I'm back - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

quitforme79 · 08-04-2012, 04:34 PM

Hey everyone,
I disappeared for awhile...as you all may guess I went back to drinking. And it's now ruining my life. I am still functional, going to work and paying my bills etc but personally I feel like the world is closing in on me. I never go out drinking in fear I will make a fool of myself. That being said, my friends therefore don't know that I struggle with this addiction. I am a closet alcoholic and put myself together very well. It's like living to lives and it's effing draining. Last night I did go out after drinking at home first (didn't drive--I have always been good with that). Well let's just say I did shots which I stay away from and became beliggerent and made a real fool of myself. I don't remember the drive home and my friend got me there even though I was an A@@hole to him. I apologized, he wants nothing to do with me. 1st relationship ruined. I feel like a POS. The guilt, shame, embarassment I feel is overwhelming. And I really don't even want to feel like this again. And I know the only way I can prevent that is to stop drinking. I am so scared to commit to it. Living without the crutch. But I am even more scared that if I don't stop I will burn every bridge, never find someone to settle down with, never be happy, lose my job as this progresses...the list goes on and on and on. I am scared to be sober and try to fill my time without craving wine which has been my "buddy" and my anti-anxiety agent. I've been sober before and remember how wonderful it felt. Why did I go back? Because I am an alcoholic and I stopped doing my recovery methods (going to AA, coming here, exercising, hanging with sober people). I am sorry this is long, just reaching out and hoping for some support which I know you will all provide. I am very grateful for that. Here's hoping for a better day tomorrow.

**Dee74** · 08-04-2012, 04:40 PM

welcome back quit

I was scared to commit too...I didn't like my life much but it was the only one I knew.
I'm glad I faced my fear and trusted the people here who told me I'd never regret giving up for good.

I have a life - and a future - now I could never have envisaged in 2007.

Noone ever says - gee I'm glad I kept drinking...I would probably be dead now if I hadn't made that leap.

Tomorrow will be better...if you work to make it that way quit

Welcome back

D

***Anna*** · 08-04-2012, 04:42 PM

Hi and Welcome back!

This disease is relentless and it will continue to take everything from you unless you stop.

And, it gets harder and harder to get out of the downward spiral. Take a leap of faith and know that you will be able to live a sober life.

2granddaughters · 08-04-2012, 04:43 PM

"Because I am an alcoholic and I stopped doing my recovery methods"

Welcome back.

Get back to AA and commit to it.

All the best.

Bob R

GirlFromCO · 08-04-2012, 04:46 PM

Hey qfm! Glad you found your way back. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I also lost friends due to my drinking. I've found that actions truly speak louder than words, as the saying goes. Some of my friends did come back into my life (wary at first) when they saw how I was changing things. It did take some time, and some of them won't ever be back. I hope that your friend will forgive you with time like many of mine did. Remember how you felt when you were last sober? It's still possible. I relapsed so many times before I finally stopped, and now it's been over a year. If I can do it you can too. Hugs and congratulations on deciding to face your problem head on.

quitforme79 · 08-04-2012, 06:46 PM

Thanks so much everyone...I feel like I am home again just getting your support

It means the world to me. I know I can do this. Going to challenge myself one day at a time and hit the rooms like it's my job. Will keep you all posted (hugs)

Zebra1275 · 08-04-2012, 08:41 PM

Welcome back!

I'm not going to judge you for going back out, many of us stumbled on the way to sobriety. Whatever you've been doing didn't work, modify it and try again.

instant · 08-04-2012, 08:55 PM

Welcome back. It is a new day for everyone. All we can do is make each one count

CarolD · 08-04-2012, 08:58 PM

Welcome back...

I sure hope this will be your time for lasting sobreity..

mine began...after a few fresh starts....when I committed to
working and living the AA Steps...

ReadyAndAble · 08-04-2012, 09:05 PM

Glad you're back, quitforme. I'm very sorry about your friend, but am glad you're going to turn it around before things get even worse.

IndaMiricale · 08-04-2012, 09:31 PM

Welcome back. never give up.

**artsoul** · 08-04-2012, 11:08 PM

Glad you're back, quitforme! Don't get too down on yourself - most of us have had to find out the hard way (sometimes many times

). You can do this!

Quote:

“Scared and sacred are spelled with the same letters. Awful proceeds from the same root word as awesome. Terrify and terrific. Every negative experience holds the seed of transformation.”
― Alan Cohen

justhadenough · 08-04-2012, 11:41 PM

welcomeback quit

blueshades · 08-04-2012, 11:44 PM

Welcome back, qfm. I am new here myself (10 days) and have found the SR community to be so very helpful during my short recovery.

Your story sure sounded familiar: living a secret life and feeling drained. Feeling the shame associated with the whole thing. I have learned from that, just as you will learn from your past experiences.

I wish you all the luck in the days ahead.

08-04-2012, 04:34 PM	#1 (permalink)
quitforme79 Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: east coast Posts: 1,291	I'm back Hey everyone, I disappeared for awhile...as you all may guess I went back to drinking. And it's now ruining my life. I am still functional, going to work and paying my bills etc but personally I feel like the world is closing in on me. I never go out drinking in fear I will make a fool of myself. That being said, my friends therefore don't know that I struggle with this addiction. I am a closet alcoholic and put myself together very well. It's like living to lives and it's effing draining. Last night I did go out after drinking at home first (didn't drive--I have always been good with that). Well let's just say I did shots which I stay away from and became beliggerent and made a real fool of myself. I don't remember the drive home and my friend got me there even though I was an A@@hole to him. I apologized, he wants nothing to do with me. 1st relationship ruined. I feel like a POS. The guilt, shame, embarassment I feel is overwhelming. And I really don't even want to feel like this again. And I know the only way I can prevent that is to stop drinking. I am so scared to commit to it. Living without the crutch. But I am even more scared that if I don't stop I will burn every bridge, never find someone to settle down with, never be happy, lose my job as this progresses...the list goes on and on and on. I am scared to be sober and try to fill my time without craving wine which has been my "buddy" and my anti-anxiety agent. I've been sober before and remember how wonderful it felt. Why did I go back? Because I am an alcoholic and I stopped doing my recovery methods (going to AA, coming here, exercising, hanging with sober people). I am sorry this is long, just reaching out and hoping for some support which I know you will all provide. I am very grateful for that. Here's hoping for a better day tomorrow.

08-04-2012, 04:40 PM	#2 (permalink)
Dee74 SR Moderator Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: South Seas Posts: 65,646	welcome back quit I was scared to commit too...I didn't like my life much but it was the only one I knew. I'm glad I faced my fear and trusted the people here who told me I'd never regret giving up for good. I have a life - and a future - now I could never have envisaged in 2007. Noone ever says - gee I'm glad I kept drinking...I would probably be dead now if I hadn't made that leap. Tomorrow will be better...if you work to make it that way quit Welcome back D __________________

08-04-2012, 04:42 PM	#3 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 27,837	Hi and Welcome back! This disease is relentless and it will continue to take everything from you unless you stop. And, it gets harder and harder to get out of the downward spiral. Take a leap of faith and know that you will be able to live a sober life. __________________ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Marianne Willianson

08-04-2012, 04:43 PM	#4 (permalink)
2granddaughters in my 24th year of sobriety Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get Posts: 4,399	"Because I am an alcoholic and I stopped doing my recovery methods" Welcome back. Get back to AA and commit to it. All the best. Bob R __________________ . . .If you want to drink, that's your business ..... .If you want to quit, that's A.A.'s business. . . --- driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity. . . L.D. 1989

08-04-2012, 04:46 PM	#5 (permalink)
GirlFromCO Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Colorado Posts: 1,070	Hey qfm! Glad you found your way back. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I also lost friends due to my drinking. I've found that actions truly speak louder than words, as the saying goes. Some of my friends did come back into my life (wary at first) when they saw how I was changing things. It did take some time, and some of them won't ever be back. I hope that your friend will forgive you with time like many of mine did. Remember how you felt when you were last sober? It's still possible. I relapsed so many times before I finally stopped, and now it's been over a year. If I can do it you can too. Hugs and congratulations on deciding to face your problem head on. __________________ Living the dream

08-04-2012, 06:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
quitforme79 Member Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: east coast Posts: 1,291	Thanks so much everyone...I feel like I am home again just getting your support It means the world to me. I know I can do this. Going to challenge myself one day at a time and hit the rooms like it's my job. Will keep you all posted (hugs)

08-04-2012, 08:41 PM	#7 (permalink)
Zebra1275 Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 3,432	Welcome back! I'm not going to judge you for going back out, many of us stumbled on the way to sobriety. Whatever you've been doing didn't work, modify it and try again.

08-04-2012, 08:55 PM	#8 (permalink)
instant instant Join Date: May 2011 Location: Australia Posts: 4,260 Blog Entries: 5	Welcome back. It is a new day for everyone. All we can do is make each one count __________________ Let everyone be my teacher and RTFD May 15 2011

08-04-2012, 08:58 PM	#9 (permalink)
CarolD Forward we go...side by side Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 37,601	Welcome back... I sure hope this will be your time for lasting sobreity.. mine began...after a few fresh starts....when I committed to working and living the AA Steps... __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

08-04-2012, 09:05 PM	#10 (permalink)
ReadyAndAble Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: San Diego Posts: 4,125	Glad you're back, quitforme. I'm very sorry about your friend, but am glad you're going to turn it around before things get even worse.

08-04-2012, 09:31 PM	#11 (permalink)
IndaMiricale Powerless over Alcohol Join Date: May 2011 Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny! Posts: 4,020	Welcome back. never give up. __________________ "The only real thing in life are dreams, which nature cant touch with decay." Bob Dylan "Each day,somewhere in the world ,recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic , sharing experience,strength and hope."

08-04-2012, 11:41 PM	#13 (permalink)
justhadenough Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 1,179	welcomeback quit

08-04-2012, 11:44 PM	#14 (permalink)
blueshades Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Southeast US Posts: 331 Blog Entries: 1	Welcome back, qfm. I am new here myself (10 days) and have found the SR community to be so very helpful during my short recovery. Your story sure sounded familiar: living a secret life and feeling drained. Feeling the shame associated with the whole thing. I have learned from that, just as you will learn from your past experiences. I wish you all the luck in the days ahead. __________________ "This above all: to thine own self be true." Sobriety Date: July 26, 2012

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