And on the 36th day...

[Rochford]

Hi, my name is Lydia and this is my first post on soberrecovery.com.

I just turned 31 a week ago and I had been drinking daily since my 21st birthday. For the last five years or so I had been drinking anywhere from a 12 pack of beer to two liters of wine a day, to the point where my tolerance was ridiculously high. I remained functional, though, holding down good jobs and participating in daily life outside the home. I drank alone, not in a social setting. 36 days ago I quit cold turkey. My boyfriend, whom I live with, is a lifelong alcoholic who recently got in trouble with the law due to alcohol and, to make a long story short, had to quit or go to jail. He's currently in a drug court program and has to go to rehab five days a week, AA four times a week, and submit to weekly urine tests. I, on the other hand, had no real incentive to quit... I just grew sick of waking up hungover with no energy, constant pain in my abdomen from heavy alcohol abuse, weight gain, and constant feelings of worthlessness. So one day I just didn't buy a 12-pack, and one day turned into two, then a week, etc. etc. It was, and is, incredibly challenging, but I'm doing it, day by day.

I was very productive during the first week or two of sobriety, busying myself around the house with projects that I had been too drunk to bother with previously... but I seem to have reached a plateau. I lost 20 pounds, which was pretty awesome (I've been moderately overweight since puberty), but the weight loss has stopped. To sum it up, I feel like the honeymoon period is over. I have struggled with severe depression since my teens, and the alcohol was my way of making it go away. I have a full-time, VERY stressful job and alcohol was my way of unwinding after work. Finally, it's not just me going through this rough transition, but my living partner as well, who is sober for the first time in 35 years (we are constantly at each others throats)! It's taking all the strength I can muster to walk past the beer cooler and reach for the soda. I am interested in hearing how others with similar pasts and experiences have dealt with these situations.

Anyway, I just felt like I had to get all that off my chest, and since I'm most comfortable conversing through internet forums, I'm very thankful to have found this site and am now going to go back to reading the threads. I am finding a lot of inspiration here during a very difficult time.

Peace,
Lydia

[raf]

Welcome aboard, this is a great place full of useful info. I'm only on day 19 myself.

On a side note (if Fort Edward is where I think it is), are the dirt dogs still as good as I remember?

[Rochford]

Originally Posted by raf

Welcome aboard, this is a great place full of useful info. I'm only on day 19 myself.

On a side note (if Fort Edward is where I think it is), are the dirt dogs still as good as I remember?

Upstate New York (Are you thinking of The Dog Shack? 3 for $1.79, can't beat the price!)

Thanks for the welcome!!

[Hope4Life]

Welcome to SR, Lydia. Congratulations on your sobriety!

We are all in the same boat here, so if you need a shoulder to lean on just log in and post. Browsing threads will give you many tools to help yourself through this.

Stay Strong!

[artsoul]

Welcome, Lydia!

Congrats on your sober time! I can relate to your post - especially the depression and the stress. I found that both got somewhat better after I stopped drinking, but did end up getting medical help for the depression. I'm also doing mindfulness, which really helps me deal with my feelings/thoughts.

The support here is another thing that helped me immensely. Early sobriety has a lot of ups and downs (and for me, lots of cravings), but just try to stay in the moment and take things as they come. Welcome to the forum!

[sugarbear1]

glad you are at SR!

I also had depression and anxiety, but I was desperate enough to try something like the 12 steps and they really worked and took away both my depression and anxiety.

Find a program to work and work it well!!

Hugs & love,

[Anna]

Welcome, Lydia!

I'm glad you posted. I didn't have a honeymoon period with my recovery. My early recovery was full of guilt and shame, which I gradually dealt with and moved on, so my 'feeling better' was gradual. It takes some time to get used to unwinding using healthy methods and to deal with life's ups and downs as they come.

I also dealt with depression for many years before I began drinking, so had to find a way to get the depression treated before I could recover. It could be that you might benefit by talking to your dr about your depression.

[Hevyn]

Glad you joined the family, Lydia. SR has been a miracle for me. Wonderful people with great advice. We all understand each other the way no one else can. Please keep posting!

[least]

Welcome to a wonderful recovery site. Lots of good experience and hope here. I live alone so can't advise you but wish you strength to stay sober.

[raf]

Originally Posted by Rochford

Upstate New York (Are you thinking of The Dog Shack? 3 for $1.79, can't beat the price!)

Thanks for the welcome!!

No, neway aka dirty johns... I grew up in queensbury. 2 things I miss from there are neway and talk of the town...

[Rochford]

Thank you so much for the warm welcome, everyone. I moved to my current town a little over a year ago to live with my boyfriend and aside from my coworkers, I don't socialize much. I'm happy to have stumbled across this community. The last week or so has been very rough for me and I'm sure I'm going to be spending a lot of time here!

Lydia

[Rochford]

Originally Posted by raf

No, neway aka dirty johns... I grew up in queensbury. 2 things I miss from there are neway and talk of the town...

I almost went to Talk of the Town a couple of days ago! I just moved here a year or so ago... I don't get out much, I'm too busy working, but I hear it's great!

[kittycat3]

welcome! Good for you on your 36 days. Don't let the fizzled excitement of sobriety get you to slip - think about whether you were happy when drinking that daily 12 pack, bet you can't say that you were! Drinking again will not bring you happiness, in fact quite the opposite - it's a mirage.

[IndaMiricale]

Welcome to SR , You found a great place here.

Keep reading and posting , I look forward to getting to watch your journey.

And I was definatley drank socially ... Every time someone said I have another I followed with so shal I ...

[BruceJ]

Lydia, you might want to google "post accute withdrawal syndrome".

I think you'll find that you, and your boyfriend's, attitudes/feelings are quite normal at this stage.

All the best...

[NoFireWater]

Thanks for the laugh Inda, I'd never heard that one before lol

Welcome Lydia, and congrats on 36 days! I used drinking to "unwind" too, but it seemed to "wind" me tighter than ever. I'm at almost the same number of days as you are, and I can honestly say I'm more relaxed and able to deal with the work stress a whole lot better sober. Now I unwind by coming here at the end of the day. It's a way more calm and peaceful way of life.

Sorry you're having to go through this with your boyfriend doing it at the same time unvoluntarily. That's got to be hard. Weasel may have some ideas for you, as he's going through quitting with someone else as well...

[blueshades]

Congrats, Rochford, on reaching 36 days of sobriety. I agree with those who have said that this site is a great companion to anything else you're doing to help yourself now. I also used booze to deal with work-related stress. The problem was that the stress never really got better, only worse with time! I know that the stress will still be there but I look forward to a time in my life where I can replace drinking with more healthy habits, like hiking!

Welcome to SR and all the best to you.

[instant]

My recovery has taught me that alcohol eroded my capacity to cope and increased my emotional reactivity, and anxiety responsiveness. I can now see that I was on my way to being hollowed out emotionally, coarse and garrulous. That's alcohol for you. The good news is with time it all goes away. It takes time and there are tough patches. On balance sobriety beats the alternative hands down.

[Rochford]

I've been reading articles about PAWS all morning I can now say with certainty that's what's going on in my head. Very daunting, but at least now I can put a name with it. Thanks!