Angrier.

[MesoFreak]

Since I have no one else to turn to with these emotions, I want to let them out here. The university I attend, my counselor, two of my professors, **** me the hell off!! In my state my school is ranked near the bottom, yet the professors act all freaking high and mighty. But you know what the worst part about them is they don't even teach you $hit! If they taught me things, I would excuse some, but no, they don't teach $hit! Tax payers and I are paying this university to show me something when all its doing is giving me a bunch of books, telling me go learn something.... I could have done that by myself!!! These idiots, walk around smelling there own a$$e$ because they think they are top $hit. Well your not.

I want to tell them so freaking bad, and I know non of you know me, I have the balls enough to do it, and that's the freaking problem! I want to tell them soo bad, and I am afraid I will because that is the type of person I am. When I don't like something I say it. I am known for that. The consequences would be dire as they have decisions on how to grade my material, letters of recommendation, etc.

Before I even enrolled in the school I spoke with a counselor who was ademant about Big 4 firms recruiting from there. I told her I was told by: the Big 4 firms, the dean of the accounting program, a student member of the accounting club on campus that they don't recruit. She made a fuss about it, she is my counselor, and I know she doesn't like me for telling her those things... but you know what, I believed here and I was right, she was wrong!! I told the dumb b*tch, but I believed her... so I guess I am the dumb one. You know what I did tell her in the nicest words possible I told her: you were wrong, I was right. She hasn't responded but she knows what I was saying, there was still hate in that email. I am afraid of doing that again, but worse....

I couldn't afford to go to the institution I really wanted to go to, who is actually is nationally ranked well and Big 4 does recruit from there. I had no choice, so I got stuck with a institution I never wanted to attend, and now realize why it is bottom tier I hate them for lying to themselves, to the students, for lying to me. Yet I have to try and put on a pretty face and smile at there words as if they are god speaking down the ten commandments.

They're idiots.


, you know what... that actually helped. So that's what this whole talking/writing business is all about. I now longer feel like writing nasty emails, or yelling at them in class in front of everyone... well I still kinda feel like yelling at them.

[instant]

I hear you Meso. Breathe.

[sugarbear1]

I was once asked this, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be sober?"

ouch

17 months later and I'm sober. Thank goodness for AA.

You'll be okay!!

[MrsKing]

I had this problem with university, too - that they didn't seem to really teach anything as such. But that is the nature of higher education and that's why people say "I read law" or "I read sociology" because the majority of 'teaching' in university is through the individual reading.

Try not to get so angry about everything. I used to be angry about EVERYTHING... and you know what? It got me nowhere except worse off.

[MesoFreak]

I don't know why I am so angry now, maybe because I am trying to quit alcohol, maybe cause I moved from home, or maybe its a number of issues and stresses I have, and alcohol is not there to calm them down. I was good at controlling my temper, but then again I would outburst only when i would drink a ton... not sure, but I need my psychologist appt to come sooner, and it seems it is taking forever to arrive (Nov 7 or canceled appt)!!

[MesoFreak]

I should probably try to join a mma or boxing club, I like fighting and can't do it as much as I would like without getting in trouble obviously, so this would be a good way; and need to workout again. Lifting heavy helps, but injuries are keeping me on the sideline right now

[coming_clean]

No.

Try tai chi or aikido.

Something that does not have the emphasis on destroying someone.

Ive done boxing for many many years. Looking back at it it brought along a very negative addictive energy.

[MesoFreak]

Originally Posted by coming_clean

Something that does not have the emphasis on destroying someone.

lol, i guess that was the point for me, take out my frustrations that I can't take on others on someone... but I guess that doesn't sound nice... and I am sure your right about the negative thing.

[coming_clean]

Find a tree...grab a big chunk of wood and start swinging

Its not nice to the tree...however...mother nature will proberly understand....if not you ll maybe find some bugs in your bed, but hey thats survivable...

You get my drift...

When i was really angry sometime, i took out a dinner plate and threw it on the kitchenfloor..now im a big guy, done most of my life martial arts and fighting...

But the loud noise of the shattering plate really woke me up...

The few times ive actually been in a fight i felt horrible...especially if i won.

[bbthumper]

When I start noticing all of the "problems" with the people and world around me, it is a sign that I am not well internally. The real problem and the solution always have been internal for me. The world and the people in it are not going to change on my behalf. My perspective has to change. For me personally I dont have the power to change it on my own. I need something greater than me to do that. The process of the 12 steps have been and continue to be a sure way for my perspective to be changed for the better. An alcoholic who is not at peace with the world around him is treading dangerous ground.

[tinkanman]

meso, might you call your psychologist and ask about any cancelations so your appt could be moved up? talk with the secretary or scheduling person and get their number. spread a little sugar (i know you have it in you) by calling them everyday\every other checking. let them know you need to get in sooner. it might help and the worst that could happen is they say know. remember...squeaky wheels get oiled. good luck

[choublak]

I get where you're coming from, I really do. But what are you going to do? Some professors have ego problems, but unfortunately they determine your grade in the class. Appease them, get the grade, and move on.

[eumenides]

Originally Posted by MesoFreak

I should probably try to join a mma or boxing club, I like fighting and can't do it as much as I would like without getting in trouble obviously, so this would be a good way; and need to workout again. Lifting heavy helps, but injuries are keeping me on the sideline right now

I agree with the other poster suggesting Aikido

You probably have a club on your campus. I practiced it for a number of years until marriage and family issues started taking up more of my time. I found being thrown (taking ukemi) and landing on the mat to radically decrease my stress and anger. I visualized static electricity flying from my body when someone who was 95 lbs soaking wet would throw me like a rag doll. It was a tremendous amount of fun.

The one thing I learned from my undergraduate education is how to navigate a bureaucracy. That's pretty much it. Everything else I learned in grad school. You are essentially in a white-collar, weeding out process. "They" are counting on a certain number of students failing or dropping out.

[tomsteve]

wheni was drinking, i had the balls to tell everyone they were wrong. when i got into recovery, i found out i had an ego that said i knew better than everyone else.
the problem with the world and its people were all a problem with the man in the mirror.