Confused... its my first day..

[JayceeL]

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life and I think what one of the most scary parts was it was not a bad day. I have a lot of good things going in my life..but I have never felt so hopeless and out of control, very dark. I was scared of myself.
Yesterday was the day I realized my life, health and wellbeing is in serious trouble. I drink when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am alone, when I am with people, I drink all the time and it is all I am starting to think about. I drink when it makes no sense. I have a serious genetic background of alcoholics in both sides of my family. But I don't know a lot about being an alcoholic so I had a couple of questions if anyone could help...
I am very overwhelmed by the thought of never drinking again, it seems like everything revolves around drinking. This might sound ridiculous but I love good beer and the thought of never having it again is horrifying. How long should I not drink? Like 30 days and then try to drink 1 beer?... I feel like its hard alcohol that is my downfall. Is this kind of thinking a bad sign.. should I just not drink at all ever again? How long is it going to take before I am myself again, like my mental and emotional self? What happens to me longterm when I stop drinking?
Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

[Natom]

Hey Jaycee,

Welcome to the forums. First off, try not to rush anything. I know you are full of questions and just want answers but you have to take it slowly. Don't try to set yourself unrealistic time expectations regarding your drinking. I'm not a doctor, I don't know what will happen when you stop drinking because I don't know what or how much you drink. This is something you should see a doctor or another qualified medical professional about.

Take drinking one day at a time. If you can go a day without a drink then that's fantastic. If not try half a day. If you can't do half a day then try doing one hour. If you can't do one hour try half an hour. Find where you are comfortable and then try building up on that. Take each day one at a time. If you have found you haven't drunk for one day then try again the next day. Each day you have a choice. You can either drink or not drink. And if you keep making the choice to not drink on a daily basis then you have found sobriety.

Regarding you emotional and mental self: Once you stop drinking and using all other mind altering substances the haze that has been resting so heavily on your mind will start to lift. It's not all going to be fun and games. A lot of the time you are going to feel like crap but you feel really good an awful lot more. You have to go through the pain to see the joy. Recovery is what you make of it. If you truly want sobriety then you can get it if you work for it.

Signing upto these forums was a good start. There is lots of information, experience and support on here. Have a look around and read anything you think may be of interest to you. I don't know what your feelings are on Alcoholics Anonymous but perhaps you might wanna see if there are any meetings near you. If you don't think that's your ticket then there are lots of other recovery methods such as SMART and AVRT. I personally use Narcotics Anonymous but I try not to be biased. Horses for courses. What works for me might not work for someone else.

I wish you the best of luck in starting this journey. If you need anything answered I will try to do the best with my limited experience.

Natom.

[tomsteve]

Originally Posted by JayceeL

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life and I think what one of the most scary parts was it was not a bad day. I have a lot of good things going in my life..but I have never felt so hopeless and out of control, very dark. I was scared of myself.
Yesterday was the day I realized my life, health and wellbeing is in serious trouble. I drink when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am alone, when I am with people, I drink all the time and it is all I am starting to think about. I drink when it makes no sense. I have a serious genetic background of alcoholics in both sides of my family. But I don't know a lot about being an alcoholic so I had a couple of questions if anyone could help...
I am very overwhelmed by the thought of never drinking again, it seems like everything revolves around drinking. This might sound ridiculous but I love good beer and the thought of never having it again is horrifying. .. should I just not drink at all ever again? How long is it going to take before I am myself again, like my mental and emotional self? What happens to me longterm when I stop drinking?
Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

welcome jaycee.
heres what i am thinkin: in the past, have you been able to stop for 30 days and pick up and drink responsible? can you have one or 2 beers and leave it at that?

my whole life revolved around drinking. the only reason i worked was to make money to by alcohol. ti was quite an insane life and i can look back and see it really wasnt fun.

this is just my opinion and you will have to make the choice for yourself:
what i am reading sounds like the thinking of an alcoholic.
you may want to google "big book online" and read the chapers "the doctors opinion" and "more about alcoholism." those 2 chapters have some very good information on the thinking of an alcoholic.

[Jabbadabutt]

Ahhhh......."I drink when it makes no sense". Now that one hit home for me.
I was at that point where I was just so dissappointed in myself for messing something good up in my life. I often was so confused and thought that I drank at times when it seemed no one else would have. I was confused, scared, and alone. I wanted things to change.

Then I tried to stop. I had no plan. I did not do anything different. I drank.

Then it got worse. I drank more. I drank at times when it made no sense and I accepted it as being okay because it had progressed too far. I accepted myself as a probable alcoholic. I gave up trying. I figured whatever happens will happen...good or bad. Then bad happened. I almost lost my family.

I am glad you may be here at SR before things get that bad for you. Become involved. Educate yourself. Jump in feet first. What do you have to lose?? Actually....everything.

[Dee74]

Hi JayceeL

many of us are in two minds. I was.

On the one hand, like you say

Yesterday was the day I realized my life, health and wellbeing is in serious trouble. I drink when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am alone, when I am with people, I drink all the time and it is all I am starting to think about. I drink when it makes no sense. I have a serious genetic background of alcoholics in both sides of my family.

Thats the knowledge we have, This stuff'll kill us if we let it.

On the other hand tho we have the fear

I am very overwhelmed by the thought of never drinking again, it seems like everything revolves around drinking. This might sound ridiculous but I love good beer and the thought of never having it again is horrifying. How long should I not drink? Like 30 days and then try to drink 1 beer?... I feel like its hard alcohol that is my downfall. Is this kind of thinking a bad sign.. should I just not drink at all ever again? How long is it going to take before I am myself again, like my mental and emotional self? What happens to me longterm when I stop drinking?

Don't let the fear stop you from doing what you know you need to do

Look around - theres hundreds of us, if not thousands here, who are living happy sober lives.

For me I had to accept that those problems alcohol was causing me would always be there...so long as I drank.

There was no reset button for me I'm afraid, no period of abstinence that taught me control...although I tried that many times.

That was immense for me to think about...so I took it day by day - I will not drink today seemed more achievable - and it was.

Eventually I was able to face the Forever deal and make an informed decision...I did and I don't regret it.

I drank for 20 years. I destroyed myself and my life...but I got both those things back...if I can turn my life around I know you can too

I know it's all a bit overwhelming and terrifying - it's a complete leap of faith into the unknown but you're not alone.

it's good to have you here

D

[Anna]

It's very hard for most of us to admit that we are addicts. One thing to know for sure is that beer is alcohol and it makes no difference at all whether you drink beer, wine or liquor. And, know that it's normal to be scared at the thought of never drinking again. If you're an alcoholic, you have crossed an invisible line and can never go back to occasional drinking. It doesn't work that way. The disease will pick up right where you left off.

It's always a good idea to talk to your dr before you detox from alcohol and to check your physical health. How you feel mentally should improve in the early weeks, but it depends on you and also on how much work you do on yourself. Stopping drinking is the first step and that's when the hard work on yourself begins. That's when you face life, without the numbing effect of alcohol.

You will see that many of us here have successfully removed alcohol from our lives.

[TodayisGood]

The first month I quit, the idea of never drinking again was overwhelming, so I just focused on the day. Even now after 3months, I just stay the course each day. Physically, it is amazing how my body and mind have responded in positive ways and my old drinking habits are fading away. I no longer live my life around beer drinking. One of the best decisions I make every morning is to recommit and visit this web site for support.

[Delilah1]

Welcome to SR! You will find a ton of support here, I check in daily, and feel very lucky to have the support and wisdom of the many wonderful people on this forum.

[Thepatman]

All good posts and great wisdom for you my friend. Be wise and think hard about what you want out of this.

Why would a life without booze not be normal? Because it's all we know.

[JayceeL]

Thank you so much for your replies. It is good to know there is hope and a better tomorrow if I make it through today. It feels like I am at war with myself, but I will take one day, one hour at a time. I know I will be back here to reread these again and again. I am scared but most of the time I can see the light ahead of me.. I really the quotes too.

[CaiHong]

I think we have all been there, not being able to imagine life without alcohol. Now I can't imagine alcohol in my life. I am not, have never been nor will be a moderate drinker.

I now have a life, being dependent and always thinking of a drink was so overwhelming.

I hope you find the answers you need.

CaiHong

[Caldus]

Jaycee,

As others have said, you have to make the decision yourself about whether a) you think you are an alcoholic and b) if you want to quit and start a plan of action for sobriety.

I can share with you my experience with sobriety so far. I have joined AA (again) and have been active in the program for a little over 2 months now. So I am about 68 days sober now. I can tell you that for the last several weeks, any cravings I might have for alcohol are more mental than physical in nature if that makes any sense. I am not anywhere near what I was like the first few weeks where I could literally feel my mouth craving a thick, bubbly beer all the time. Now it's just a mental battle in my head. It gets a lot better if you stick with it (and there are no loopholes to this, not even 1 beer -- sorry!).

If you are truly an alcoholic, then you have to give up alcohol altogether. You are going to need something greater than you to overcome this disease. You can't fight it by yourself. I recommend going to some AA meetings and checking it out. I am starting to learn that there is so much more to this problem than just me being a problem drinker -- there is something way deeper going on with me that only God or something else higher can help me with. You say it yourself. You drink when you are happy, sad, when it makes sense, when it doesn't make sense, when you are by yourself, when it's Wednesday, etc. etc. the vicious cycle never ends. You need to get help. If you're ready to quit, then make sure you have a plan for recovery. Again, I recommend AA. Your choice though.

[jobei]

Hey buddy, hope all is well tonight! I was a habitual alcohol abuser. To me this means that I could not go more than a few hours without alcohol and that most every night I would drink until I got tired and passed out. I wouldn't blackout everyday but the end of the night was most certainly foggy to say the least. If I had time off or a holiday I would drink until I blacked out and then wake up and do it again. It was an endless cycle of abuse. If I got sick and puked I would quickly have a drink after to feel better. The thing about it is... it wasn't always like this. For many years I would drink daily but much less. It was more of a fun and social activity. The problem is that it progressed into something much worse. When I quit drinking finally much of my motivation was because I was starting to do serious damage to my body and just couldn't take the daily struggle anymore. I had tried to quit in the past with very limited success but looking back on it I realize that was just part of me getting to this point. I still wish that I had been more serious about quitting earlier in my life... but that's in the past now so in a way it doesn't really matter. I guess what I am trying to say is that for the majority of people that are heavy drinkers things just continue to get worse. If they are bad now you have a chance to stop it dead in its tracks before all that suffering goes down. What you classify yourself as isn't important... like some previous posts said, try quitting for a day, a week, a month. If you find it impossible to do then I would look into AA, at least for a start since it's available and free. What could it hurt? Take care and god bless!

[Itchy]

Welcome Jaycee!
Keep reading, keep posting, keep your courage. You have come to the right place, I will be here too. We can all do it together.