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why is 3 months sober tough?

Old 07-25-2012, 12:31 PM
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why is 3 months sober tough?

Hi. I am 16 weeks sober, so 4 months really. 2nd April was day 1. I have started to crave and voices telling me loads of reasons its ok to have a drink. But I know the state I was in on April 1st and I know I will be back there again if I have a drink.

I relished in soberity til a couple of weeks ago. Now I am missing it. The novelty of being sober has worn off. I don't accomplish as much as I hoped I would sober. Well there has been a massive change but now its settled down into a new life. But I miss my old sometimes.

As I am writing this I know I have no intention of drinking but I just wondered if anyone knew why it gets like this around 3 months sober. I noticed the postings when I was on here daily - my first few weeks.

Any advice would be appreciated.
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Old 07-25-2012, 12:57 PM
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Some will often hit these cycles. It's at that time its important to talk to someone or for me, to go to a meeting or talk to my sponsor or a friend in AA. It takes practice & humility to do this, but it works. Some say your first year in sobriety is a roller coaster ride..it certainly is. My first 3 months were exciting as it was new. Then you hit a snag here 7 there & that is why it is important get into action & stick with a plan. It does get easier as time goes on...one day at a time. Hang in there--be strong--good luck! You can do it!
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Old 07-25-2012, 01:07 PM
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I have the exact same thing Rachel. The way I see it was that the first few months was just an extended hangover. I felt rubbish physically and it was easy to 'think the drink through' and see why I shouldn't drink again.

But when I started to get a bit perkier around the three month mark all the reasons why I quit seemed very distant. Because I am feeling better my whole focus isn't on not drinking and it is so easy to forget the reasons I quit in the first place.

I figure there will be ups and downs like this for a while so I'm not letting it alarm me too much, I'm just stepping up the support and the effort I put into staying sober. But I have to say, I haven't slipped easily into my new sober life and still feel like a drinker sometimes. I find it hard to detach myself from the person I have been for so many years. I think security will come in time and with increased effort. I'm hoping x
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Old 07-25-2012, 01:18 PM
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Whatever you do, don't get complacent.

If you've spent 4 months climbing out of hell, why would you want to go back there?

If you are like me, the reason is that I forget how bad it can be. And I think that I've changed somehow and that I will now be able to drink responsibly. I've managed to prove myself wrong on that one in the past.

There's nothing like going to a few AA meetings to hear the stories of others and be reminded that drinking alcohol is a bad idea for me.
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Old 07-25-2012, 01:19 PM
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For sure those milestones are named that for a reason. Those times are tough. Just remember its the months that are easy the days that are hard.
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Old 07-25-2012, 01:21 PM
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I agree that there are cycles.

My recovery has been anything but a straight line. What I've found is that when I have a period that seems like 'more of the same', it is usually followed by a burst of growth. I feel like my subconscious is working during those periods and leading towards a mini-growth spurt.
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Old 07-25-2012, 01:56 PM
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Good question. Thanks for the responses. Becoming complacent and forgetting the bad times is my fear too.
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Old 07-25-2012, 02:02 PM
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I am only 18 days dry, so I cannot totally relate. But I was talking to my shrink last night (he specializes in treating addicts of all forms, shapes, sizes).

I was describing how energized and optimistic I've been feeling and he warned me that recovery often follows a pattern. The first few months are exhilarating -- you feel proud of yourself and because you're doing lots of things sober for the first time, there's a novelty to it. But after 3-6 months or so, that novelty begins to wear off. And that's when most people relapse. Not only do you feel that they've got the problem beat ("Hey, I've gone four months! I can have one or two..."), but sobriety is no longer new or novel. In fact, lots of people find it boring.

Obviously, we all know what happens when we get bored.

His advice: Don't do it alone. Stay connected to other people who are in the same boat.

--Larry
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Old 07-25-2012, 02:15 PM
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Great reminder to stay vigilant
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Old 07-25-2012, 02:15 PM
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Your addiction is fighting for its life. It must sense that you are at a point in your recovery where you are weak (Missing your old life). Stay strong.
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Old 07-25-2012, 02:23 PM
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Hi Rachel

As others have said, it seems pretty common around milestone periods. Like you say the bloom wears off and you realise that life is still life...

Some people even point to a syndrome...I'm not a DR but this made sense to me when I read it

PAWS « Digital Dharma


For me too, a little part of me always used to equate abstinence with control...I'd always wonder if things would be different now if I drank again...having been so strong...of course, I realised later if you're thinking of drinking then things aren't different at all...

I think it's really important to work on our lives as much as its important to work on our alcoholism....if we're not accomplishing as much as you'd like, or life is a bit samey, then it's down to us to change that I think.

Its important to be sober - but it's equally important to be happy too

Congratulations on your 3 months Rachel
D
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Old 07-25-2012, 03:15 PM
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Yes I can relate to this feeling for sure! My strategy has been to slow down whatever it is I am doing and take some real time, sit down, and go through my emotions and the pros/cons of drinking. I try not to do too much other than go to work and then just relax as much as I can. I had to do this on monday actually as my AV was screaming loudly at me. I ate a healthy sized meal and then got some good sleep. Took some extra nutrient suppliments... ate some fruit. By tuesday night I was calmed down greatly and today I feel centered again. I think that when a lot of things start happening around you all at once that a sort of chaos envelops you and puts you at great risk of relapse. Good time to press on the breaks and slow it down a bit. God bless!
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Old 07-25-2012, 03:18 PM
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I think we feel so good and yeh forget so think we can handle it. I stop right there and think HARD about all the bad times, the loss of control, the anxiety, the guilt, the fogginess, the hangovers, how hard it was to stop, the irritability, the poor sleep, the baggy eyes, how it's just not even worth attempting moderation because I KNOW I can't moderate. Then lastly I look at my beautiful 2yr old daughter and the thoughts of drinking repulse me. Keep going Rachel. X
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Old 07-25-2012, 03:21 PM
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Originally Posted by DoinThis View Post
I think we feel so good and yeh forget so think we can handle it. I stop right there and think HARD about all the bad times, the loss of control, the anxiety, the guilt, the fogginess, the hangovers, how hard it was to stop, the irritability, the poor sleep, the baggy eyes, how it's just not even worth attempting moderation because I KNOW I can't moderate.
Right on! I think of all those "cons" and have a very hard time coming up with many "pros"!
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Old 07-25-2012, 03:32 PM
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I am only at 6 weeks and I get scared about that too, but...

Dee,

That link is friggin' great. Thanks. I have heard people say PAWS before and I thought it was a thing about menopause for older women- Duh. Sorry, my brain still doesn't work right.

Anyways, I found it to be very, very helpful and seems to explain a lot, and put my mind at ease.

Thanks and thanks for the thread Rachel
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Old 07-25-2012, 11:53 PM
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thanks everyone. I suppose I just needed to hear what I already knew. Its hard to think that the mess I was in was caused by booze, but I know it was. I liked what you said Dee about spurts of growth. I have had major ones these last 3/4 months but as I said its slowed.
Hopefully that means another is to come. But as someone else said that is up to me. My addiction will die, someone said it is fighting to stay alive. Well I won't let it.

Thanks so much. I will probably be visiting this site more, I have neglected it as my soberity time has increased. I don't want to dwell on my addiction but I feel to forget it is dangerous and a loophole through which booze will climb back in. this has happened before.

You have all given me a lot to think about. Thanks again.

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Old 07-26-2012, 12:31 AM
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Be soon at 7 months. I still feel morose at times but then I also feel very good at times also. After 33 years trapped by alcoHELL I really do feel like my brain is starting to spring back into life. Cravings have been intense in certain situations, but I am dealing with them a lot easier by thinking the process through, its not the drinking that scares me its the dark thoughts anxiety and depression it causes that does.

Iam outside the bubble looking in at the masses drinking and drugging like sheep, it feels so good to liberated.

I really do think sober is the new rebellious, its so bloody cool.

More and more people are waking up to this fact, dont ever go back to alcoHELL.
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Old 07-26-2012, 01:13 AM
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Originally Posted by RachelNorth View Post
I don't want to dwell on my addiction but I feel to forget it is dangerous and a loophole through which booze will climb back in.
This is a fine line isn't it. I know for a fact that if I was left to my own devices, just me, my own thoughts and my usual social network, then I would definitely be drinking right now. Having support from other people in the same situation as you is so important. I don't think that is dwelling. I think a lot of people feel guilty for spending time on themselves or for getting help, like they should get better immediately, but judging on how long it took most of us accept our alcoholism, I think it'll take longer than we think before we can let our guard down.

I like this Darkdays
I really do think sober is the new rebellious, its so bloody cool.
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Old 07-26-2012, 03:14 AM
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In the end I came to see one year as early. I am still noticing differences and positive developments. Everything is not perfect but and only recently am I noticing I am much more resilient under stress, my brainpower is still improving and I am more stable emotionally.

I have found the daily practice of gratitude (see threads) invaluable , but it takes a month to kick in.

It is clear to that things will still improve in my life, and it will take time.

Keep at it, and remember rule 62.
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Old 07-26-2012, 04:54 AM
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I came off mt pink cloud around 3 months. Life just started hitting me. It only gets better. I promise. You have to wait for those miracles to start coming your way.
A miracle that happened to me yesterday was I got a job that I am going to love!! It is working for a non-profit organization and I will be running it basically. I am so excited!! The Creative Forces (or God) is really working in my life!!

It only gets better!!
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