I guess I just start babbling . . .

[GottaWonder]

Hello,

I've been reading this site for a couple months now. I have a problem with my drinking and it needs to get fixed before it gets worse.

I don't drink daily, though there have been several periods where I have drank daily. I don't blackout when I do drink. I can seem to control myself when I start. However, I don't seem to not drink for more than two days in a row. That's the part that's bothering me. I decided I really need to go 30 days without (and perhaps forever) drinking.

This is the beginning of my 3rd day and I'm hoping not to break down by lunch tomorrow and have a beer, which is why I'm here.

[clight]

Congraz on day 3! Don't think about a drink tomorrow think about today. 1 day at a time. You can do it! If you feel the urge to drink come here there is unbelievable support and everyone here has your back.

[Ragamuffin]

You can do this! Think of how great you will feel when you reach your goal. Take each day one at a time, one minute at a time, one second at a time. Soon it will become easier.

Give yourself some credit, you are stronger than you think.

[Dee74]

Welcome GottaWonder

People come here with problems of all shapes and sizes - if you think it's a problem then I think it is too.

Once I could barely make 3 days either...the support I found here helped me make 3 days then 4 then a week, a month, a year and so on.

check out our class of september - great support thread
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3598325

and there's also a 30 days and under thread - join both, or neither, if you like
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rage-them.html ("30 Days and Under"... Come & encourage them!)

I'm glad you decided to start posting

D

[driftapart]

Hey man! Welcome to the group.

Is there anyway you can post on here during your lunch hour tomorrow? I find it helpful when I'm craving a drink.

But anyway, just take it one day at a time. You can do this!

[IndaMiricale]

Welcome

So nice to have you, keep posting. And if you start getting those urges come here ASAP

[least]

Welcome to the family!

[GottaWonder]

I'm probably more of a mess than I admit or even realize. I will post in a few hours after I do my running around. Lunch and late tonight will be the bad parts with the most temptation. I've done two days sober over and over again. Breaking that record is the challenge.

[GottaWonder]

That settles it. If I didn't have a problem, today wouldn't be so hard. I am freaking out on many levels. Bouts of self-loathing, lonliness, cravings, head ache, etc. I don't think I was prepared to actually have a problem and now that I have admitted it, it hasn't really helped yet.

[soberjim]

Hi Gotta..No need to freak out...You are in good company. I joined last November..

It is a process, and not an easy one to accept that you have a problem..I have been struggling most of the year...Combination of disbelief, perhaps anger...


For me I kept wondering, how did I get here? Like when exactly did this happen? Can I control it, moderate it? Like you I originally didn't think it was a huge problem. 30 days..no problem. Well 1 year later and I wish I could say I have 30 days. I think finally I am coming to terms with it myself. Everyone has a slightly different path.

I would encourage you to read post here. You will see yourself in many posts and be able to relate.

[OneLessLonely]

I've heard many people say and agree that if you have a problem trying to not drink then you have a problem with drinking. Normal drinkers don't agonize over whether or not drink or struggle with trying to not drink or try to reason about whether or not to drink. So as awful as you feel it's really great that you understand what that means. Take that as the motivation to stop. The more hours, days, time you get through the more momentum you'll have to keep going. Stay the course and keep posting. If anyone understands what you're going through, it's everyone here.

[GottaWonder]

I guess I'll keep my main babbling here.

It's been a big day with a lot of awakening and realizations.

I started my experiment of wanting to go thirty days without drinking because I've been thinking about how long it's been since I went several days. I would usually drink every other or every third day, sometimes every day for awhile, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I couldn't remember the last time I went more than three days. I think I did it a few months ago, but can't really, solidly say I hadn't drank for more than three days consecutively.

The more I thought about that sentence, the more I toyed with the idea that I had a problem. So I told myself to go thirty days. Now, this is the first time I'm really consciously thinking about drinking or not. I simply had a routine where every couple days I would either go have a couple beers around lunch time or have a half pint of something after work. Again, these should all be obvious signs of a problem, but I never stopped to really think about it.

So when I had some really strong cravings today (I guess technically yesterday, since I've began day 4 (WOO!)) I had to admit there was a problem. That rocked my world and opened me up to beginning to really evaluate my drinking and other aspects about my life and myself. S.O.B.E.R. In the past 24 hours I've been disgusted with myself, dispassionate about the whole thing, angry at not being able to drink again, afraid of what people would think, saddened by where my life is, hopeful at what it could be, and even elated that I made it past 72 hours.

In short, it's been a rollercoaster and exhausting.

It wouldn't have happened without this forum. Whether I have the strength to commit to forever or break down this weekend, I've learned something valuable today and I wanted to thank everyone here and hopefully I will be as excited by day 4 and 5 to keep me from having to restart at 1.

Good night and have a good weekend.

[Dee74]

Have a good weekend GW - we'll be around

D

[justhadenough]

Welcome to SR & congrats on day 4

[GottaWonder]

I work about 2 hours away from where my family lives and I spend the work week by myself and travel home on weekends. I stopped drinking on Wednesday morning and realized I had a problem on Friday.

I got home and threw myself into yard work. I was feeling anxious and had a lot of nervous energy. I worked cutting down the summer flower stalks and levelling the garden, and cutting up tree branches that were knocked down by the last storm. I hurt myself a bit through over exertion since I just wanted to work through any excess energy I had. Finishing for the day was really strange since I really wanted a nice cold BEvERage at that point. There was liquor in the house, but fortunately, it was leftover from a summer party and nothing I particularly cared for.

Sunday I was feeling physically off, no energy, but not horrible. I told my wife I had quit drinking. I didn't get much of a reaction. I'm not sure how to interpret that.

I usually have friends stop by on weekends with some cases of beer and we hang out and drink. Fortunately, no one came for a visit this weekend. I know I would have had to start over on Monday if they did.

Monday I put the kid on the bus and headed back to the city for work. I've realized I've got a lot of underlying anger going on, which I'm sure is part of what I was numbing. Some day I should probably invest in a decent therapist for a bit.

[IndaMiricale]

AA was the best theraphy for this alcoholic..

Glad to see you made it thru the weekend.. Keep going strong..

[Gigabit]

Originally Posted by GottaWonder

There was liquor in the house, but fortunately, it was leftover from a summer party and nothing I particularly cared for.

I'd get rid of it... while it's nothing you particularly care for!

[RobC420]

I made countless resolutions to stop drinking. Every couple days I was quitting for good! I told my therapist all about it. On two occasions (in 2005 and 2010) I was able to put together 6 months. Though both times I thought I was doing good and really quitting, 'relapse' was inevitable.

I have now been sober for 1 and a half years and feel better than I have ever felt in my life. I have no desire to drink. The only thing I did different this time, was go to AA.

[MrsKing]

Good for you for getting through the weekend.

Do you have any plans for how you're going to deal with situations that arise in which alcohol is involved? Thinking about what you're going to do and what you'll say, and having a clear idea of how you're going to behave (for example, if you're going to leave at a certain point) because temptations will arise and the best way to not give in to them is to be prepared for them.

Wishing you all the best.

[Hollyanne]

Keep it in the day.
Do not allow yourself to think you WILL drink.
You never have to drink again!
Would you try AA? There are a lot of programs available. Read the stickys here. Top of the page on each forum.
Leave all the rest of the stuff for later.
Your wife probably doesn't want to "spook" you by getting excited.
Probably delighted with the yard too!
Did she suffer much due to your alcoholism/problem?
Would she consider Alanon?
Each day, You make up your mind to "Not drink today".
Watch the day-count going up and up and up!
Congratulate yourself.

Mrs King has an excellent point.
Make sure no-one arrives with drink!
Make a plan.