Day Seven: An observation

[Missy7]

It's day seven and I'm doing okay. To be fair, I have not left the house except to work and I have stayed on the couch pretty much the rest of the time. But I feel pretty good and I feel pretty strong. I am scared about this weekend, but I'll have to address that later.

I did notice something interesting this morning. I was sitting up in bed dealing with family drama--on and on--and I realized that some of what I was feeling reminded me of the many hangover morning I have spent bargaining with myself to keep going. And I realized that some of what I felt while hungover might have been stress, depression, and anxiety.

This realization frightens me.

It was so nice to blame EVERYTHING on the alcohol.

What do I blame now?

[fallingtogether]

Don't place blame, just pray. I don't know if your religious, but pray to the door knob if you need to. Not everything is within our control! Just deal with yourself and your sobriety first! Don't let anything Stan in your way! Congrats on 7 days!

[Fandy]

i blame all problems with the universe on X-Mr. Fandy....or if that doesn't fit the circumstance, the weather.

[frances2011]

My suggestion is to blame the Alcoholic Voice inside my head that wants me to feel scared, alone, useless, and hopeless so it can get me to drink. It's a liar. And mean. REALLY mean.

I turned a corner when I separated "Me" from the "AV" and told it to go to Heck. For a long time, I thought that I was my feelings and vice versa, inseparable. I'm not.

I think the AVRT people talk about "The Monster" and starving it to death by being in Recovery and not giving it ANY attention, much less booze.

I don't argue with my AV. If it shows up, I tell it to get lost.

Based on your OP, my experience is that a realization about how you feel is a GOOD thing. It gives you insight and awareness....which offers the chance to CHANGE.

I'm sorry for the hard stuff in your family. This is a radical suggestion I'm about to offer. I offer you the possibility that you could distance or limit yourself from the drama for the sake of your health and sobriety.

My experience is that I got healthier when I disengaged from the harmful trauma I was repeatedly choosing to experience. My younger sis's divorce in the early months of my sobriety was a humdinger. It took a lot to keep myself sane and sober when all I wanted to do was go fix everything for her.

Wishing you a good rest of the day! Glad you are here and posting.

[Missy7]

Thanks guys. I think I will blame the X Mr. Fandy and pray to the doorknob.

Such practical friends.

I will also try to limit caffeine, which makes me jittery and unhappy.

And Frances, I am separating from the damfam. I send a no option email this morning and said, sorry we can't talk.

Done.

[silly]

And we just blame life. Plain and simple. Although I much prefer to blame X Mr. Fandy, too!

[Anna]

Missy, I think it's just about learning how to deal with the hard stuff right now, rather than blaming anyone or anything. I think you made the right decision by distancing yourself from family stuff that is upsetting you. Maybe in time, but right now just take care of you.

[MIRecovery]

I vote for Mr X-Fandy too. Mean old Mr Fandy everything was always, and will be his fault

What you are experiencing is sobriety. You brain is scrambled and needs to reorder it's self. You will likely experience some pretty strong emotional swings as things sort themselves out. All of this is normal and typical.

As others have mentioned take care of yourself first. Distance yourself from drama of any kind. There can only be a war if both sides show up

[Itchy]

Missy,
I have watched you through this once before, and have to comment that I am so glad to see you hanging in there for yourself. That fear is real and until we each deal with the demons that we drink away we can't get rid of the fear and drink more. I promise you that a year or two sober and you will have dealt with those fears and put them to rest, or just saw them as fear and stopped seeing them. But again it is wonderful to have you back and not disappear into it without a fight, as so many others do.

Fandy was less than totally forthcoming with you. She blames him for the weather too!

[Fandy]

Thank you all!!! now if I had realised everyone disliked him and his gambling addiction, I could have saved myself a whole lot of grief and drank a lot less!!!

(his mother is a witch too).

yes, Missyy i agree, avoid all the family HIGH DRAMA for a bit if you can. Just tell them you are not available, as if you went on a tropical vacation..even a week makes a difference. you'll feel more balanced too.

[CaiHong]

Hi Miss,
Congrats on the 7 days. Blame is not the game, but what is triggering you now, try to avoid in this early stage. My family triggered me no end and I blamed them all for it, 15 months down the road of recovery, my perspective is totally different. It's great that you are aware of these things, important in recovery.

love
CaiHong

[Missy7]

How fun. Just to clarify--I'm not blaming things on anyone or anything. I used to blame all bad things on alcohol and they still occur...

But I am happy to have the X Mr. Fandy just in case.

[lilgolden73]

I know what you mean, the anxiety, depression and everything else that I felt alcohol helped control, which it really didn't are still there! I have no idea who Mr. Fandy is but blaming him is good!! Me I have lots of things/people to blame, including myself...well mostly myself! Keep up the good work!

[RobC420]

On day 7, I blamed myself and my spiritual condition (or lack thereof) cuz I was the cause of all my problems. It was so freeing to finally admit that I wasn't perfect and I could be at fault for something. Suddenly I saw that progress and improvement could be made.