the wreckage of our past.

Breathe.

HereIAm321

It's our mom's house, and so many things should be done and they're not, and told her I quit 6 months ago but started up again obviously, doesn't know about my DUI, ahhhhhhhh

freshstart57

HereIam, you need some looking-aftering. I bet that you are really good at looking after others, nuturing, encouraging, strengthening. So, see if you can learn to look after you the same way.

Be patient, kind, generous, understanding and gentle with you. That most important person, the one who called for her Ma, could use someone to look after her. I think that you are the perfect person for the job.

exauhsted

So it's YOUR moms house is it not also HER moms house???

It will be OK just take a minute and breathe like Lexi said..

Go eat and just rest..let tomorrow take care of itself. The world will not end ...trust me.

It will be OK.. ((HUGS))

HereIAm321

Okay, I ate.

Now I have to go to my education class, which is 2 hours. Then home to pull all nighter cleaning, then tmrw taking dog to vet and boarding her, then 6 hour drive to my cousin's wedding.

I hope I don't seriously lose it.

LexieCat

One foot in front of the other, sweetie. I'm glad you ate. You have been doing really well, and no matter what you are afraid your sister will think, we are proud of you.

LexieCat

Oh, and try to get a little sleep. Driving for six hours after getting no sleep and hardly eating can be dangerous!