failure once again.

[ted]

im sitting here after 3 days of drinking,wishing for an end.i cant go on like this anymore.ive got problems ,i dont have a clue.im wondering what the outcome is going to be.death seems like a welcome friend,no more maddness.thank you all for being my friend,very desperate.t.blue,double d,63,trish......all you all,stay strong im ill ted :sink

[Gabe]

Hey Ted,
How about a beginning instead of an end?
I think the fact that you came here and posted indicates that you still believe in yourself.
Please keep the faith and believe in the possibility of a better life.
Light and good thoughts from me to you.
Peace,
Gabe

[Ann]

Ted

You have done a good thing to reach out for help, here. Right now you are coming off 3 days of drinking and feel like anyone coming off 3 days of drinking feels. You don't have to stay like that, and you don't have to get sicker. Call AA and talk to someone who has been where you are tonight. Or call a cab and go to Detox and they can help you come down and feel better.

We care and are here for you if you want to keep talking, but keep reaching out and I promise you that there will be a hand to help you up.

Hugs
Ann

[True Blue]

Ted my Friend

Gabe has said it best. A beginning instead of an end. Ted you are a very strong man. Put your faith in your HP he never fails us. Just have faith. I love you Ted.
I am also sending you good thoughts & prayers.
STAY STRONG.
Tonight I am very thankful for my friend Ted. I will be waiting for you post in our thread. Love you

[Chy]

Ted, I know how distressing this is to you. I know you feel terrible. But remember us alcholics have no willpower over our disease. You can find the strength and determination to beat this. I know it's hard, damn hard, but you've made a lot of progress just coming here, where you have made friends who care about you.

Don't give up on yourself, I won't. *hugs*

[Dan]

Ted,
First of all, failure is not a word to be used at this moment. You had a relapse, plain and simple. Been a lot of that going on the last little while. So you're not unique. You're not alone. You felt, for some reason only known to you, like beating yourself up one more time. Different result? Doesn't sound like it man. O.k then. Now that we understand what happened, what's the next step? You know all too well Ted. Three days is a good run but we've had longer eh! So start tonight. Chuck it if you have any left. Haul ass to a meeting if you can. If you haven't eaten, get something in your stomach. If you can sleep, bonus. If you can't, try to think that you've been there before when you start wanting to scratch the inside of your skin. Accept the shakes and the sweat as part of getting better. Withdrawal is a bear, but we're old hands at it. If you feel like you need medical attention, pick up the phone. Phone book, crisis centre, police, anything. If it gets that bad Ted, get help. We don't have to die from this f****** disease anymore Ted. I knew something was up when you didn't answer my pm. If you're really desperate Ted, pick up the phone. I'm gonna get True Blue's sky pilot on you man. Sit tight.
DD

[ted]

sitting here ,tears abound.i dont even know you all, but your the best friends ever. im not drinking,just trying to maintain my sanity right now.nothing in my life ever came easy,sobriety ...god please help me. thank you all ted ive got to quit the pity party.

[Gabe]

Ted,
I'm so glad you checked back in.
God will help you, have faith in that.
And always remember to lean on your friends when you need them.
That's what we're here for.
When you're done with the pity party, try celebrating yourself.
It's a much better party.
More light and good thoughts coming your way.
Peace,
Gabe

[True Blue]

Ted I am not going to bed until you post on our thread. Just look for that 1 little thing to be thankful for. I am glad that we share the same HP. I love you Ted.

[Dan]

Ted,
I just want to thank you for coming back. Nothing worth having is ever easy to get brother. I'm looking at the thread and I marvel at how fast we all came together to be here with you. That's got to tell you something Ted. The silent spiritual bond we all share is large tonight. Big time...
DD

[Gabe]

Dan,
I just love the collective soul of this forum.
It is my daily reminder of miracles.
Peace,
Gabe

[ted]

I FEEL LIKE SLEEPING,THANK YOU ALL.TALK TO YOU ALL IN THE AM.YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST! ted IF I CANT SLEEP,ILL BE BACK. :wife THATS ANOTHER STORY!

[Novemberphoenix]

Ted,

I'm on day 1. Had a slip, but I also am learning from it. Don't get too caught up in labeling this a failure. I found that for me it was a big wake up call. Was still playing head games with myself and it was really hard to come clean about it, but like for you alot of really good people showed up and gave me the love and support that I needed; there is no judgment here and that's a beautiful thing. Keep reaching out that's what we are here for. I'll be praying for you Ted, you are not alone!

Much love


Novemberphoenix

[rudeboy]

hang in there Ted....
stay strong.
evan

[mnj1024]

my hopes are with you ted, you can do this.

mike

[Alice Wonder]

(((((((((TED))))))))))) big hug. you can do this. just start adding some more sober days to the ones you have already. you have been an inspiration. keep going and take care of yourself okay? love- alice

[ted]

thank you all for caring,i dont know what this day will bring.i feel like i was rode hard and put away wet.sick this morning,shakes bad,looking for somewhere to go.looks like my girlfreinds had enough,did i say girlfreind?i meant to say my hostage of three years.you know the story. ted

[Dan]

Easy does it Ted. You know what to do. The next few days are going to be a bitch. Eat, go for a walk, catch a meeting later. Your skin will stop crawling soon brother.
DD

[Little Missy]

Ted

i feel like i was rode hard and put away wet
That's the exact comment I made on Monday! Take it easy, the next day was much better!
Hugs,
Missy

[Gooch]

theres an easier softer way available Ted. Tere may be some nerve racking days but thats what we're here for.

I get up every day and only worry about day 1 ..today thats all that we really need to worry about. When I came around thats what they told me.. if I wanted to I could stay straight today.

Wanna join me?

[ted]

:band good morning buddy.just trying to figure things out.thanks for your freindship,it really means alot to me.stay strong double d

[amandaleepiscea]

Hi Ted... I've been reading here what you are going through. And all the encouragement you are receiving. I am here too! I remember when I first started trying to get clean and everybody kept saying to take things a day at a time and for me that (at first) did nothing but **** me right off. I could not fathom, let alone identify with the concept... either specifically to me, OR in general. It felt to me like that was all fine and dandy for those of you out there who do not have responsibilities... but ME - NO WAY. Well, I had a spiritual awakening around that troublesome little spot... let me just insert here for you that my spiritual awakenings have pretty much always been things that I experience in "retrospect" - no big parting of the clouds... not any angels singing from above... none of that. I always find myself looking back and realizing that somewhere before this very point in time I came to a new awareness and I am only just "now" really recognizing it happened. It used to upset me because I felt like I was missing out on some big awakening experience, but now I realize that this is just who I am. This is how my process runs its course. So...

One day I was sharing in a meeting and I realized during that beautiful hour and a half that I could now say that "Just for Today" DOES apply to me. I realized that when people tell me to take things in my life this way they are NOT telling me that there is no planning for the future... they are not telling me that I can't think ahead. What I am being gently reminded of is that I need not be so hard on myself that I set myself up for disappointment and failure at every turn. If I can learn to just look at THIS day... REALISTICALLY assess what it is that I can have a hope of accomplishing for myself that will help me in my recovery and get me through another 24 hours and then just WORK on whatever that is... well, then I am a LOT less likely to be overwhelmed with what the day holds for me.

I have a sponsee who is feeling like she may CRACK from the pain she is in... her stress is very dangerous to her recovery. My suggestion to her was to make ONE phone call to another recovering addict (a specific one) who had some experience stregth and hope to share in the particular area of her pain. If she was able to lay her head down that night saying she had done that... then her day had been a success... of course that took some pressure away and she was able to realistically take on the following hours that remained in that day.

Your pain is specific, but it is pain that anyone in recovery can identify with. This means that you have almost limitless resources available to you to make this day a success! We are online... we are in meetings... we are on Help-Lines... So many of us have been there where you are and have experience we can use to identify with you. YO DON'T HAVE TO USE EVER AGAIN. You will get through this. I admire your admission that your girlfriend was your "hostage" - but I would also like to suggest that you have been a hostage too. A hostage to your addiction. And your girlfriend can reach out and get help too... Hostage or not, you cannot accept into your lap the responsiblity for other people's actions and choices. You have ENOUGH to deal with just keeping yourself clean for another day... another hour. You don't own her choices... you don't even have the right to try to own them. They are hers not yours. I find powerlessness a relief today. I am powerless over my addiction... just as I am powerless over ANYTHING other than my OWN behavior. Once I get that through my head (and it is a repeated reminder I need of this one!) I find myself so relieved... the wieght of the burdens I carry is far lighter because I am ONLY carrying my own!

I hope you keep reaching out and I hope you stay clean today. You are loved and cared for... beleive that. I will add my prayers to all the others you have been receiving.........

amandalee

[ted]

I NEEDED TO HEAR WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT BEING A HOSTAGE.CONTROL??? I DON'T BELEIVE I'VE EVER HAD THAT,BUT I'VE TRIED ENDLESSLY TO CONTROL EVERYTHING,REALLY EVERYTHING!THANK YOU FOR YOUR WISE IMPUT AMANDALEE. ONE MINUTE AT A TIME RIGHT NOW. ted :japanese2

[True Blue]

Hello Ted

Just wanted to say I love you. Have Faith & Hope. STAY STRONG!

[ted]

JANET,YOU NEVER CEASE IN MAKING ME FEEL LOVED AND WANTED. JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW YOUR VERY SPECIAL TO ME. STAY STRONG MY FRIEND.