deeker

Boy, I used to be really angry at this disease. Why me I would say. But being angry about it and feeling sorry for myself kept me stuck..

Why couldn't I overcome this?.........

Why did God make me an alkie and an addict?......

I even had to yell at God and say why me?......

So Why me? How about this?......Why am I so blessed? Why did I find the AA program and SR forum?

Why did God choose to pull me out of the gutter when so many don't find this program?.....

Why is it that just over a yr ago I was in a nursing home paralyzed and today I am in perfect condition....

Why do I still have a beautiful place to live considering I have been unemployable for yrs.....

Why did I get my license back 3 mo ago . after 7 yrs and 3 DUI"S?......

Why do I deserve to be so happy after all I did in the past?.....

Why does my son tell me he loves me on a regular basis considering I left him and hubby when son was 12 yr old for another man.....

Why has my husband stayed with me for 30 yrs even though I left him for a yr...
Why was I so lucky not to have killed someone when I drove drunk all those yrs....

Why do I have an awesome sponsor on first try.....
Why do I have so many people that care for me in AA/NA..

Today I truly am a grateful recovering alkie/addict.....

Some people search their whole lives for what we have found in Alcoholics Anonymous. A new way to live, having a sense of belonging, having a real purpose.......

Today I think even if I was a normal drinker that I would never have found the hope, peace and joy I have found in recovery in AA. and maybe not even God......
God didn't cause this illness but he loved me so much that he used it to get my attention ...

To make me realize my need for him. I believe he is trying to get your attention to if you are new and suffering, but know he does love you....

I believe that whole we try to fill with alcohol, sex, food and stuff was meant to be filled by God. He doesn't want us to put that stuff before him, he wants to fill that whole with an everlasting and unconditional love...

I never would have met all you wonderful people had I not had this illness. I don't think it is a mistake we all met. We were meant to touch eachothers lives to learn and to love and to pass it on.....

So the question is yes why me? Why not? I will accept the fact of my illness and pursue all the blessings in recovery. Cuz there are to many to even mention.Thanks

Impurrfect

((Deeker)) - I went through similar feelings and went from "why me?" to "why NOT me?"

Was just talking to someone, today, about tests I've taken for online jobs. Most are made for high-school kids, and they ask if you have any regrets.

Hmmmmm. At first thought, I would say "oh HECK yeah, I got regrets...wish I hadn't done this, that, etc" but on further thought? Every bad decision led me to here, and I can't think of a better place to be. I'm going on 6 years in recovery and I wouldn't BE here if it weren't for the dumb things I did.

So, I'm pretty sure I raise red flags on those tests because I answer "no" to regrets. If dumb decisions taught me a lesson and led me to great people and a better life? Oh well, the test just doesn't understand us RA's

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

deeker

[QUOTE=Impurrfect;3778844]((Deeker)) - I went through similar feelings and went from "why me?" to "why NOT me?"

Love ur black kitty. We used to have 6 kitties but they are another thing i gave away to my alcoholism. Yah I needed every experience to bring me to where I am today but I do regret the experiences that I brought on to my family . I mean they all love and forgive me but I am sure it was a diificult time I put them through, Ya know?

Impurrfect

((Deeker)) - yeah, I do know. However, I also know that almost 6 years into recovery, my family is like "you mean it's ONLY been 6 years? Feels like it's been longer" which means they haven't been worried SICK about me and that's a good feeling.

My cats are my living amends. I left my previous cats due to my addiction, something i'm not quite sure I will ever forgive myself about (note - that would be a regret...duh). My black kitty is dying...FIV and leukemia, 3+ years and I'm trying to make his last days comfy and loving. Hurts like crazy, but the very fact that I'm here to cuddle with him and make him purr? That's a gift of recovery and I'm grateful for it (through the tears).

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

renaldo

I heard a speaker at a meeting and she said she was so glad she was an alcoholic because there's a way to deal with your issues. A lot of people who aren't alcoholics never get around to dealing with their issues and just stew in them.

I think that if in some future life I do a past life regression and find that in one of my previous lives I was an alcoholic I might think, 'oh, isn't that a shame,' but it needn't be. It can teach you humility and empathy for your fellow humans.

I met a guy at a meeting and he said, "I might not even like you, but I loves you anyway." That's not a typo. That was his way of speaking.

Indeed. Why not me? I'm not impervious to the foibles of being human. That would make me one awfully lonely soul.

Impurrfect

((renaldo)) - I totally get that. I've often heard that instead of asking "why me?", we should wonder "why NOT me?" It makes total sense as some things have no rhyme or reason.

I truly don't thing I'd be the person I am (and a person I LIKE) if it weren't for what I lived through with my addiction and still deal with in codependency but am in recovery for. I have a greater appreciation for things others take for granted.

I work with elderly clients and was talking with one, who has no idea of my past. She had a rough life, nothing to do with addiction, but we both agreed - we wouldn't give up what we learned by living our lives for anything.

I'm one that learns lessons the hard way. Today, I'm just grateful I finally learned some of the darned lessons!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

renaldo

Some people say, "nothing happens by accident," or "everything happens for a reason." I don't buy that. That's putting too much weight on my particular case to think that someone's plotting this all out.

I think it's just the way the chromosomes crumble in some instances (and in other instances it's crummy childhood or bad luck in life experiences along the way). Whatever the case, it's kind of moot. Each of us is eternally at the crossroads with whatever hand we're dealt.

Plenty of folks have been dealt far worse hands than us and didn't let it slow them down.

If you want some inspiration, check this out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K57IcN9DWXo

LDT

God, I needed this post! .... "Why NOT me?" ....... Exactly ......

Thank you.