Indecision - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

justhadenough · 08-11-2012, 09:09 AM

Has anyone found it difficult to make a serious decision when sober.I'm 6 weeks tomorrow and for the first time in a long time I feel mentally stronger and in control.

I'm a sahm at the moment (pre-schooler)and my husband works full time. I've just been offered a job and really can't decide whether to take it or not

On one hand I'm scared being in a pressurized environment will compromise my sobriety but on the other a new challenge/new focus could be a good thing.The money will obviously be useful but I'm nervous about putting my child in childcare fulltime.

I know no one can answer or decide for me-I just can't decide.Maybe writing it down will help me clarify. I don't recall ever being so indecisive before and just feel in turmoil.

***Anna*** · 08-11-2012, 09:35 AM

Well, it's a very big decision you are about to make, so it's bound to be a bit confusing. Maybe you could try to write a list of pros and cons and see if that helps to sort it out.

Deserto · 08-11-2012, 09:42 AM

Hi Just, I agree with Anna -- it's a big decision, so maybe being sober has nothing to do with the indecisiveness? Or maybe being sober is allowing you to see that it is a big decision?

I think making a list of pros and cons is good advice. I also think sometimes it's helpful to step back and ask, "What do I want my life to look like?" Sometimes those bigger questions help us to see past immediate decisions (like whether or not to take the job) and see how those decisions fit into larger goals.

Whatever you decide, you can rest assured that making the decision sober means you'll have thought it through. Good luck!

justhadenough · 08-11-2012, 10:19 AM

Thanks Anna & Deserto

Deserto,you have mentioned key point.We are planning on leaving the area in the next couple of years to be closer to family so it would probably be short term thing so it doesn't fit into long term goals, it's more a short term financial issue and something for me to focus on but I think if we do move what is the point.However, if we don't move then I would want to stay longer.They are aware of this and it suits their needs too.

You are right though,being sober is making me think about it more thoroughly-I@m just scared of making the wrong decision-I don't know what that is

freshstart57 · 08-11-2012, 10:55 AM

I do what Anna says sometimes, but I try to look at it from all sides, like this: take the job, pros and cons. Don't take the job, pros and cons. If there is no big downside to either option, then it doesn't matter which way you go - just pick one and be determined that it will work out for the best.

Another way, sort of a mindfulness trick, is to flip a coin. In the instant the coin is in the air and before you know how it has landed, your mind will have told you which way it hopes things will go. Do that.

From what you said, I think you like the idea of a new challenge, JustHadEnough. It could be the kick in the pants you are looking for.

NoFireWater · 08-11-2012, 11:40 AM

I say "go for it" and see if you like it. You can always quit if it doesn't work for your family. Would there be an option to go part time so you wouldn't have to keep your child in daycare all day everyday? It feels like changes help when you're trying to stay sober, doing new things instead of same old pattern.

justhadenough · 08-11-2012, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NoFireWater

I say "go for it" and see if you like it. You can always quit if it doesn't work for your family. Would there be an option to go part time so you wouldn't have to keep your child in daycare all day everyday? It feels like changes help when you're trying to stay sober, doing new things instead of same old pattern.

Hi NFW

Sorry,my post wasn't clear.It is only part time.When I refer to FT childcare I meant compared to nothing now. SOrry,I badly worded it.I could quit if it doesn't work out

Sapling · 08-11-2012, 11:54 AM

Hey justhadenough....I have to look at where sobriety falls on my priorty list....For me...I'm nothing without it. At six weeks sober I know I wasn't ready for taking on a new job....I was barely thinking straight. I don't know what your drinking history is...But for me...Recovery was my full time job for the first six months. I still work hard at it...But I love it.

spryte · 08-11-2012, 01:20 PM

Pros and cons lists are good.

Write some, let them sit, and write some more. Try and be honest about what you expect from the job.

Talk to people who know you and who you trust.

justhadenough · 08-11-2012, 01:28 PM

Thanks Sapling,tbh I prob drank less when I worked as I had to get up for work.

Thanks Spryte.I've talked to a couple of people but they advise to do what I think is best and I just don't know.

Decisions!!!

spryte · 08-11-2012, 02:14 PM

I hate making decisions too!! I feel much better after I have decided.

Maybe take a walk or sleep on it? sometimes that allows different feelings and thoughts to float up?

neferkamichael · 08-11-2012, 02:29 PM

Justhadenough, 6 weeks tomorrow? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. I found the new environments a lot easier to handle than old ones. If ya could use the extra cash, give it a try.

**Dee74** · 08-11-2012, 03:34 PM

I have every confidence you'll think this through JHE and come up with the right decision for you

congrats on 6 weeks!

D

08-11-2012, 09:09 AM	#1 (permalink)
justhadenough Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 1,179	Indecision Has anyone found it difficult to make a serious decision when sober.I'm 6 weeks tomorrow and for the first time in a long time I feel mentally stronger and in control. I'm a sahm at the moment (pre-schooler)and my husband works full time. I've just been offered a job and really can't decide whether to take it or not On one hand I'm scared being in a pressurized environment will compromise my sobriety but on the other a new challenge/new focus could be a good thing.The money will obviously be useful but I'm nervous about putting my child in childcare fulltime. I know no one can answer or decide for me-I just can't decide.Maybe writing it down will help me clarify. I don't recall ever being so indecisive before and just feel in turmoil.

08-11-2012, 09:35 AM	#2 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 27,830	Well, it's a very big decision you are about to make, so it's bound to be a bit confusing. Maybe you could try to write a list of pros and cons and see if that helps to sort it out. __________________ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Marianne Willianson

08-11-2012, 09:42 AM	#3 (permalink)
Deserto Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 803	Hi Just, I agree with Anna -- it's a big decision, so maybe being sober has nothing to do with the indecisiveness? Or maybe being sober is allowing you to see that it is a big decision? I think making a list of pros and cons is good advice. I also think sometimes it's helpful to step back and ask, "What do I want my life to look like?" Sometimes those bigger questions help us to see past immediate decisions (like whether or not to take the job) and see how those decisions fit into larger goals. Whatever you decide, you can rest assured that making the decision sober means you'll have thought it through. Good luck! __________________ On this glorious occasion...of the splendid defeat.

08-11-2012, 10:55 AM	#5 (permalink)
freshstart57 Self recovered Self discovered Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Toronto Canada Posts: 2,679	I do what Anna says sometimes, but I try to look at it from all sides, like this: take the job, pros and cons. Don't take the job, pros and cons. If there is no big downside to either option, then it doesn't matter which way you go - just pick one and be determined that it will work out for the best. Another way, sort of a mindfulness trick, is to flip a coin. In the instant the coin is in the air and before you know how it has landed, your mind will have told you which way it hopes things will go. Do that. From what you said, I think you like the idea of a new challenge, JustHadEnough. It could be the kick in the pants you are looking for. __________________ AVRT has shown me how to never drink again and to never change my mind.

08-11-2012, 02:29 PM	#12 (permalink)
neferkamichael Life Health Prosperity Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Louisana Posts: 2,076	Justhadenough, 6 weeks tomorrow? You are *FANTASTIC*. Congratulations. I found the new environments a lot easier to handle than old ones. If ya could use the extra cash, give it a try. __________________ Success is making yourself do the thing you need to do when you need to do it whether you like it or not. If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

08-11-2012, 10:19 AM	#4 (permalink)
justhadenough Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 1,179	Thanks Anna & Deserto Deserto,you have mentioned key point.We are planning on leaving the area in the next couple of years to be closer to family so it would probably be short term thing so it doesn't fit into long term goals, it's more a short term financial issue and something for me to focus on but I think if we do move what is the point.However, if we don't move then I would want to stay longer.They are aware of this and it suits their needs too. You are right though,being sober is making me think about it more thoroughly-I@m just scared of making the wrong decision-I don't know what that is

08-11-2012, 11:40 AM	#6 (permalink)
NoFireWater Clear Eyes Full Heart Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: New England Posts: 604	I say "go for it" and see if you like it. You can always quit if it doesn't work for your family. Would there be an option to go part time so you wouldn't have to keep your child in daycare all day everyday? It feels like changes help when you're trying to stay sober, doing new things instead of same old pattern.

08-11-2012, 11:54 AM	#8 (permalink)
Sapling AA Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Between Meetings Posts: 9,004	Hey justhadenough....I have to look at where sobriety falls on my priorty list....For me...I'm nothing without it. At six weeks sober I know I wasn't ready for taking on a new job....I was barely thinking straight. I don't know what your drinking history is...But for me...Recovery was my full time job for the first six months. I still work hard at it...But I love it.

08-11-2012, 01:20 PM	#9 (permalink)
spryte Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 832 Blog Entries: 58	Pros and cons lists are good. Write some, let them sit, and write some more. Try and be honest about what you expect from the job. Talk to people who know you and who you trust.

08-11-2012, 01:28 PM	#10 (permalink)
justhadenough Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 1,179	Thanks Sapling,tbh I prob drank less when I worked as I had to get up for work. Thanks Spryte.I've talked to a couple of people but they advise to do what I think is best and I just don't know. Decisions!!!

08-11-2012, 02:14 PM	#11 (permalink)
spryte Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 832 Blog Entries: 58	I hate making decisions too!! I feel much better after I have decided. Maybe take a walk or sleep on it? sometimes that allows different feelings and thoughts to float up?

08-11-2012, 03:34 PM	#13 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 65,579	I have every confidence you'll think this through JHE and come up with the right decision for you congrats on 6 weeks! D __________________

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