I have the tools, just don't use them correctly

[fallingtogether]

I have all the tools I need, right at my fingertips. I just don't use them. I didn't pick up the phone yesterday when I picked up the wine. I know better. I'm not beating myself up, I guess I just thought since I screwed up two times this week, why not make it a third? Well, I need to use those tools properly. I have the biggest desire to quit drinking. I just had another moment of weakness, routine, patterns, blah. Blah blah! I know what I need to do- and on e again I'm doing it. Sitting with my kids at the park right now. Happy to be sober. And happy tht yesterday happened, so I know yet again why I wanting want to drink. Thanks for always encouraging and being supportive, lord knows I need it. Thanks again... Sarah

[fallingtogether]

**why I don't want to drink** typing this from my phone, sorry

[Mizzuno]

I have been there so many times. I empathize with you. You got this Chardonnay. Keep posting.

[neferkamichael]

Chardonnay, I have the tools too, but being a ambivalent procrastinator is driving my crazy.

[instant]

Chardonnay
It's a learning game. I made the same mistakes many times over. I found knowing a bit about AVRT helped

Keep at it. Sobriety is a better way, but it is tough in the beginning

[iWillBSobr]

You have exactly the right attitude. You're thinking about what happened and your taking notes. You haven't lost the war, you got more fight left in you than alcoholism can handle. Keep going!

[Rochford]

You have already the most important tool -- the DESIRE to quit. You WILL succeed!

[fallingtogether]

its just absolutely ridiculous! i had such great momentum, hardly even thought about drinking, just was so elated at how well i was feeling, then boom three times in 4 days? its frustrating, but i am totally not living in last night or the other nights, i am living in the sober me. trying to convince myself that there is no real pressure here. its a choice. its my choice. no one can make that choice for me, but me. why is it when we are told no, wither by ourselves or someone else, we feel we need to play god and tempt fate? it is quite ridiculous! have a great sober night sr! im going to keep reading!

[Anna]

I'm glad you're here and working on your recovery.

[Hevyn]

Chardonnay - I believe you will get there. I was the same way for quite a while, but finally this last time was it. I got tired of the game and just stopped trying to play. I lost every time. Glad you are here talking about it truthfully.

You can do it, we know that.

[IndaMiricale]

Glad you keep posting about whats going on.

Wishing you well. Glad your sober today.

[fallingtogether]

thanks inda! yep! i am sober watching shark week and drinking water. getting sleepy.... thats something i love, getting tired on my own. not passing out. oh yeah, on a side note, my wedding ring is fitting better.. looser.... love it! cant wait to see what i can report next saturday! yay!

[IndaMiricale]

I look forward to what you might report tomorrow

That is awesome about your ring , I was one of the opposites and gained weight after quitting. But for me dont care , I take the couple extra pounds to just be free the the old daily torture.

Sleep well. And I love shark week. lol.

[freshstart57]

Chardonnay, a trick that I find very useful is the idea that any thought about drinking or buying wine or beer comes from the addict inside me, but not really from 'me'. I can hear that you know this idea, since you talk about it here.

We are told no, wither by ourselves or someone else, we need to tempt fate (and have a drink).

That voice you describe is both - it is us and it is someone else at the same time, it is the addiction voice inside our head.

I find that when I assign that voice away from me, it makes it so much easier to be separate from it. I recognize that voice whenever I hear, you deserve a drink after all that, it's ok to have one or two, you've already had two so why not three, you will never be able to do quit, all of these suggestions of self doubt and drinking are the Alcoholic Voice.

It's a choice. It's my choice. and no one can make that choice for me, but me.

You betcha. You are in control just by identifying that voice and exposing it for what it is. You do have the power to make that choice. Just make that plan, that choice once and for all: I will never drink again. You can do it, you really can.