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What's The Point?

Old 12-30-2012, 05:44 PM
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What's The Point?

At least, that's how I feel today... and how I have felt for the last few weeks. Profound depression and today a powerful urge to drink. Have been reading the forum and nothing really seems to be helping this time. I am scared. I do not want to live like I have been living but THIS monster of reality is a hard pill to swallow.

It is Day 27... 30 days is my goal. 30 days and then we'll see.

Alone for a week in the house has been horrifying.

I wish I had a friend.

Ugh.
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Old 12-30-2012, 05:46 PM
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It may not be the same, but there's thousands of friends here LSNP.

I think it's easy to get cabin fever and go a bit mad - can you get out and go to a movie or something?

D
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Old 12-30-2012, 05:56 PM
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A lot of people seem to struggle around the milestones (30, 60, 90 days). I wouldn't have believed it, but it felt that way to me, too. Right after the holidays is always a down-time, too, I think.

Check your HALT meter (hungry, angry, lonely, tired), and remember there's always help for depression if you find things don't improve.:ghug3 I hope you feel better in the next day or two......
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Old 12-30-2012, 06:06 PM
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Thanks to you both for responding. Am feeling a little desperate today. Fighting tears and just absolute black. Thought I would get a lot done this week - holiday time off - but I can't seem to do anything at all.

I hope it is a 30/60/90 thing. I will not be able to tolerate sobriety if this is how it is going to continue to feel. I do need to get out, Dee, and should probably force it tomorrow. I really just want to sleep but cannot do that, either.

Therapy begins in January. I so hope it helps.
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Old 12-30-2012, 06:10 PM
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I just sent you a friend request. As Dee said it may not be the same as an in person friend but we seem to be feeling very similar and I hope you stick around here and stay sober because I would like to sontinue this rough road with people like you who understand and who are where I am at emotionally.
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Old 12-30-2012, 06:28 PM
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In addition, I think I may give a go at some therapy but I am really reluctant because I don't know if I trust it. I would love if you will share your experience with it after you begin - if you feel comfortable doing so. Since I do think we are sort of parallel right now in how we are feeling.
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Old 12-30-2012, 06:29 PM
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I will not be able to tolerate sobriety if this is how it is going to continue to feel.
It's not how you'll continue to feel, trust me.
I hope getting out helps, and the counsellor of course

seeing as you're near 30 days, maybe this link might help too?
PAWS « Digital Dharma

D
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Old 12-30-2012, 06:53 PM
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LSNP,

I know those feelings very well.

Please don't give up.

You are among friends.
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Old 12-30-2012, 07:28 PM
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Hey LSNP,

Man, I totally hear you. I've been abstinent for just over 10 months now and still some days I feel like ****, if this is recovery I DON'T WANT IT.

I just got back from a meeting where the topic was "a daily reprive". I realized that each and every day is different, some easy some hard. Some make me question if this way of life is worth it. But that is NORMAL, especially in the early days. This is LIFE. Some days are good and some days suck. As somebody on these boards pointed out to me earlier today, that is what being a grown up is all about. And the skills to deal with and accept each day for what it is will come with practice.

Just DONT DRINK or you intercept the whole process. Alcohol wasn't the issue - sober living IS the problem! if we could all live sober and in peace, we wouldn't drink.

Hang in there.

JS
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Old 12-30-2012, 07:45 PM
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I used to feel like that when I set a specific time for sobriety. What happens after 30 days then what? Why not just focus staying sober for today? You keep doing that, you will be way past 30 on to a new a happy life.
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Old 12-30-2012, 07:46 PM
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You do have a friend. We are here.
The new global friendship.
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Old 12-31-2012, 08:34 AM
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I accepted it, T. Thank you very much.

I did not drink yesterday.
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Old 12-31-2012, 08:40 AM
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@T: I don't trust therapy, either. In fact, I have had some pretty awful experiences. However, as I believe I am suffering from C-PTSD, I now believe it is necessary and no longer an option. I have committed to 10 weeks already.... appointments are made. If I feel no better after this time period............... well. I don't know, I guess.

All I know right now is that what I have been doing is not working. I do not believe alcohol is the biggest evil, here, I believe it is a symptom of a much larger problem. Quitting is fine, quitting is necessary, but it alone is not going to change my life.

I am not a New Year's Resolution maker. However, this year I am going to do everything I can to make sure that at this time NEXT year, I am not filled with as many regrets as I have now. I am tired of the years just passing by with no real change.

Sorry. Am rambling a bit. My words aren't coming with as much clarity as I would like. Hope you understand what I am trying to say.
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Old 12-31-2012, 08:42 AM
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Candle?

Originally Posted by RevivingOphelia View Post
LSNP,

I know those feelings very well.

Please don't give up.

You are among friends.
I tried to thank you for this but noticed only a candle. What's that?
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Old 12-31-2012, 08:47 AM
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30 days was only a goal... to see if I felt significantly better after this period of time. The thing is? I don't, really. Not like I did the last time I committed to this. I felt STRONG last time. Like SUPERMAN! Circumstances have changed, though, and I understand now that the last time was directly related to my desire to prepare for a battle I was engaged in.... and now it is related to simply Life and Living. There is no end in sight and I can't say, "Well, there! THAT'S done!" Adjusting to "Living" like this as opposed to "Living Like This Until It's Over" are two totally different concepts and I am finding it difficult to cope.

I need to tackle the core issues. That is going to be extraordinarily difficult, especially when I will no longer allow myself to numb those god-awful things we call "feelings."
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Old 12-31-2012, 09:33 AM
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[QUOTE=LSNP;3744066 I have committed to 10 weeks already.... appointments are made. If I feel no better after this time period............... well. I don't know, I guess.

All I know right now is that what I have been doing is not working. I do not believe alcohol is the biggest evil, here, I believe it is a symptom of a much larger problem. Quitting is fine, quitting is necessary, but it alone is not going to change my life.[/QUOTE]

I completely relate to this. My alcohol use is definitley the result of some deeper issue and I am almost at the point you are where I know I need to do something additional to make real changes. I know exactly what you are saying!

OH - I wish so much for you that the counseling will help you!!!
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Old 12-31-2012, 10:12 AM
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Do you have a meeting nearby you can go to... A lot of AA groups have special holiday schedules... like one an hour through NYE and New Years Day...

You never have to be alone.
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Old 12-31-2012, 10:16 AM
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Some can tough it out like this and I admire them for it, I never could stand feeling like reality was closing in and I was going nuts for too many days.

Hang in there.
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Old 12-31-2012, 10:20 AM
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Make sure you look at the PAWS stuff. It happens to a lot of people. You need to remember that your brain is healing which is a good thing. Think of these feelings as healing feelings. It helped me a ton. It does get much better. One day or even one hour at a time.
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Old 12-31-2012, 10:29 AM
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Hi LSNP,

I am sorry you are feeling down, I hope you are feeling a little better today. The good news is things so start to get better.

I have never been a big fan of therapy either, I am so used to be the problem solver at work and at home, it was hard to accept that I needed help dealing with my own problems, it was the best thing I have ever done. Just having someone listen, and validate my feelings was helpful. Also, having her ask my plan for continuing to remain sober, I shared SR with her, and she said she now shares it with other patients/clients (not sure what we are )

Like many others have said you have lots of friends on here, hang in there and keep posting and reading!!!
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