Dont know what to do
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: new york, new york
Posts: 6
Dont know what to do
Have been with my wife for over 8 years now. When we first met she had told me that she had fully recovered from an addiction to Meth. I had no problems with it since she seemed fine and fully recovered. As time went on we fell in love with each other and I felt as if I truly met my soulmate. She gave me the most beautiful child I could ever have and even though we fought every now and then we still had a great relationship.
About two and a half years ago I had to travel for work, and it was truly the first time we spent apart since we were married. When I returned from my work trip I noticed that she wasnt the same. She was not sleeping during the week but would sleep all weekend. Also the mood changes were getting me worried. This went on for almost a year and it had gotten to a point where we fought all the time for no reason. Then it all blew up on me one night on a new years eve when she had told me that she didnt want to be with me and could not give me a reason why. I found out later that she had started to use Meth again and was trying to kick the habbit. That one week until I found out about the drug use again was killing me. I had blamed everything on myself thinking that I wasnt doing my job as a husband or that she was with somebody else.
When she came clean and told me everything I accepted it and stayed with her. I didnt think throwing away a marraige over something that could be fixed was the right thing to do. She had rehabilitated and it was hard on us since I had no idea how to react to her moods or how to help her.
As time went by things had pretty much gotten back to normal. We were happy again, or so I thought.
There was a change in her again and this one was more nerve wrecking to me than the last time. Her whole lifestyle started changing and what I believe was the most important things in life took a back seat to her social life. It started with going out once a week with her friends to going out almost everynight. We would even fight about her going out so much since it started worrying me that she was going for days without seeing our daughter. Im not the type of man that is controlling since I dont like being controlled. Then once again I find out that she was using Meth again.
**** you Meth!!
Now Im dealing with another recovery which is even harder than the last time because it seems so much harder. I feel abandoned and sometimes useless. I find myself spending nights in bed by myself not being able to sleep. Im losing my motivation to do anything I use to enjoy. I spend the bulk of my day questioning what it is thats going on. Is she having an affair? Is she going to relapse? Does she even care?
This whole thing would be so much easier if I didnt truly love her. I know I dont want to be with out her but am having trouble just being around her. Everytime I see her sending a text or using her tablet it makes me wonder what shes really doing. I have alot a patience in me but dont know how much is left.
Any advice on this drug would really be appreciated......
About two and a half years ago I had to travel for work, and it was truly the first time we spent apart since we were married. When I returned from my work trip I noticed that she wasnt the same. She was not sleeping during the week but would sleep all weekend. Also the mood changes were getting me worried. This went on for almost a year and it had gotten to a point where we fought all the time for no reason. Then it all blew up on me one night on a new years eve when she had told me that she didnt want to be with me and could not give me a reason why. I found out later that she had started to use Meth again and was trying to kick the habbit. That one week until I found out about the drug use again was killing me. I had blamed everything on myself thinking that I wasnt doing my job as a husband or that she was with somebody else.
When she came clean and told me everything I accepted it and stayed with her. I didnt think throwing away a marraige over something that could be fixed was the right thing to do. She had rehabilitated and it was hard on us since I had no idea how to react to her moods or how to help her.
As time went by things had pretty much gotten back to normal. We were happy again, or so I thought.
There was a change in her again and this one was more nerve wrecking to me than the last time. Her whole lifestyle started changing and what I believe was the most important things in life took a back seat to her social life. It started with going out once a week with her friends to going out almost everynight. We would even fight about her going out so much since it started worrying me that she was going for days without seeing our daughter. Im not the type of man that is controlling since I dont like being controlled. Then once again I find out that she was using Meth again.
**** you Meth!!
Now Im dealing with another recovery which is even harder than the last time because it seems so much harder. I feel abandoned and sometimes useless. I find myself spending nights in bed by myself not being able to sleep. Im losing my motivation to do anything I use to enjoy. I spend the bulk of my day questioning what it is thats going on. Is she having an affair? Is she going to relapse? Does she even care?
This whole thing would be so much easier if I didnt truly love her. I know I dont want to be with out her but am having trouble just being around her. Everytime I see her sending a text or using her tablet it makes me wonder what shes really doing. I have alot a patience in me but dont know how much is left.
Any advice on this drug would really be appreciated......
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Sorry for all you are dealing with, your wife is lucky to have someone who loves her so much. However, you need to also worry about you and your daughter.
I am posting the link for the friends and family section, you might find some great advice and support there.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I wish you all the best.
I am posting the link for the friends and family section, you might find some great advice and support there.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I wish you all the best.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Welcome and I hope to see you around Family & Friends of Substance Abusers. I'm in recovery, as was my mother. My sister/best friend is still out using.
I miss her. She's currently lost under all the drugs she's abusing, that doesn't make the pain go away.
I miss her. She's currently lost under all the drugs she's abusing, that doesn't make the pain go away.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 11
salsao201
i have a story like yours. my wife is also addicted to meth. we have two small children. My life has been a rollercoaster hell since thanksgiving last year.
i threatened to leave if she didnt go to meetings.(i left for a week then came back) rummaged through her stuff looking and finding drug stuff.(pipes, meth, condoms when we dont use any) one time i new the truth and found myself setting her up to lie to me about it.(which she did). tracked her iphone with "find my iphone". all this in the hopes to find something that i knew the answer to already. i learned how to let God. (see my post "let God..i get it now")
she will recover, continue using, etc. till she is done. PERIOD.
i have been reading alot on the stickies and posts here , go to my nar anon meetings, and read an awsome book called Codependent No More (which i pick back up daily)
i feel that no one thing is what has given me ease, but more a combination of those.
i come home and she leaves to use. it used to be lonely. i know my kids are there but i really wanted her there to share with us and found myself not being there mentally for them. i still do love her but i have learned detachment with love. she knows of my codependent recovery as i have informed her that i will not control, question, or interfere with what ever she has to do. this does not mean i do not feel angry, sad, or other emotions. Dealing with those have become an important part of my recovery. i have also set healthy boundaries letting her know that are childrens safety is paramount.
i know that i will stay with her until i am done. PERIOD. im not living this fantasy that we will be together forever no matter what happens, but i do believe it is one potential possibility. i always believed it was vital to have both parents there together for my children. i now know it is more important to have peace, serenety, and my own thoughts back so i can actually be there for them and not obsessing on her.
having a codie moment is like having to sneeze. it just sneaks up on you sometimes. one thing i do is repeat in my head, me me me i i i me me me i i i, and it helps put myself and needs in the place in my head where she is taking up space.
Thankyou for sharing.
"I am alone, I am not lonely" Robert De Nero in the movie Heat
i have a story like yours. my wife is also addicted to meth. we have two small children. My life has been a rollercoaster hell since thanksgiving last year.
i threatened to leave if she didnt go to meetings.(i left for a week then came back) rummaged through her stuff looking and finding drug stuff.(pipes, meth, condoms when we dont use any) one time i new the truth and found myself setting her up to lie to me about it.(which she did). tracked her iphone with "find my iphone". all this in the hopes to find something that i knew the answer to already. i learned how to let God. (see my post "let God..i get it now")
she will recover, continue using, etc. till she is done. PERIOD.
i have been reading alot on the stickies and posts here , go to my nar anon meetings, and read an awsome book called Codependent No More (which i pick back up daily)
i feel that no one thing is what has given me ease, but more a combination of those.
i come home and she leaves to use. it used to be lonely. i know my kids are there but i really wanted her there to share with us and found myself not being there mentally for them. i still do love her but i have learned detachment with love. she knows of my codependent recovery as i have informed her that i will not control, question, or interfere with what ever she has to do. this does not mean i do not feel angry, sad, or other emotions. Dealing with those have become an important part of my recovery. i have also set healthy boundaries letting her know that are childrens safety is paramount.
i know that i will stay with her until i am done. PERIOD. im not living this fantasy that we will be together forever no matter what happens, but i do believe it is one potential possibility. i always believed it was vital to have both parents there together for my children. i now know it is more important to have peace, serenety, and my own thoughts back so i can actually be there for them and not obsessing on her.
having a codie moment is like having to sneeze. it just sneaks up on you sometimes. one thing i do is repeat in my head, me me me i i i me me me i i i, and it helps put myself and needs in the place in my head where she is taking up space.
Thankyou for sharing.
"I am alone, I am not lonely" Robert De Nero in the movie Heat
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: new york, new york
Posts: 6
contra,
thank you so much for that. Most of the things you wrote hit it right on point. I think if I were to get some honesty it would make things a lot easier. It's like one moment all she talks about is getting better then the next moment she disapears. Shes going on 2 months sober and going to her meetings 4 times a week so I guess I either need to try to make some time to get to a meeting or just realize that it's game over..
thank you so much for that. Most of the things you wrote hit it right on point. I think if I were to get some honesty it would make things a lot easier. It's like one moment all she talks about is getting better then the next moment she disapears. Shes going on 2 months sober and going to her meetings 4 times a week so I guess I either need to try to make some time to get to a meeting or just realize that it's game over..
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