What's The Point?
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Join Date: Sep 2010
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What's The Point?
At least, that's how I feel today... and how I have felt for the last few weeks. Profound depression and today a powerful urge to drink. Have been reading the forum and nothing really seems to be helping this time. I am scared. I do not want to live like I have been living but THIS monster of reality is a hard pill to swallow.
It is Day 27... 30 days is my goal. 30 days and then we'll see.
Alone for a week in the house has been horrifying.
I wish I had a friend.
Ugh.
It is Day 27... 30 days is my goal. 30 days and then we'll see.
Alone for a week in the house has been horrifying.
I wish I had a friend.
Ugh.
A lot of people seem to struggle around the milestones (30, 60, 90 days). I wouldn't have believed it, but it felt that way to me, too. Right after the holidays is always a down-time, too, I think.
Check your HALT meter (hungry, angry, lonely, tired), and remember there's always help for depression if you find things don't improve.:ghug3 I hope you feel better in the next day or two......
Check your HALT meter (hungry, angry, lonely, tired), and remember there's always help for depression if you find things don't improve.:ghug3 I hope you feel better in the next day or two......
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 184
Thanks to you both for responding. Am feeling a little desperate today. Fighting tears and just absolute black. Thought I would get a lot done this week - holiday time off - but I can't seem to do anything at all.
I hope it is a 30/60/90 thing. I will not be able to tolerate sobriety if this is how it is going to continue to feel. I do need to get out, Dee, and should probably force it tomorrow. I really just want to sleep but cannot do that, either.
Therapy begins in January. I so hope it helps.
I hope it is a 30/60/90 thing. I will not be able to tolerate sobriety if this is how it is going to continue to feel. I do need to get out, Dee, and should probably force it tomorrow. I really just want to sleep but cannot do that, either.
Therapy begins in January. I so hope it helps.
I just sent you a friend request. As Dee said it may not be the same as an in person friend but we seem to be feeling very similar and I hope you stick around here and stay sober because I would like to sontinue this rough road with people like you who understand and who are where I am at emotionally.
In addition, I think I may give a go at some therapy but I am really reluctant because I don't know if I trust it. I would love if you will share your experience with it after you begin - if you feel comfortable doing so. Since I do think we are sort of parallel right now in how we are feeling.
I will not be able to tolerate sobriety if this is how it is going to continue to feel.
I hope getting out helps, and the counsellor of course
seeing as you're near 30 days, maybe this link might help too?
PAWS « Digital Dharma
D
Hey LSNP,
Man, I totally hear you. I've been abstinent for just over 10 months now and still some days I feel like ****, if this is recovery I DON'T WANT IT.
I just got back from a meeting where the topic was "a daily reprive". I realized that each and every day is different, some easy some hard. Some make me question if this way of life is worth it. But that is NORMAL, especially in the early days. This is LIFE. Some days are good and some days suck. As somebody on these boards pointed out to me earlier today, that is what being a grown up is all about. And the skills to deal with and accept each day for what it is will come with practice.
Just DONT DRINK or you intercept the whole process. Alcohol wasn't the issue - sober living IS the problem! if we could all live sober and in peace, we wouldn't drink.
Hang in there.
JS
Man, I totally hear you. I've been abstinent for just over 10 months now and still some days I feel like ****, if this is recovery I DON'T WANT IT.
I just got back from a meeting where the topic was "a daily reprive". I realized that each and every day is different, some easy some hard. Some make me question if this way of life is worth it. But that is NORMAL, especially in the early days. This is LIFE. Some days are good and some days suck. As somebody on these boards pointed out to me earlier today, that is what being a grown up is all about. And the skills to deal with and accept each day for what it is will come with practice.
Just DONT DRINK or you intercept the whole process. Alcohol wasn't the issue - sober living IS the problem! if we could all live sober and in peace, we wouldn't drink.
Hang in there.
JS
I used to feel like that when I set a specific time for sobriety. What happens after 30 days then what? Why not just focus staying sober for today? You keep doing that, you will be way past 30 on to a new a happy life.
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@T: I don't trust therapy, either. In fact, I have had some pretty awful experiences. However, as I believe I am suffering from C-PTSD, I now believe it is necessary and no longer an option. I have committed to 10 weeks already.... appointments are made. If I feel no better after this time period............... well. I don't know, I guess.
All I know right now is that what I have been doing is not working. I do not believe alcohol is the biggest evil, here, I believe it is a symptom of a much larger problem. Quitting is fine, quitting is necessary, but it alone is not going to change my life.
I am not a New Year's Resolution maker. However, this year I am going to do everything I can to make sure that at this time NEXT year, I am not filled with as many regrets as I have now. I am tired of the years just passing by with no real change.
Sorry. Am rambling a bit. My words aren't coming with as much clarity as I would like. Hope you understand what I am trying to say.
All I know right now is that what I have been doing is not working. I do not believe alcohol is the biggest evil, here, I believe it is a symptom of a much larger problem. Quitting is fine, quitting is necessary, but it alone is not going to change my life.
I am not a New Year's Resolution maker. However, this year I am going to do everything I can to make sure that at this time NEXT year, I am not filled with as many regrets as I have now. I am tired of the years just passing by with no real change.
Sorry. Am rambling a bit. My words aren't coming with as much clarity as I would like. Hope you understand what I am trying to say.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 184
30 days was only a goal... to see if I felt significantly better after this period of time. The thing is? I don't, really. Not like I did the last time I committed to this. I felt STRONG last time. Like SUPERMAN! Circumstances have changed, though, and I understand now that the last time was directly related to my desire to prepare for a battle I was engaged in.... and now it is related to simply Life and Living. There is no end in sight and I can't say, "Well, there! THAT'S done!" Adjusting to "Living" like this as opposed to "Living Like This Until It's Over" are two totally different concepts and I am finding it difficult to cope.
I need to tackle the core issues. That is going to be extraordinarily difficult, especially when I will no longer allow myself to numb those god-awful things we call "feelings."
I need to tackle the core issues. That is going to be extraordinarily difficult, especially when I will no longer allow myself to numb those god-awful things we call "feelings."
[QUOTE=LSNP;3744066 I have committed to 10 weeks already.... appointments are made. If I feel no better after this time period............... well. I don't know, I guess.
All I know right now is that what I have been doing is not working. I do not believe alcohol is the biggest evil, here, I believe it is a symptom of a much larger problem. Quitting is fine, quitting is necessary, but it alone is not going to change my life.[/QUOTE]
I completely relate to this. My alcohol use is definitley the result of some deeper issue and I am almost at the point you are where I know I need to do something additional to make real changes. I know exactly what you are saying!
OH - I wish so much for you that the counseling will help you!!!
All I know right now is that what I have been doing is not working. I do not believe alcohol is the biggest evil, here, I believe it is a symptom of a much larger problem. Quitting is fine, quitting is necessary, but it alone is not going to change my life.[/QUOTE]
I completely relate to this. My alcohol use is definitley the result of some deeper issue and I am almost at the point you are where I know I need to do something additional to make real changes. I know exactly what you are saying!
OH - I wish so much for you that the counseling will help you!!!
Make sure you look at the PAWS stuff. It happens to a lot of people. You need to remember that your brain is healing which is a good thing. Think of these feelings as healing feelings. It helped me a ton. It does get much better. One day or even one hour at a time.
Hi LSNP,
I am sorry you are feeling down, I hope you are feeling a little better today. The good news is things so start to get better.
I have never been a big fan of therapy either, I am so used to be the problem solver at work and at home, it was hard to accept that I needed help dealing with my own problems, it was the best thing I have ever done. Just having someone listen, and validate my feelings was helpful. Also, having her ask my plan for continuing to remain sober, I shared SR with her, and she said she now shares it with other patients/clients (not sure what we are )
Like many others have said you have lots of friends on here, hang in there and keep posting and reading!!!
I am sorry you are feeling down, I hope you are feeling a little better today. The good news is things so start to get better.
I have never been a big fan of therapy either, I am so used to be the problem solver at work and at home, it was hard to accept that I needed help dealing with my own problems, it was the best thing I have ever done. Just having someone listen, and validate my feelings was helpful. Also, having her ask my plan for continuing to remain sober, I shared SR with her, and she said she now shares it with other patients/clients (not sure what we are )
Like many others have said you have lots of friends on here, hang in there and keep posting and reading!!!
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