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Old 11-14-2012, 02:28 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Red face Abstain or is it possible to moderate

Hi all, I am here as I generally binge drink every weekend! I'm not dependant on alcohol however once I have a couple of drinks I lose control and don't know when to stop. It's causing me lots of problems, as I black out every time. My drinking is upsetting friends and family as Its not unusual for me to ruin events by my ott drinking. The thing is when I tell people that I think I need to stop drinking they tell me that I'm fine and I just need to learn how to control. They don't seem to understand once I have more than say 2 I just think sod it lets have fun, you only live once.The other day I was invited out and I thought I don't want to be an idiot and get wasted so I tried to be aware of how much I was drinking the next thing I know I wake up, no idea how I got there and no recollection of the night before! Apparently I had fell asleep whilst I was out then threw up everywhere. I don't know what to do! Do I need to abstain from alcohol completely or is there a way I can control it ?
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Old 11-14-2012, 02:30 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I think you answered your own question.
You've tried to control it, and can't.

Same with me.
But I tried and tried and tried for years before I figured that out.

Good luck to you!
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Old 11-14-2012, 02:31 PM   #3 (permalink)
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The other day I was invited out and I thought I don't want to be an idiot and get wasted so I tried to be aware of how much I was drinking the next thing I know I wake up, no idea how I got there and no recollection of the night before! Apparently I had fell asleep whilst I was out then threw up everywhere.

Sounds like you tried to control it the other day. Did it work? Moderation, or controlling our drinking is not possible. A normal drinker doesn't have to try to control their drinking, they just do it naturally.

Welcome to SR. We are here to support you if you decide you want to stop drinking.
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Old 11-14-2012, 02:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
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It seems that you have tried to control it and you can't. A lot of people can't as well. No biggie really. Why don't you stop for a while and see how things go. I bet you won't find yourself falling asleep and throwing up everywhere!

I think your friends are just trying to be helpful, but they drink normally. People like us don't.


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Old 11-14-2012, 02:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Hiya BingeGirl

I tried to moderate for 18 months and failed. Each binge getting worse. I chose to go to AA and seek help. I am on 20 days and feel much less tortured when I go out.

Only you can decide but for me, I tried and failed at control. I am powerless over alcohol!

Why don't you try 60-90 days of drinking nothing and see how you feel?

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Old 11-14-2012, 02:36 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Someone here said something the other day that really struck a chord with me..

"I've never woken up as a sober person and thought to myself, 'Dang! I wish I would have gone out drinking last night.'"

Just thought I'd add that.
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Old 11-14-2012, 02:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Read your own post again and see if the answer is in there...
Good luck.
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Old 11-14-2012, 02:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I used to be a binge drinker, I didn't drink on the days I was working, but oh how I made up for it on the days I wasn't. I've tried moderating, only drinking at week ends, not having a drink until 21.00, doesn't work, unlike 'normal drinkers' I don't have a stop button. Once I start there is no such thing as 'no thank you, I've had enough.' Abstinence is the only thing that works for me and my life is a whole lot better for it!

Give it a go, you're worth it!
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Old 11-14-2012, 02:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bingegirl View Post
My drinking is upsetting friends and family as Its not unusual for me to ruin events by my ott drinking. The thing is when I tell people that I think I need to stop drinking they tell me that I'm fine and I just need to learn how to control.
I love this response from people. When I finally told my mum I was an alcoholic she said 'I don't understand, isn't it just a matter of drinking less?'. 'Drinking less' was the one thing I knew I couldn't do. I had tried for years. You know what is best for you. Whenever I get it into my head that I could have a few I remind myself that I have never done it in the past so why would now be any different, and truthfully I can't see the point of having a couple of drinks. I drank to get drunk, took me a long time to admit that but it's true.
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Old 11-14-2012, 02:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi Bingegirl

Like others have said, I think you already know the answer to your question...?

some of us just can't control it - no matter how good our intentions are, once we introduce alcohol into our system all bets are off....we change.

I'm sure your friends are well meaning but unless you've experienced that reaction for yourself I don't think you can't really understand what it means not to have control.

There are many many of us here enjoying great lives without alcohol
It's meant a lot of changes for me from the way I used to live, but it's been worth it

welcome to SR

D
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Old 11-14-2012, 03:59 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Welcome BingeGirl!
I was a weekend binger for a yr or two. But I thought I really like drinking so I began every other day. I built a tolerance for it so I had to increase the amounts to get the same effect.
I was proud of how as a small woman, i could out drink men 3x's my size (pitiful, in retrospect)
Then I would binge one day, recoup the entire next day. Rinse & repeat for another year.
Then I began drinking daily b/c it eased my hangover & it helped with the horrible shakes & anxiety I was developing. Then I was sneaking it, hiding how much I was drinking from everyone. Rinse & repeat for yrs.

Alcohol dependence develops progressively. It doesn't seem to be reversible for most people.
I hope you can figure it all out before it takes you over like it did me.
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Old 11-14-2012, 04:08 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Bingegirl I'm 2 years, 4 months sober, and it's either drink all the time or not at all. Since every person who drinks isn't an alcoholic yes it can be controlled. Possibly you could set a time period in which you would only drink a certain amount and determine whether you can control it or not.
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Old 11-14-2012, 04:09 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome bingedrinker.

I also tried to control my drinking for years and years but instead on controlling it *drinking* it controlled me.

Thankfully due to the help and support of SR and AA I'm now sober and content.

Best wishes with your decision. Take care. Hope to hear more from you soon.
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Old 11-14-2012, 04:18 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome. I cannot add much to what has already been said but as someone here said once:

Quote:
If moderation was an option we'd have a Moderation forum here, full of moderation success stories.
I agree. People without a drinking problem would never google for, and therefore never find, SR.com like me, you and hundreds of others have. The fact that you found this place means you most likely have a problem.

There is great support here. Keep posting.
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Old 11-14-2012, 04:21 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Hey BingeGirl I think your name gives it away. NO matter your in a great place
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Old 11-14-2012, 05:11 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Do I need to abstain from alcohol completely or is there a way I can control it ?

Do you think you can control your drinking? I tried moderating a lot - never worked. I gave it up completely and am happier than I've been in a long time.
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Old 11-14-2012, 05:11 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Hey Bingegirl
like you I only drank on weekends and went through multiple stages of thinking I could control my drinking, the last time I drank I had promised myself that exact same thing - I'm not going to get hammered this weekend, but I went out and did it anyway. I realised that it just is not possible for me to control my drinking and believe me I tried MANY times to control it and people said the same thing to me - oh your fine don't worry. but I did worry because it bothered me that I was the token drunk girl, I didn't respect myself and what for? Just to get drunk and have "fun" because fun is clearly not remembering anything and waking up feeling sick and embarrassed for the next couple days!

I haven't had a drink for nearly 15 weeks and some days it's definitely challenging but I promise you it is far more rewarding than getting sh!tfaced every weekend, just try it out for 3-6 months and see how you feel. what have you got to lose?

Good luck
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Old 11-14-2012, 05:20 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Bingegirl - Purplecatlover and I are 10 months sober today. Our lives parallelled each other in many ways as drunks, and they now shine brightly in the world of sobriety. It is so wonderful waking up unhung and ready for the day and all it holds being 100% in the moment. Sobriety = shamelessness. I hope you will join us all on this amazing journey! Hugs, NBC
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Old 11-14-2012, 06:09 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I'm not dependant on alcohol however once I have a couple of drinks I lose control and don't know when to stop.
Think about this sentence...
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Old 11-15-2012, 02:44 AM   #20 (permalink)
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If it only takes a drink or two before you lose control, then it would appear that you can't moderate because even one drink leads to loss of control.

BUT, when you don't drink (since you are a binger) you seem to not have issues of losing control of either your drinking or behavior.

Based on what you've shared, I would say you cannot moderate and you would save yourself a lot of heartache (and probably money) if you just quit.
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