I can't change my mind :(

[walkingwithgod]

I know that I drink too much, and that I hide it from my wife. My wife asked that I only drink 1 or 2 when she is around, as I come home and get a buzz on before she arrives home with our daughter 2 hours later. Instead I am hiding beers and having them before she arrives home. I feel terrible and just want to have clarity, but I feel that I cannot live a sober life that would be fun. I look at my 3 year old and feel that daddy is letting her down. I know I have posted many times about this and have done nothing, but had to write. I had 3 days sober a few weeks ago and felt good and proud.

[doggonecarl]

Originally Posted by walkingwithgod

I feel that I cannot live a sober life that would be fun.

What is "fun" about your drinking life now?

[bbthumper]

Have you considered AA?

[suki44883]

From another poster on another thread...

Some of the "assumptions" I see you and others buying into is that there is no fun but party fun and the rest is boring. Look, drinking and its results are done in the dark for a reason folks!

Organize any of these and the cost is covered by what you spent on drinking.

Get together with some folks to form a group to take scuba diving lessons once or twice a week, and then when certified dive local water and take dive trips to wherever you fancy. You can't safely drink and dive, and real divers tend to not be drunks. You can't drink with your breathing apparatus in your mouth, etc.

Take up riding horses and take proper English tack lessons once or twice a week. Compete in western gymkhanas if you prefer that style.

Train to run, bike, shoot, swim, sail, fly, canoe, skydive - competitively or just for pleasure.

There are many things you can do to keep life from being boring, but you have to actually DO them. Sober life is only boring if you allow it to be.

[FredG]

It's hard to concieve that it's possible to have fun without drinking. So much of our society is based around drinking. "hoisting a few with the boys (or girls)" Celebrating a promotion, etc.

I didn't take too long though, that I found socializing much more appealing, when it was with others that didn't drink. Going to a dance, actually dancing and remembering where I parked. Not having to deal with pissed off friends and family the next day because I'd done something or other.

I love rock-climbing - can you imagine doing this drunk. 700 feet up and believing I'm the best climber in the world?

[finallygotout]

wwg,
Ive been following your posts,Ive been there.. The lying is just going to make it worse, it becomes a vicious cycle. most of us here have lost our closest relationships to this nasty beast. The problem is your only seeing what you see, not what everyone else is seeing. If you want to know what your wife might be seeing go to the friends and family section and read, it still makes me sick to my stomach to read some of the posts. That being said, This is your decision, Your the only one in your skin. You posted awhile back about exercise, what happened to that? Maybe try something new. You said you have two hours before your wife and child get home, what a great opportunity for you. I know for me, if i dont walk in the door put my workout stuff on and go workout i wont, even not drinking. It isnt easy, but what worthwhile is? It doesnt matter what you start with just start and youll figure out what works for you. Just like making a commitment to not picking up that first drink. My last 1 beer lasted me 11 years. Take care of yourself. good luck wwg were all here for you.

[Fenris]

Guilt and shame are things that every alcoholic is familiar with. You're not a bad person..but you are sick; and if you're sick, you have to find a way to get well. It doesn't sound like you're having too much "fun" to me, but I do remember thinking that same thought before I committed to sobriety. I also found that I couldn't get sober on my own -- three days was about the best I could do. Rehab, therapy, AA and this message board saved my life, but only after I was truly willing to give up my "fun" and try a new way of living. I hope you find a solution that works for you so that you can be well too.

--Fenris.

[gaffo]

Realizing that I could have fun without drinking, even when other people are drinking, was one of the biggest breakthroughs of my life. I would have quit anyways but what an awesome unexpected bonus. Drinking really screws with "having fun". When you're enjoying yourself you're plastered, making an ass of yourself, and not remembering stuff. Then when it's over you feel like crap. Wash, rinse, repeat. I have an 8 year old and a 6 year old and I wanted to be able to do whatever I needed to protect them at any time not drunk driving to ER or other crazy child endangerment scenarios (I'm sure you can think of a few). Bonus:I enjoy their company more without the drinking cycle for more reasons than I can list. More non drinking fun!

Three days was great, WWG, those were some tough days but were they worse than a "hairy dog of shame" hangover/binge? I think you can do this. A world of unexpected fun awaits you and your family.

[walkingwithgod]

I used to run for fun in High School and loved it. I remember being in good shape, and I never drank back them. I went to college and did not fit in so I joined a fraternity and started my path of drinking to feel comfortable. I would loved to get in shape enough to run a 5K on Thanksgiving and have my wife and parents be proud of me.

[FredG]

Originally Posted by walkingwithgod

I used to run for fun in High School and loved it. I remember being in good shape, and I never drank back them. I went to college and did not fit in so I joined a fraternity and started my path of drinking to feel comfortable. I would loved to get in shape enough to run a 5K on Thanksgiving and have my wife and parents be proud of me.

Only you can make this happen. We can help, but you have to commit to the path. AA, SMART, AVRT.

[Someguy23]

There's a saying that you get hungry by eating.

I thought there was no way I could enjoy a party without drinking. Then I tried it and it was fine from the start. I focused on being outgoing the way I was when drunk, and I found I could be outgoing while sober too.

I thought I might not need alcohol to party but I need it to relax by myself. Then I tried it. It took a bit longer to be honest, but I found ways to relax without drinking. It took some trial and error, but it is possible. Try new activities, new foods and beverages, new types of shows, something will click.

Good luck

P.S.

Originally Posted by FredG

I love rock-climbing - can you imagine doing this drunk.

This is off-topic but... I don't have to imagine it. I've done rock-climbing drunk, and I mean really drunk. I don't recommend it.

[walkingwithgod]

I guess I have to decide what it is best for my family and myself. Today I will not drink and I will start there. I feel like I am killing my body and mind with booze, and fear I won't live long. I am only 34, and am out of shape and sluggish. I need to spend drinking time exercising. I have a golf tournament with clients tomorrow, and people will be drinking and expecting me to drink. No sure what to do. I have to play.

[tswhite]

i know exactly how you feel OP, last night it took everything in my not to have a drink when i watched on of my fav reality shows(yes, i have shows that are planned around a drink) things seem soo much funnier when i have a drink and discuss the show with friends. 1st time watching it sober, i discovered that its really not that entertaining, lol!

[walkingwithgod]

I feel like alcohol takes away the anxiety and lets me relax and enjoy things. But, the next day I feel depressed, anxious and sad that I am drinking myself to an early grave.

[Pondlady]

You can drink with your clients....just not alcohol. Try a club soda with lime.....they probably won't even notice.

I agree with the earlier post, read the friends and family forums to see what your wife sees..........it isn't "fun" for her and it won't be "fun" for you if you lose her and your daughter. You can do this!

[artsoul]

I know it's hard to imagine a life without alcohol right now. I felt the same way, that my drinking time was the one bright spot in my day. Of course, drinking (the hangovers, cravings, depression, anxiety etc.) was also the reason the rest of the day was difficult.

The problem is that we're not really solving anything - when the buzz has worn off, we're no happier than when we started. Whatever "fix" we got from alcohol without continues to elude us from within. In a way, it handicaps us because now we feel like we need it to be happy, so we don't really enjoy anything without it.

Happiness/fun in sobriety is different - more like that feeling you had on day 3 where you were really proud of yourself - but it really does get better and better. I know you're worried about the golf thing, but just try to focus on what you can do today. Sending prayers and hugs.....

[walkingwithgod]

I have read the family and friends forum and it makes me sad what is happening to these people. I don't want to do this to my family. I have no real control.

[soberjim]

Sure you do... SR, AA, AVRT. Just put your family first and do it man.

Jim

[walkingwithgod]

What is AVRT? How does it work?

[soberjim]

Check under the secular section, you will find it there.

WWG..please don't take my last post as unsympathetic. You are posting here. That is excellent. I can tell by the responses you are receiving support and information.

You know you have lots of positives in your life. Don't let alcohol get in the way. Explore various methods. YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK, BELEIVE IN YOURSELF.

Kepp posting,

Jim