i made a huge decision

[hrich1122]

I've been fighting to stay sober. I felt like my husand was purposly trying to threaten my sobriety. He was leaving wine and beer by the door when he left for work. Then texting me saying he had a bad feeling I had been drinking. Really?!
I was fighting my butt off to get better for my family. Every time I messed up he would make me feel like I was going to lose my entire world. The stress of trying to stay sober, get out of my depression and save my family was too much. Then he started talking to someone else....and I lost it. I really just wanted to die because it seemed easier.
I decided with in hours to pack up my kids and fly to alaska to friends and family that love me and support me. I've been here 5days and havnt drank. I'm determined to use all of this support to make myself better so when I go back I can deal with life with a clear mind.
My problem is..... I'm so focused on him and fixing my family...that its totally clouding my mind to focus on what really matters. I just want to lay in bed all day and cry. I don't know how to get myself together. I NEED to use this time to better myself but I can't find it in me.

[superflyashley]

I'm in the same situation, except I came home and decided not to go back. You can do this whatever you decide to do.

[jaz06]

You've taken the first brave step in removing you & your kids from that situation. Now, top priority has to be your health & your sobriety. You want to have the strength to get through this & make the right decisions, & you want to be the best you can for your children, so you need to take care of YOU first. You deserve it. Have faith in yourself, you sound stronger than you give yourself credit for. Come here as often as you need to. There are a lot of great people ready to support & encourage you, know you're not alone!

You have my Best Wishes!!
Big Hugs~jaz

[Sapling]

Why don't you have a friend or family member go to an AA meeting with you...I can tell you one thing that won't work...Laying in bed and crying.....Nobody has gotten sober doing that.

[hrich1122]

I will. I'm actually staying with a friend that has an issue with alcohol and wants to stop. We've always said we wished we were together to support each other and help eachother get through this. She's an rn at the only hospital here so she doesn't really want people seeing her at aa.

[instant]

Sobriety is a solid foundation for living. It is good to make it a priority and do what you need to do to get sober. As long as you can make sure the kids are looked after the rest is your option.

[Sapling]

I think getting some support....And getting outside...Could be just what the doctor ordered. I'm still sending you prayers hrich...I think you made a good move...Take care of you first!

[Sapling]

If anybody sees her...Which I doubt will happen...The only reason she is there is to give you support...Done deal.

[hrich1122]

I hate feeling like the entire world os on my shoulders. I started with focusing on my sobriety to finding a way to clean up my familys mess and dealing with my children being 3000 miles away from their father. Seeing how this is effecting them is breaking my heart and making it so hard to focus on myself.
I believe I made the best choice by leaving. There was no way I could get better in that situation.

[Sapling]

You know what you have to do?....Just don't drink today....Keep it as simple as that. Take care of tomorrow when it gets here.

[Dee74]

I hope you'll make it to a meeting hrich - sounds like you could use a little more support

If your RN friend is unwilling, can anyone else in your friends or family circle there go with you to that first AA meeting?

[sugarbear1]

Anchorage Area Intergroup AAIG - AA Alaska Style

Welcome to Alaska Area 02 AA

Alcoholics Anonymous Fairbanks, Alaska

Not sure where you are, but do a search on: aa city state
or just: aa alaska

Might be helpful for the both of you!

[Nuway2fly]

hrich! Great to hear from you again. You've been in my thoughts and prayers for days. I'm glad you are supported by folks who want to see you succeed in your sobriety. Having a "sober buddy" for mutual support may be just what you need right now.

Originally Posted by hrich1122

I'm determined to use all of this support to make myself better so when I go back I can deal with life with a clear mind.
My problem is..... I'm so focused on him and fixing my family...that its totally clouding my mind to focus on what really matters. I just want to lay in bed all day and cry. I don't know how to get myself together. I NEED to use this time to better myself but I can't find it in me.

If I may say so, focus on yourself. You can't change him, you can only change your own behaviors. It's no wonder you feel exhausted after moving out. Give yourself a little time to get used to the current situation and to get your energy level back. It will be a lot easier to work on yourself then. It will come--but in the meantime, just keep plugging at staying sober every day. You can do this! Hugs and support.