babyblue2013

so,am in need of a little support and dont really know which way to turn or where to start,so thought i would give this a shot.
i am on day 2 of sobriety,feel like absoluts crap from my 4 day binge starting boxing day but am so so sick of it.
i am 35 and have been a 'sociable drinker' for years,but have always got into situations that werent healthy and never particularly enjoyed it and suffered the fear quite badly as a consequence.
the last two years however i have become a mess,drinking a bottle of wine a night,but any other night for any lame reasons getting completely wankered,then going into self destruct mode,then hating myself and feeling so ill i got up and drank the next day...this has gone from a one day binge,now creeping up to four.
i fell like ****,i look like **** and have pushed most people away,but i havent lost it all,i have a beautiful house and most importantly daughter,who i know am borderline losing,i am **** scared as i have not lost everything yet,but am VERY close to doing so if i dont sort my **** out,i am better than this and desperately want to be normal and happy...
how the hell do i stay sober?i want to get antabuse and know wouldnt drink with it but i am definately not going to notify doctors etc,i dont feel i want to go there.
i am on day two,feel like crap,but that is to be expected,i just dont know what to do with myself?
when all i know i 6pm is wine time,i feel lost and scared,its time to change as feel like im on my last chance but really dont know how to?or how to keep myself occupied and stick to it,i can see it today,but next week?the week after?
i have realised i can NEVER control drink it controls me,i really need advice on how the hell to start life again?!

2granddaughters

I found lasting sobriety and serenity in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I wish you the best.

Bob R (near London, ON)

Boxguy

You have made the right start by posting on here and you have done the right thing by taking the first steps.
I agree that an AA meeting would be beneficial. If you call the AA hotline they will be able to put you in contact with someone in your area. Call as I think it will help you. Please sty off the drink.

Hevyn

Welcome babyblue. We're happy you found us - this is an amazing place filled with hope. We all understand how you feel - we've been on the same journey.

You should feel better the more sober days you get through - the beginning is rough going. I drank into my 50's, & it took me ages to admit what you're admitting now. I can't touch it. There's no predicting what might happen & there is no control. All the willpower I could summon up did nothing to save me from getting wasted. I'm glad you're here to reclaim your life and have a new beginning. You can do this. Keep reading and posting.

mytime66

You have taken the first step by admitting you can not control your intake of alcohol or how you act when drinking. That is a huge step. Good for you. You made a remark about wine time at 6. How about a walk with your daughter instead or some yard work. Time management was a huge thing for me. Also if you look locally for a number for AA you would certainly be shocked at how well received you'd be. Of course if you stay in here (SR) and read the posts and use it to fill in the rocky times it will also help. I made my mind up back in march (9 short months ago) to quite. I called a friend that had stopped a couple years prior and asked for help. He came an kindly stayed and talked for hours. Just knowing your not alone with this is huge. Trust me and all the rest of us here. YOUR NOT alone. Be strong and stick to it. You have a lot to lose yet. Don't lose it.

micealc

I feel for you Babyblue ....Its a daunting Thought....No more Booze....But you have got to stay away one Day at a time.AA....is Suggested...Get to a Meeting...It may Safe your Family,even your Life....Im planning Giving up Cigs Tomorrow...Its going to be as easy as I make it myself...Ill Ask God to Help me with the Cravings...After they go it will be only Longings.I have got to do it I have so much to Gain...I love dancing,I have a Family...My Legs Hurt...My Head Hurts..This will Ease Im Sure...Good Luck to u.

Anna

6pm was wine time for me too and it was really hard to get past that. I started going out and walking a lot. I was surprised by the benefits and it's something I continued to do. Change your routines, make a plan for the difficult times of day, and know for sure you can do this.

foodie1

Welcome to SR babyblue, you'll find lots of wisdom and support here!

SIPD

Welcome BabyBlue....there are many just like you....I to am only sober now about 4 days....this is tough....this is a battle....but im here, reading...learning...at least trying...I wish you well on this journey....