Wow

[EH21]

When I decided to start working on myself and my addiction I don't think I realized how much alcoholism had really taken over my life. I definitely didn't realize how much of a process this would be. Last weekend I relapsed. I don't know why I did it. I was doing really well. Monday would have been a month. And this week I noticed that I really didn't feel well. I've been tired. I can't seem to concentrate. I'm irritable and two seconds later I'm happy then two seconds later I'm depressed. It actually really started affecting my work so
I did a little research and found that I could be suffering from PAWS. Then I did a little more research on PAWS and I'm really taken back by everything I learned. It's a TWO YEAR physical process? I know now why addiction is considered a disease. I can't believe I actually threw my brain so outta wack that it's going to take so much time for it to rewire itself back to normal. And it may never even get to normal again. I'm a little disappointed. And I'm afraid because I don't know how much of an impact this will have on my job, my relationships and my life. I don't want to constantly be reminded of my addiction. If I'm overly tired or in a bad mood I don't want to have to think "Is this PAWS?" I'm also bipolar. How do I differentiate? I'm kind of lost now. I don't know how to help myself through this process. I assumed that if I cut the alcohol out, my life and myself would soon return to normal. Don't take that the wrong way. I'm no less determined to be sober. I feel much better and my life is much better. I want this. And I will work for this. I see now why people attend meetings.

[mecanix]

I can quite believe that PAWS might take 2 years to work through .

A month, 30 days is a great achievement, dust yourself off and carry on getting better .

I know for me, if i think too hard about the future it screws me up now with anxiety and dread that i won't achieve anything, if i do the antithesis of that and live in the past toxic resentments about what i or others did grow, which is'nt healthy. I have humanly tried my best to make amends for the past and leave it, whats done is done .

So i've had to learn how to be content and happy focusing on now. So if i have PAWS, is there anything useful i can do about it ? other than not having another drink , i'd not want to prolong the affair after all .

If one wants a glorious sober life i doubt if it's going to fall into you or my lap's , with right thought and right action, it may come about with time . It's certainly better than hiding in a bottle .

Bestwishes, M

[Tiggy]

what is PAWs?

[mecanix]

PAWS = post acute withdrawl syndrome .

[2granddaughters]

Welcome to recovery EH21.

You may want to look up your local AA number in the phone book and give them a call.

I remember when I was in rehab in '89 and the old priest saying the Brentwood Program was a 1yr-3yr-5yr program... I thought to myself "He must mean 1week-3week-5week".

All the best.

Bob R

[Tiggy]

OK now I understand

[NoFireWater]

Wow-I didn't realize it was that long a process either. I've had those bouts too where I'm just feeling "off" and figured it was a PAWS related thing. They do pass, usually by following day. I've just been dealing with it by taking it easy. When it affects work, I just do double time the next day. If I'm tired, I take a nap. I'm at the same point as you are so it is overwhelming to know how long it may take (if ever) to get fully back to normal.

[sugarbear1]

Rehab told me it could be as long as one month for every year of using/drinking. A small price to pay for our self-inflicted damage.