Day one - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

notsleeping · 10-08-2012, 09:48 PM

Well it has finally come to this. I love my kids, i have four of them and would like to see them grow into adulthood. My last binge,i hope, was yesterday. The last thing i remember was reading the bible and watching football drinking my spiked gingerale. Then my daughter tells me this am how angry i was,yelling and slamming doors...i don't know,i woke up peacefully in my bed,not on the stairs like sometimes, so i tnought i did ok. My daughter says i need to quit this drinking. I had to go check and yep the 5th of vodka was gone. How did that happen? My husband basically says i need to find my stopping limit and just drink water. I don't think he understands. I went to work today,felt fine asusual, well maybe not 100%...worked a 12 hr shift, thinking about what i need to do all day. So here i am.

Sparkelina · 10-08-2012, 09:51 PM

ur screen name is what caught my attention. congrats on your day. glad u are here. i am brand new... sure looks like a good place to be.

**Dee74** · 10-08-2012, 09:53 PM

welcome notsleeping

I know it's difficult to accept at first we have a problem....but I think you've made a great step forward by joining us here

You'll find a lot of support

D

IndaMiricale · 10-08-2012, 10:16 PM

Well I have been down that road to many times ... AA saved me from way of living, cause after trying that way for 20 years I know it didnt work....

And when I had work and could even go by the end, I now call what I was doing on the job absenteism. Not till getting sober and being sober did I know how much my performance really suffered..

Sapling · 10-08-2012, 10:23 PM

Welcome to SR notsleeping...I think it's time to give it up....That kind of drinking doesn't get better with time...Only worse....I had to quit fighting it and commit to a recovery program with support from people like me...I use AA also...15 months without a drink. Glad you are here!

notsleeping · 10-08-2012, 10:31 PM

Yeah thx its been bad for a long time. Done some really bad things along the way. Need better coping skills. Need to figure out what i am trying to cope with...lol.

lilgolden73 · 10-08-2012, 10:34 PM

I know its hard! I am what one may consider a functional drinker, and I want and need to be a NON drinker PERIOD......hang in there!

Sapling · 10-08-2012, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by notsleeping

Yeah thx its been bad for a long time. Done some really bad things along the way. Need better coping skills. Need to figure out what i am trying to cope with...lol.

That's what it's all about...Alcohol was my coping skill...I used it for everything.....Every emotion I had....Snatch that out of the picture and how do I cope?....That's what my recovery program taught me....A new design for living....Without alcohol.

notsleeping · 10-08-2012, 10:47 PM

At times my anger gets the best of me and i don't know why, or what sets it off. Its like when i don't or can't drink and the anxiety sets in and i loose control. Everything just goes faster til i can calm down with one simple drink, which is better after the 4th or 5th. And i make them myself. I know how much i need to get right. Ya know.

notsleeping · 10-08-2012, 10:57 PM

Im so embarassed to let it get this bad and so ashamed of the things i've done. Especially cause my kids know so much. I gotta get them right. I don't wanna ruin their lives. I am so stupid!! Whatta fat mess this is!

Sapling · 10-08-2012, 10:58 PM

Well I know what one drink means for me notsleeping....Because once I have one I don't stop....I had a lot of anger too....And Selfishness....Dishonesty....Resentment....I had to work on all that stuff....The ISM in alcoholism....I, Self and Me.

Sapling · 10-08-2012, 11:01 PM

Don't get down on yourself...Have hope and faith and hang on to both of them tight....There are ways out of it...You just have to go after them.

lilgolden73 · 10-08-2012, 11:01 PM

I feel your pain! Disgusted with myself and life!

Sapling · 10-08-2012, 11:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilgolden73

I feel your pain! Disgusted with myself and life!

I don't think any of us are happy about where we end up....It's what you do about it that matters....Don't get down on yourself....Put that energy into your recovery....That's the way out.

DisplacedGRITS · 10-08-2012, 11:06 PM

have you considered going to AA, notsleeping?

notsleeping · 10-08-2012, 11:21 PM

I have tried it once,yearz ago, wasn't ready i guesz. I don't know if i could truely speak in front of people. I really have a hard time with that. I know a whole lot of people i work with who go and i wa ouldz zbe terrified to meet up with one of them. NOBODY there knows any of this.

**Dee74** · 10-08-2012, 11:52 PM

Most recovery methods have online options now...you might like to check out AVRT too - no meetings at all with that...

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players including AA...I think it's good to look at the links and at least know your options:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html (Recovery Programs and Resources Information)

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

notsleeping · 10-08-2012, 11:57 PM

Wow thx.

MrsKing · 10-09-2012, 12:05 AM

Hello and welcome

Many people tried to tell me that all I needed to do was 'cut down' and 'get a stop button' etc, and I tried to do that for a long time. I believed that was all I needed, too. The reality was that once I started, I couldn't stop, and this was true pretty much every time I drank. It is SO much easier not drinking at all than it is trying to limit. After 1 or 2 drinks my body used to scream for more, it was an awful feeling and very difficult (mostly impossible, in my mind) to deny. Since I've quit, I've never had that problem

life is so much easier without the constant struggle.

I hope you stick around... there is so much support on offer here.

Wishing you all the best x

10-08-2012, 09:48 PM	#1 (permalink)
notsleeping Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: denver CO Posts: 72	Day one Well it has finally come to this. I love my kids, i have four of them and would like to see them grow into adulthood. My last binge,i hope, was yesterday. The last thing i remember was reading the bible and watching football drinking my spiked gingerale. Then my daughter tells me this am how angry i was,yelling and slamming doors...i don't know,i woke up peacefully in my bed,not on the stairs like sometimes, so i tnought i did ok. My daughter says i need to quit this drinking. I had to go check and yep the 5th of vodka was gone. How did that happen? My husband basically says i need to find my stopping limit and just drink water. I don't think he understands. I went to work today,felt fine asusual, well maybe not 100%...worked a 12 hr shift, thinking about what i need to do all day. So here i am.

10-08-2012, 09:53 PM	#3 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 65,364	welcome notsleeping I know it's difficult to accept at first we have a problem....but I think you've made a great step forward by joining us here You'll find a lot of support D __________________

10-08-2012, 10:16 PM	#4 (permalink)
IndaMiricale Powerless over Alcohol Join Date: May 2011 Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny! Posts: 4,020	Well I have been down that road to many times ... AA saved me from way of living, cause after trying that way for 20 years I know it didnt work.... And when I had work and could even go by the end, I now call what I was doing on the job absenteism. Not till getting sober and being sober did I know how much my performance really suffered.. __________________ "The only real thing in life are dreams, which nature cant touch with decay." Bob Dylan "Each day,somewhere in the world ,recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic , sharing experience,strength and hope."

10-08-2012, 10:34 PM	#7 (permalink)
lilgolden73 Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Somewhere in the sands of time Posts: 1,206 Blog Entries: 11	I know its hard! I am what one may consider a functional drinker, and I want and need to be a NON drinker PERIOD......hang in there! __________________ Lola "First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you." "It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth". "Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness."

10-08-2012, 11:01 PM	#13 (permalink)
lilgolden73 Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Somewhere in the sands of time Posts: 1,206 Blog Entries: 11	I feel your pain! Disgusted with myself and life! __________________ Lola "First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you." "It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth". "Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness."

10-08-2012, 09:51 PM	#2 (permalink)
Sparkelina Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 72	ur screen name is what caught my attention. congrats on your day. glad u are here. i am brand new... sure looks like a good place to be.

10-08-2012, 10:23 PM	#5 (permalink)
Sapling AA Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Between Meetings Posts: 9,004	Welcome to SR notsleeping...I think it's time to give it up....That kind of drinking doesn't get better with time...Only worse....I had to quit fighting it and commit to a recovery program with support from people like me...I use AA also...15 months without a drink. Glad you are here!

10-08-2012, 10:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
notsleeping Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: denver CO Posts: 72	Yeah thx its been bad for a long time. Done some really bad things along the way. Need better coping skills. Need to figure out what i am trying to cope with...lol.

10-08-2012, 10:47 PM	#9 (permalink)
notsleeping Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: denver CO Posts: 72	At times my anger gets the best of me and i don't know why, or what sets it off. Its like when i don't or can't drink and the anxiety sets in and i loose control. Everything just goes faster til i can calm down with one simple drink, which is better after the 4th or 5th. And i make them myself. I know how much i need to get right. Ya know.

10-08-2012, 10:57 PM	#10 (permalink)
notsleeping Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: denver CO Posts: 72	Im so embarassed to let it get this bad and so ashamed of the things i've done. Especially cause my kids know so much. I gotta get them right. I don't wanna ruin their lives. I am so stupid!! Whatta fat mess this is!

10-08-2012, 10:58 PM	#11 (permalink)
Sapling AA Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Between Meetings Posts: 9,004	Well I know what one drink means for me notsleeping....Because once I have one I don't stop....I had a lot of anger too....And Selfishness....Dishonesty....Resentment....I had to work on all that stuff....The ISM in alcoholism....I, Self and Me.

10-08-2012, 11:01 PM	#12 (permalink)
Sapling AA Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Between Meetings Posts: 9,004	Don't get down on yourself...Have hope and faith and hang on to both of them tight....There are ways out of it...You just have to go after them.

10-08-2012, 11:06 PM	#15 (permalink)
DisplacedGRITS Crazy Cat Lady Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Milwaukee, WI Posts: 1,915 Blog Entries: 3	have you considered going to AA, notsleeping? __________________ Sobriety Date: May 3, 2013 If I can do it, you can do it. Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. -The Big Book of AA, Chapter 5 Page 58

10-08-2012, 11:21 PM	#16 (permalink)
notsleeping Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: denver CO Posts: 72	I have tried it once,yearz ago, wasn't ready i guesz. I don't know if i could truely speak in front of people. I really have a hard time with that. I know a whole lot of people i work with who go and i wa ouldz zbe terrified to meet up with one of them. NOBODY there knows any of this.

10-08-2012, 11:52 PM	#17 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 65,364	Most recovery methods have online options now...you might like to check out AVRT too - no meetings at all with that... There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players including AA...I think it's good to look at the links and at least know your options: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html (Recovery Programs and Resources Information) I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach. D __________________

10-08-2012, 11:57 PM	#18 (permalink)
notsleeping Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: denver CO Posts: 72	Wow thx.

10-09-2012, 12:05 AM	#19 (permalink)
MrsKing Member Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: UK Posts: 1,142	Hello and welcome Many people tried to tell me that all I needed to do was 'cut down' and 'get a stop button' etc, and I tried to do that for a long time. I believed that was all I needed, too. The reality was that once I started, I couldn't stop, and this was true pretty much every time I drank. It is SO much easier not drinking at all than it is trying to limit. After 1 or 2 drinks my body used to scream for more, it was an awful feeling and very difficult (mostly impossible, in my mind) to deny. Since I've quit, I've never had that problem life is so much easier without the constant struggle. I hope you stick around... there is so much support on offer here. Wishing you all the best x

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