My defining moment

[Weasel1966]

I get a lot out of writing about what I am working at in my life. Being abstinent is the single most important thing I can do for myself.

This is a defining moment in my life.

Defining..... I read that back and it sounds funny to me. Defining.

Alcohol has defined me for a long time now. It has been many moments, It has characterize me to others as a fool, unreliable, and sad. It has supported my many false beliefs in myself. It has reinforced bad relationships. It has spoken for me when I chose to be silent.

"it" has defined a great many things even I cannot yet see. Things others never shared out of pity or fear or just plain indifference.

The only thing about being abstinent now is that I get to define me. It's my words people hear. It's my work people see. It's my joy and sadness in the raw.

If I wanted to redefine something. Let's say my cat Henry. Start to treat him as a dog. Feed him dog food. Get him a bone. Try and walk him. I could not of course. He's a cat. A friendly loving fuzzy diabetic cat. That's his definition.

So what makes me think I can redefine myself as anything other than an alcoholic?

I am not sure I want to.

I realize that in my pursuit I have been trying to redefine myself as something I am not. I suppose thats acceptance. Or at the very least acknowledgment of the obvious.

I will accept my definition as an alcoholic and not try and change it other than to be a sober one.

I suppose that's all we can do.

[Mizzuno]

Hey there. Alcoholism is not the the sole definition of who you are in this world. I can not only be a alcoholic. I am a wife and step-mother, I am a loving friend, a hard worker, runner.....I am a ton of things. I am also a person who has alcoholic behaviors and can't drink. Drinking helps me to be a terrible wife, a lousy friend, a absent sister......So, not to negate the fact that defining yourself as a Alcoholic is helpful but it is not the only thing that you are. You are so much more my friend!

[lilyrosemary]

instead of redefining...maybe think of it as upgrading? that's how i think about it sometimes. upgrading and optimizing. i don't really want to permanently kill of the old me, she can hang around somewhere in the recesses, to remind me of how not to be, and she had her good qualities too that struggled to surface but usually drugs and alcohol and bad decisions got in the way....best wishes God bless

[FredG]

I happened to be walking by a church one day and overheard the preacher talking about 'Higher Powers'. He said that "your Higher Power can be whatever you turn to for guidance at any point in time".

At the time, I didn't pay much attention, but later it suddenly dawned on me that towards the end of my drinking career I was using alcohol as my higher power. I'd turn to it for everything. When I felt good - I drank. When I felt bad - I drank. When I suceeded at something - I drank. When I failed - I drank. When mad - I drank. Absolutely everything - I drank. Alcohol had become my God. I wouldn't say it defined who I was, but it sure as heck helped.

FYI - I've switched Higher Powers, but ultimatly it's myself who decides which path to follow. I make use of lots of guidance, most of it from God as I chose to understand Him, but whether I chose to take that guidance is my decision. I decide who I'm going to be. Not some exterior motivation, whether that be my past, alcohol, what the world thinks I should be. Me

Alcoholism is a disease. Defined as such by medical associations world wide, including the American Medical Association. How you battle that disease, is totally up to you but why would you let a disease define who you are?

You are who you chose to be. You are who you mold yourself into. There's lots of help and guidance but it's you who chose your path.

[benice]

This thread is very thought provoking, Ken. But with a goal of keeping things a little simpler today, I am going to spend my day with the thought that I am upgrading. That makes me smile. Thanks Lilyrosemary…

[RobbyRobot]

Originally Posted by Weasel1966

If I wanted to redefine something. Let's say my cat Henry. Start to treat him as a dog. Feed him dog food. Get him a bone. Try and walk him. I could not of course. He's a cat. A friendly loving fuzzy diabetic cat. That's his definition.

I realize that in my pursuit I have been trying to redefine myself as something I am not. I suppose thats acceptance. Or at the very least acknowledgment of the obvious.

I will accept my definition as an alcoholic and not try and change it other than to be a sober one.

Yeah. I'm an alcoholic too. A recovered alcoholic drug addict to be sure, lol. No problemo.

Awesome share, Ken.

Susie, our 15 yr old cat sends greetings to Henry.

[Weasel1966]

Of course I don't think I am solely defined by drinking. I am an all around nice guy too but the drinking is why I am here.... Why I am sharing to the world on the net.

With that definition goes a whole new life. I turning point in an otherwise straight road.

My point was I realize that I keep trying to change the definition of it all. Say I can moderate. Say I am not an alcoholic. No matter how it's defined it's the effects that tell the tale.

I am stopping all the deflections. Accepting it. Learn to live with it. And move on to the next big adventure now that I am getting my life back.

Clearly all this is mental masturbation. But sometimes a little self gratification is required.

[Weasel1966]

Well I just got a call from my doctor for my blood work. I have very high iron due to drinking. It's still very high. My attempts to not drink have not been enough. Even a little for me is bad.

So I guess the hell with any definition I want to place. The proof is in front of me.

He asked me in such a hopeful way " do you think you can stop drinking for at least 4 weeks so we can avoid a liver biopsy?"

Sure doc....no sweat!

[mecanix]

I'm an alcoholic before anything else because if i forget i will die .

Bestwishes, M

[RobbyRobot]

Originally Posted by weasel1966

sure doc....no sweat!

hell yeah!!