Yes, no, maybe so?

[stevied287]

So i've been following this forum off and on for 6 months. I'm 25/m and I hope I'm speaking for some of the younger generation of this site . Ever since 14 when drinking was "cool", ive always been the drunk guy at parties and going out. Its masticated itself into a drinking habit almost every day into my 20's and even more on weekends it becomes more than a ritual. Its damn I'l have a few drinking to cure my hangover to sneaking drinks in my room, ordering "extra party items" to keep me going. Almost every monday-wednesday i go through the widthrawal of shakes, insomnia, and the you know impending fear. I even was hearing thing after a bad binge > not drinking. Its starting to happen more and more in less intrevals.

I like to think I can control it but as a single, 25 yr old guy it so tough to do so when everyone else you is drinking.

I want to change, but I want to be able to go out and have a few and be ok. Sometimes I think I can be one of the normal guys, but sometimes iI think i can't do it normally. Hasn't seem to work that way since college. Guys, I don't have anxiety normally...but yea, no do I need to make a change?

Thanks

[Dee74]

Hi Stevied

I think everyone here remembers wanting to drink - but not to have any of those negative consequences.

We all wanted to be normal drinkers and not obsess about it, not go overboard with monotonous regularity, not have our lives, health and reputation suffer...

I never found a way to be a normal drinker Stevie, although I tried for 20 years.

Heck, normal drinking is alien to me - & always was, right from the first drink I ever had....

one drink? two - whats the point?

D

[Islandboy32]

Only you can really answer that question. To me it sounds like it's affecting your life negatively.. It sounds like one or two might lead to three or four and so on..

[Itchy]

It's pretty much a consensus. Many have tried to moderate, but it does not work. If it did, would you be posting here?

I went through years of trying and it progressed as it does with all of us. Read here a lot, post a lot!

Welcome to the forums!

[Lea123]

I know exactly how you feel.

[renaldo]

Hi stevied,

Welcome. Here's my story of attempted moderation.

I spent my last year of middle school and my first year of high school in Iran where you could buy grain alcohol with no I.D., all manner of pharmaceuticals with no prescription, and hash so cheap it was ludicrous. I used all these together, and so did everyone else. Everyone was blacking out, but I don't recall ever getting the shakes.

Then I returned to the States for my last 3 years of high school. That "high life" was not possible. I was reduced to low grade Columbian pot and the occasional 5th of booze when I could get my hands on it. I drank infrequently and never at recess at school or on school nights.

At college I did the usual partying. I got A's and B's in high school and college. Aside from Iran, alcohol didn't give me many problems through my 30's.

As the decades ensued I was the model employee. There were only a couple of occasions when I called in sick because of overconsumption. The quality of available pot had improved 10-fold. I smoked pot before work, but it was a 30 min. drive and I was so used to it that my eyes weren't red. Did anybody suspect? I think on a few occasions, but I was such a good employee they didn't hassle me about it.

Fast forward to more recently. I hitched a ride to the DMV 15 months ago to pick up my re-instated license after a DUI. I wanted to make sure I had no alcohol in my system, so I stopped cold turkey. I got my license back and was walking to the bus stop to go home and had a seizure. I was taken in an ambulance to the hospital where I was hooked up to for 2 days to what I call "robo injector" which pumped all the depleted nutrients back into my system.

When I got home, the first thing I did was buy and drink a couple of beers, since the experience had been so frustrating and I knew it was going to cost me a pretty penny. Then I cooled it and laid off the drinking. I can't remember for how long. Eventually I started up again real small. I was accustomed to drinking six 24 ounce cans of 8.1% alcohol beer per day. I started by buying 2 cans and maybe drinking 1-1/2 of them per day. I wouldn't buy more than 2 cans per day so there would no temptation to crack a third. I gave up pot no problem.

Fast forward to the current time. I'm doing less than part time volunteer work from home and was back up to 5 cans a day, sometimes not eating for 2 or 3 days in a row. I just wasn't hungry. Last Wed. I had another seizure (I had had another one a few months ago in my apt.) This one was the worse so far. Either I hit my chest when I was flailing around (I have no memory of the seizure) or it clenched up so tightly that when I regained consciousness it hurt really bad. Any use of the chest muscles is excruciatingly painful. It takes me 7 mins. to get out of bed. I have to do it in stages it hurts so much.

I've got a bunch of doctor's appointments with no health insurance. I'm going to have to be hooked up to robo-injector again, get brain scans to rule out a tumor or a hemmorage (sp?) in my brain from a concussion I got falling off my bike when my license was suspended.

I am also going to voluntarily go into rehab. As I await the robo-injector I am still drinking 3 beers spaced out throughout the day. Otherwise, I get the shakes. Now I am looking at never drinking again and you can imagine what a pisser that is. It's so deeply engrained in my lifestyle. But I've had 3 DUI's, one concussion, more liver attacks than I can count, and 3 seizures. Blackouts, brown-outs, you name it.

I should have been dead in Iran, washing down barbiturates with grain alcohol. But I'm still kickin' and I don't want to disappoint my parents yet again.

So that's my story of moderation - not unlike many others.

However, I've got a close friend who spent perhaps 7 years drinking alcoholically and he stopped altogether for seven years. 15 years ago he started again and has managed to keep it down to a few beers every couple of weeks. He didn't become a heavy drinker until his 30's or so, though. You've got a head start on him. I don't think your chances are very good at all.

That's my 2 cents worth. My story is tame compared to those of some others here. Basically, you're playing Russian roulette.

Have a nice day.

[coming_clean]

Im 28.
Be not looking at myself, but at others instead during college, I gave strength to my own addictive patterns. Most people seem to be able to control their drinking/drugging habits.

This is a forum for people who have addiction problems.
Think about that.

And welcome ofcourse

[hypochondriac]

Welcome to SR Stevied

It was one of the things that proved to me that I really had a problem with alcohol that I tried every which way to try and keep it in my life. I gave up vodka years ago because of blackouts. I made sure I didn't drink in the day because I knew I'd have to just carry on. I would go on binges that lasted for days but I never stopped drinking when they finished, just had a few hours off. And in all my years of trying to control my drinking I never once tried to not drink for a day. I just wanted to somehow miraculously be able to cut down. It never happened. Every time I drank I pretty much finished what was there.

It might be an idea to have a period of abstinence before you try drinking 'normally' again. Be honest with yourself. That was something I never really managed. It is amazing what excuses we can make for carrying on drinking. The gist of it is usually that we haven't ruined everything yet, not lost our job/girlfriend/home...

Very few of us have managed to control our drinking. If I could control my drinking I would have done it before now. But if you really want to try it, stop drinking completely for say 3 months... it'll just give you that space to adjust. And you never know, you might find sobriety suits you.

Regarding being surrounded by drinkers, that is usually a choice. I made a lot of effort to make sure I had people who could keep up with me to drink with. They also became my excuse on more than one occasion for why I couldn't stop drinking. Turns out it isn't really an issue because even my big drinking friends don't really care if I drink or not. And if you really have a problem with booze you will have to be confronted with this anyway. Drinking is a huge part of our culture but just because it's there doesn't mean you have to drink it all. Took me a long time to get that one x

[Natom]

Welcome to SR Stevie,

I went through the same type of thought process as you. Someone said to me that it may all look rosy now. And maybe you can go out take a few drinks, do a few lines and it will all be ok. But in my experience you're not going to be able too. And they were right. It was progressive for me.

[stevied287]

Thank you guys for all the kind words and advice. It is all very much appreciated. It has helped me realize that I'm not alone in my struggle and that I need to fix some things before it gets to worse. It's been a progressive path and I'm trying to take the steps to fix it before it gets way more out of control that it has been. You guys are a rock!