My condensed story (if not it'd be a book)

[MesoFreak]

I am happy drunk up until the point of when I drink liquor or too many beers, then I become a violent drunk. I have walked around and partied so many times unconsciously awake; being awake but might as well be passed out because I am not mentally present. Many times I have woken up not realizing how I got there, and twice in the shower with the water running. I have wandered off into others backyards and passed out, one time I wandered off and passed out at a dealership. When I woke up I realized I had a broken nose, and dried blood on my face. These events have all been sporadic, happening once or twice a year, this year I went crazy with it… Well I guess I should start with what I am certain was the cause of my heavy drinking. It isn’t one thing, but a number of things that I just couldn’t deal with, chose not to deal with, sober. It all stemmed from fall semester 2011.

Entering the fall 2011 semester I had a 3.03 GPA that I had to get up from a low 1.65 (I wasn’t the best student my entire life). Being above a three for the first time ever in my life was the greatest accomplishment and feeling I had in a long time. By the time I was out of the fall semester I was hoping to increase my GPA to a 3.2, further opening doors in scholarships and solidifying my internship opportunity at a big four accounting firm.

I worked terribly hard at five courses (at the end of the semester I began to have chest pains, and anxiety attacks), but in the end failed to produce the result I wanted, and brought my GPA to a 2.99. Although to my readers that may not seem like a big deal, unfortunately the rest of the world it’s a huge deal breaker. I was told I could not even apply for the internship with the big four accounting firms until my GPA was at least a 3.2. Many scholarships were lost to me, and the short lived high of being above a 3.0 was suddenly turned to anger and depression.

Along with that I had the stress of thinking about not having a job, my parents were both out of work, and all the decisions I have made up to the age of 28 all seemed for nothing. That’s when the alcohol abuse came :/ I was good up until this past year, the past spring 2012 semester. I partied so much during the semester many people were starting to believe that is all I had done up until transferring; I have not. Toward the end of the semester I wasn’t feeling to right about my body and was feeling like quitting alcohol by the time May came around. But then something else derailed my mind; a decision of what university to attend!

This decision was one of the hardest for me to make, and also one of the most depressing. Out of the great universities I was accepted to I had to settle for one I didn’t really want to attend because the other ones were more expensive. Again, this drove my depression so high I was blaming everything under the sun for me not being able to go to this university. I am not as resentful as I was a few weeks ago, but I do wish my parents had saved for my college education; I wish I had above a 3.0 GPA to have great scholarship opportunities; I wish I never let my mother convince me to stop being a mechanic because then I could have saved for my education myself! As I write this I am still a bit ticked about those crucial decisions I have made in my life, and try to forget about those I had no control over. But for me that is easier said than done.

I am tired of making decisions that are not right! So I am hoping this decision to stop drinking is not wrong. I am going into a field where drinking is heavily imbedded in the culture, and in order successfully network I would have to be present and may have to partake in the drinking: finance/accounting field. I have a friend who is currently at Merrill Lynch and he says that he can see why many people in finance become or can become alcoholics: many top executives all drink, and buy rounds (and dinner) for the whole room.

Life hasn’t been what I have wanted it to be, but this is where I am at now. I want to quit this I want to get my health back. Maybe one day I could just have beer, or maybe I will never be able to have it again. For now I want to enjoy this day/evening of being sober. I won’t lie in that I am thinking about the next drink; and so the mental battle begins.

[silly]

Not drinking is never the wrong choice. Ever. I work for an international consulting firm that specializes in accounting and finance and nobody expects you to drink. Your friend is either hanging out with the wrong people at Lynch or he/she is just hanging out toooooo long.
Plus, if you drink the way you say you do, you won't be making friends at happy hour.
I'm not trying to sound harsh. But lots of us have been there. Being a happy drunk until.... is asking for trouble in the professional world. Your friend will probably learn that, too.

Good luck!

[Zencat]

Originally Posted by M

I am happy drunk up until the point of when I drink liquor or too many beers, then I become a violent drunk.

Me too in a way. When I get to drinking I's happy times all a round up until I into a raving madman, burning up relationships with loved ones and generally going off my cracker.

[MesoFreak]

Originally Posted by silly

Not drinking is never the wrong choice. Ever. I work for an international consulting firm that specializes in accounting and finance and nobody expects you to drink. Your friend is either hanging out with the wrong people at Lynch or he/she is just hanging out toooooo long.
Plus, if you drink the way you say you do, you won't be making friends at happy hour.
I'm not trying to sound harsh. But lots of us have been there. Being a happy drunk until.... is asking for trouble in the professional world. Your friend will probably learn that, too.

Good luck!

My friend, unlike me, is actually very socially aware of being bad anywhere in public. He maintains his composure very well; something I wish I could learn to master.

I do drink I a lot, but it was mainly this year. Before that I was fine with a couple of beers every month not in school, and binge drink at the end of the semester. I don't know why that was the tradition...

[Etta]

My brother is an accountant at a big four firm. He talks about the pressure to put in face time at after work events, but he's a family guy with kids, and he's never been a drinker, so he skips most of that, although he does attend some events. It hasn't been a problem for him, and he's successful.

He was a horrible student for most of his life, by the way. I was the honor student, at the top of my class in law school, and I'm the one with the drinking problem. Go figure.

[instant]

choosing a healthier option is the way to go. I now enjoy living sober. Stress will not go away without alcohol but now I can handle it much better. I hope you find a way for yourself

[silly]

Originally Posted by MesoFreak

My friend, unlike me, is actually very socially aware of being bad anywhere in public. He maintains his composure very well; something I wish I could learn to master.

I do drink I a lot, but it was mainly this year. Before that I was fine with a couple of beers every month not in school, and binge drink at the end of the semester. I don't know why that was the tradition...

Well, just as an FYI, there's no tradition in "professional" drinking. Or an expectation.

[MesoFreak]

Originally Posted by Etta

My brother is an accountant at a big four firm. He talks about the pressure to put in face time at after work events, but he's a family guy with kids, and he's never been a drinker, so he skips most of that, although he does attend some events. It hasn't been a problem for him, and he's successful.

He was a horrible student for most of his life, by the way. I was the honor student, at the top of my class in law school, and I'm the one with the drinking problem. Go figure.

I have heard and read in various locations that in order to be successfully promoted at these firms one must attend these events to socialize outside of work. If your brother works for a big four, I am certain he is successful, but I am wondering what level he has stayed at?

I wish you the best in your struggles with alcohol, and me also.

[artsoul]

I wouldn't worry too much about the social events that are months/years down the road. In fact, the more you stay in today, the easier it will be - at least that's what I found to be true for me. Find a way to stay sober today - that's all you have to do.

Being sober is progressive, just like drinking..... you'll have more strength and experience by the time the future gets here.

[VibrantQueen]

Meso, in reading your post, your story sounds just like the rest of ours. We all blame something other than ourselves for our lack of control when it comes to alcohol. Although we all come from many different walks of life, educational and socioeconomic backgrounds..one thing is our common denominator...we are powerless over alcohol!

Once that has been accepted, then we can move on into other areas of our lives. Focus on your sobriety one day at a time...those social functions that you think you MUST consume alcohol in order to rise the corporate ladder are many days, months, if not years away.

By then, I hope that you will be able to learn that you can still be social without letting alcohol control you. Best of luck on your journey

[Pigtails]

I too am in an industry where everyone drinks, a lot of people have drinking problems, and there is pressure/encouragement to drink at networking events and when dealing with clients etc.

But you know what, I honestly think that is almost every industry. I mean, the publishing industry has book-launching parties with open bars, and writers are notorious drunks! The construction industry has a lot of people who head to the bars as soon as they get off their shift. Even homemakers... there's a trend for them to write memoirs about getting together for "mommy dates" which are really just drinking while the kids play, and books like "Memoirs of an Alcoholic Housewife."

So really I think it is just an excuse our alcoholic minds feed us: I HAVE to drink or I will not fit in in my industry/with my peers, all of which revolves around drinking. No it doesn't!! Sure, there is always alcohol and always people who drink but I also know there are people who do not drink... we just gravitate towards the ones who do! It's not like we will be banned from our professions for not drinking... we may even inspire someone else to step away from the alcohol and do the "cool new thing" of ordering an iced tea instead! It is OURSELVES we are not comfortable with, not our chosen profession (or if so, perhaps there's a reason we chose that profession...)

Anyway, I'm just saying to think about your goals and priorities ahead of "what everyone else is doing." You can do this-- stand out and be different and do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Best wishes.

[Pigtails]

Originally Posted by MesoFreak

I have heard and read in various locations that in order to be successfully promoted at these firms one must attend these events to socialize outside of work. If your brother works for a big four, I am certain he is successful, but I am wondering what level he has stayed at?

I wish you the best in your struggles with alcohol, and me also.

Sure, maybe there's a requirement for networking or socializing, but there is NO requirement to drink! In fact you would be surprised that most people (who don't have drinking problems!!) don't even notice when or what other people are drinking. It really is not as big of a deal as our mind makes it out to be. Believe me... I work in an industry where schmoozing is required to a certain extent (certainly when I worked at a big firm there were required networking and political events etc.), and alcohol is always readily available, but NOT EVERYONE drinks. Take a look the next time you are at one of these events. Not everyone is drinking... certainly not everyone is drinking to excess... and if you cannot handle your alcohol (which is something we here all have in common) then you will do WAY more damage to your career by continuing to drink "just to fit in" or even trying to modify your drinking-- it doesn't work for most alcoholics. So why chance it... why be so attached to alcohol that you really think you can't give it up for your career-- it really does not have anything to do with your career. I stopped drinking and while a few people in my industry raised their eyebrows at me, it was because they knew my reputation for drinking... but I didn't get kicked out of any professional "clubs," I didn't lose clients, I didn't lose my job or co-workers... in fact I think I even gained some of their respect.

[MesoFreak]

Originally Posted by artsoul

I wouldn't worry too much about the social events that are months/years down the road. In fact, the more you stay in today, the easier it will be - at least that's what I found to be true for me. Find a way to stay sober today - that's all you have to do.

Being sober is progressive, just like drinking..... you'll have more strength and experience by the time the future gets here.

I really like this one! My approach is to take it day by day, and see what happens when the time comes.

[MesoFreak]

Originally Posted by Pigtails

So really I think it is just an excuse our alcoholic minds feed us: I HAVE to drink or I will not fit in in my industry/with my peers, all of which revolves around drinking. No it doesn't!! Sure, there is always alcohol and always people who drink but I also know there are people who do not drink... we just gravitate towards the ones who do!

I am certain that not everyone drinks in my industry, I am saying those that do get promoted easier. Because like you said, "we just gravitate towards the ones who do!". I am willing to bet those that do drink with there bosses, play golf with them, enjoy cigars, etc. are more likely to get promoted than those individuals that do not partake in the above. I know we have all enjoyed a good whiskey, and you know what sometimes there are meetings with a good whiskey and wine where input on the beverage may be necessary.

I can't remember which article it was that I was reading a few years ago, but I do remember there was a lady that did not drink wine, and had to represent her company. When the prospective client asked if she wanted wine, she said no thanks, she doesn't drink. Turns out the man loved wine and was a big wine connoisseur, he refused to sit at the meeting with her and hence did not do business with her company. Conducting business over alcohol may seem stupid, but it is still done. People judge other character by their taste in a certain beverage, or type of drink they have.

Originally Posted by Pigtails

It's not like we will be banned from our professions for not drinking... we may even inspire someone else to step away from the alcohol and do the "cool new thing" of ordering an iced tea instead! It is OURSELVES we are not comfortable with, not our chosen profession (or if so, perhaps there's a reason we chose that profession...)

I agree, we will not be banned from our careers, people will just think there is something wrong with us. lol, which technically there is. I am just saying that I do believe it will be more challenging to climb the corporate ladder is all.

That would be cool wouldn't it: to start a new trend on non-drinking. I am popular, but I don't know if I am popular enough to have people follow me in that trend.

[Uninvited]

I worked for the big 4 right out of college (was the big 6 then) and the drinking is no worse or better than any other place I have worked in the last two decades. You take a few clients to lunch, and nobody drinks anything alcoholic. You may have to go to a few afterwork parties once in a while, but its the same as most jobs.

[MesoFreak]

I am not in this career yet, but have heard of the social gatherings. My friend said he was going to take me to a Merill Lynch event sometime so I could see how awesome they are. He is a responsible drinker that stops at max 3 or 4, and doesn't keep bottles at home. As I said before, I am going to quit drinking for now and hope to last at least two years, the remaining time at school without touching any alcohol. College is full of temptation, I figure if I can say no for two years, I might be mature enough to become a social drinker, with limits like my friend. But then again after two years, I may never want to touch a drink again. I wont know until the time comes, but for now thanks for the support and suggestions.

[MesoFreak]

Originally Posted by Uninvited

I worked for the big 4 right out of college (was the big 6 then) and the drinking is no worse or better than any other place I have worked in the last two decades. You take a few clients to lunch, and nobody drinks anything alcoholic. You may have to go to a few afterwork parties once in a while, but its the same as most jobs.

That was sometime ago, I hope it still applies, and that you are correct nonetheless.

[nonblondechef]

MF - is accounting and finance the career path you want for yourself? You mentioned "mechanic" - was/is that something that still interests you? Just curious about your options.

[MesoFreak]

Originally Posted by nonblondechef

MF - is accounting and finance the career path you want for yourself? You mentioned "mechanic" - was/is that something that still interests you? Just curious about your options.

I used to be a mechanic for about two years, several years ago. I have not studied it, nor done it professionally for sometime. I am well into my career in accounting/finance that I want to finish. I am still interested in mechanics, but I never finished what I started (including mechanics), I want to finish this path no matter what.

[CarolD]

Place...a cocktail lounge/restaurant close to the White House.
.well known for networking.
Anew political group hadjust come to Washington

A man came into the lounge mid day...along with his Secret Service guys
Intrduced himself and asked that no matter what he or anyone ordered

he wanted only water on the rocks with a twist of lemon.
Chaarge him for alcoholic drinks..no problem..
Said he wanted to remember what was talked about so he could
report to the President
.
I have no reason to think he might be a drinker...but he was
indeed networking without alcohol. for 8 years...