Going to a Wedding! Angry - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

jflowers · 09-01-2012, 07:07 AM

Hi I am going to a wedding today for my bf friends, I do not want to go,m he is insisting i go so I am going to make him happy, I find myself so angry and mad today, Very anxious. I do not want to drink, I do not plan on it, I have over a year of sobriety. I do n ot know anyone at this wedding and my bf will most likelky drink! I have to be home by 10pm, which is somewhat something on my side, any advice for getting through this wedding with out being a total b*tch and psycho? I get so annoyed being around people who drink and are partying, I am so ughh!

aasharon90 · 09-01-2012, 07:20 AM

If I had to go to a function I tried to go
in my own car. That way I can escape
and make a meeting or something else
related to my recovery to get to. Family
were definitely aware that my recovery
is that important to me and being around
alcohol is not good for me and my recovery.

There is no ifs, ands, or buts about it when
it comes to staying sober and going to any
lengths to protect it. No one else is gonna
keep me sober but me and a program of
recovery to help.

That is called being responsible in recovery.
Being responsible for my own actions. Being
responsible for me.

Pete55 · 09-01-2012, 07:20 AM

"Fear" comes to mind...., we had similar circumstances 2 weeks ago, a b/day party and we meditated, ( quiet time ) on what to do.
When we looked at the fear of alcohol being at the party, then we searched some AA literature and found some writings, and that is to not fear going to a function with alcohol, simply fear drinking the alcohol....and we drank water or cola, etc.
It was a fun nite for me and my non drinking friends and we saw some "fall" who drank too much and, well, we quietly smiled, looked around and sensed that warm fuzzy feeling that this time no one is pointing the finger at me....
It reminded me of myself.

2 weeks on, those that drank and embarrassed family that night on the dance floor, are still in remorse, shame and guilt, and we recovered alkies that were there live to tell another day of wonderful sobriety!

Threshold · 09-01-2012, 07:28 AM

You might want to slap me for saying this, but from my own experience it's true. This is a great opportunity to face life. And I don't just mean YOUR reality, but life. Sometimes we have to suck it up and do something because it's the thing we must do. And we find out that even though we really don't like it, we can do it, and we can do it without a drink.

and we get a chance to feel our feelings, sober, and realize that they won't kill us. And we gain a little self respect and confidence every time that happens.

Most of the time there are people at weddings who don't drink. When we're drinking, we don't notice that. When we've just stopped drinking, we think that we are the only ones and that all "normal" people drink. But a LOT of people don't drink, it's a non issue to them. You might come across some at the wedding and have a nice time with them.

If possible, try to diffuse the drama before you go by reminding yourself, you're going to support a friend, and that's a worthwhile reason and there will be some interesting sober people there.

going in resentful pretty much guarantees a lousy time and drama.

foodie1 · 09-01-2012, 09:55 AM

Hi jflowers, that's tough! One question, why is bf insisting you go? That doesn't seem very supportive, in this outsider's totally-unsolicited-opinion. Personally, when I feel the way you described, it's a very dangerous little tight rope I'm walking on, and being anywhere around alcohol and/or other people drinking is too risky. So my advice is to get out of going in any way you can.

Sending positive vibes your way, I've got to do a wedding today too, all the best to you

2granddaughters · 09-01-2012, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jflowers

Hi I am going to a wedding today for my bf friends, I do not want to go,m he is insisting i go so I am going to make him happy, I find myself so angry and mad today, Very anxious. I do not want to drink, I do not plan on it, I have over a year of sobriety. I do n ot know anyone at this wedding and my bf will most likelky drink! I have to be home by 10pm, which is somewhat something on my side, any advice for getting through this wedding with out being a total b*tch and psycho? I get so annoyed being around people who drink and are partying, I am so ughh!

Are you going to AA? Is this the first wedding you two have attended together?

Will your BF drink to excess? Have a "Plan B" in case things go south in a hurry.

All the best.

Bob R

ru12 · 09-01-2012, 10:07 AM

Drive by yourself so you can leave when you need to.

Perhaps just attend the ceremony and leave before the reception. If you don't think that will fly, stay at the reception for dinner and leave right after. You do not need to be there for the boozing and the dancing.

Frankly, how much of a best friend would you really be if you started abusing alcohol again? I think you need to care for yourself in this situation. If your bf gets upset that you don't want to be around all the drinking, then perhaps you may need to reevaluate that relationship. Good luck!

suki44883 · 09-01-2012, 10:08 AM

If you are going to be angry, it is best you don't go at all. Yes, your BF might be upset, but if you are angry and sullen, neither of you will have a good time. This is the bride's day and if you cannot go and be happy for her and put your own issues aside, it's best that you just not go. MHO.

foodie1 · 09-02-2012, 08:54 AM

jflowers, how did you fare through yesterday? All ok I hope!!

09-01-2012, 07:07 AM	#1 (permalink)
jflowers Member Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: \The East Coast ! Posts: 1	Going to a Wedding! Angry Hi I am going to a wedding today for my bf friends, I do not want to go,m he is insisting i go so I am going to make him happy, I find myself so angry and mad today, Very anxious. I do not want to drink, I do not plan on it, I have over a year of sobriety. I do n ot know anyone at this wedding and my bf will most likelky drink! I have to be home by 10pm, which is somewhat something on my side, any advice for getting through this wedding with out being a total b*tch and psycho? I get so annoyed being around people who drink and are partying, I am so ughh!

09-01-2012, 07:20 AM	#2 (permalink)
aasharon90 Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Baton Rouge, La. Posts: 5,546	If I had to go to a function I tried to go in my own car. That way I can escape and make a meeting or something else related to my recovery to get to. Family were definitely aware that my recovery is that important to me and being around alcohol is not good for me and my recovery. There is no ifs, ands, or buts about it when it comes to staying sober and going to any lengths to protect it. No one else is gonna keep me sober but me and a program of recovery to help. That is called being responsible in recovery. Being responsible for my own actions. Being responsible for me. __________________ "A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED" SHARON B. Baton Rouge, La. 8-11-90 I turn my will and life over to the care of a Power greater than I on a daily bases for guidance, care and protection.

09-01-2012, 10:08 AM	#8 (permalink)
suki44883 Just livin' the dream Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Somewhere Out There Posts: 11,557	If you are going to be angry, it is best you don't go at all. Yes, your BF might be upset, but if you are angry and sullen, neither of you will have a good time. This is the bride's day and if you cannot go and be happy for her and put your own issues aside, it's best that you just not go. MHO. __________________ "The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is the character of the person walking the path." - Travis Alexander "So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key." - The Eagles

09-01-2012, 07:20 AM	#3 (permalink)
Pete55 Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 344 Blog Entries: 13	"Fear" comes to mind...., we had similar circumstances 2 weeks ago, a b/day party and we meditated, ( quiet time ) on what to do. When we looked at the fear of alcohol being at the party, then we searched some AA literature and found some writings, and that is to not fear going to a function with alcohol, simply fear drinking the alcohol....and we drank water or cola, etc. It was a fun nite for me and my non drinking friends and we saw some "fall" who drank too much and, well, we quietly smiled, looked around and sensed that warm fuzzy feeling that this time no one is pointing the finger at me.... It reminded me of myself. 2 weeks on, those that drank and embarrassed family that night on the dance floor, are still in remorse, shame and guilt, and we recovered alkies that were there live to tell another day of wonderful sobriety!

09-01-2012, 07:28 AM	#4 (permalink)
Threshold Grateful but still smarting Join Date: May 2009 Location: Arizona Posts: 2,228 Blog Entries: 24	You might want to slap me for saying this, but from my own experience it's true. This is a great opportunity to face life. And I don't just mean YOUR reality, but life. Sometimes we have to suck it up and do something because it's the thing we must do. And we find out that even though we really don't like it, we can do it, and we can do it without a drink. and we get a chance to feel our feelings, sober, and realize that they won't kill us. And we gain a little self respect and confidence every time that happens. Most of the time there are people at weddings who don't drink. When we're drinking, we don't notice that. When we've just stopped drinking, we think that we are the only ones and that all "normal" people drink. But a LOT of people don't drink, it's a non issue to them. You might come across some at the wedding and have a nice time with them. If possible, try to diffuse the drama before you go by reminding yourself, you're going to support a friend, and that's a worthwhile reason and there will be some interesting sober people there. going in resentful pretty much guarantees a lousy time and drama.

09-01-2012, 09:55 AM	#5 (permalink)
foodie1 Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Oregon Posts: 817 Blog Entries: 28	Hi jflowers, that's tough! One question, why is bf insisting you go? That doesn't seem very supportive, in this outsider's totally-unsolicited-opinion. Personally, when I feel the way you described, it's a very dangerous little tight rope I'm walking on, and being anywhere around alcohol and/or other people drinking is too risky. So my advice is to get out of going in any way you can. Sending positive vibes your way, I've got to do a wedding today too, all the best to you

09-01-2012, 10:07 AM	#7 (permalink)
ru12 Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Eastern Us Posts: 625	Drive by yourself so you can leave when you need to. Perhaps just attend the ceremony and leave before the reception. If you don't think that will fly, stay at the reception for dinner and leave right after. You do not need to be there for the boozing and the dancing. Frankly, how much of a best friend would you really be if you started abusing alcohol again? I think you need to care for yourself in this situation. If your bf gets upset that you don't want to be around all the drinking, then perhaps you may need to reevaluate that relationship. Good luck!

09-02-2012, 08:54 AM	#9 (permalink)
foodie1 Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Oregon Posts: 817 Blog Entries: 28	jflowers, how did you fare through yesterday? All ok I hope!!

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