Dissociated

[rojogonzo]

My thoughts on addiction were always "if it isnt one thing its going to be another".

Verily.

Have been on a four day binge on speed and hallucinogens. No booze though. I couldve reached out to somebody. But really, what wouldve happened? Some faceless througha receiver telling me not to. Telling me to go to AA or NA. I doubt that wouldve made a difference.

If it isnt one thing its going to be another.

And of course it was self medicating. Chronic nightmares, you know. They get old quick and stimulant-induced insomnia followed by fiending seemed more appealing than waking up in cold sweats at some ungodly hour and fiending just the same.

If it isnt one thing its another.

Insomnia is a bit of an enlightening experience, as you find yourself between bouts of Nintendo and erotica, staring at the clock and youre the only one awake in your part of the world and it hits you how utterly alone you are. The cult of self-esteem dictates we all live together, common sense tells us we die alone.

If it isnt one thing its another.

Dont know why im writing this, and why im telling you i understand even less. But i guess in the end we're all objects, that through some cosmic conjuring trick gained sentience.

Dissociation, i think is the word.

I have nothing else to say really, guess Ill go fall down a hole somewhere.

Peace and love.

[MrsKing]

rojogonzo... please don't go fall down a hole somewhere. You are not alone - you have us here at SR and you know that, or you wouldn't have posted here.

One addiction doesn't have to be replaced by another, if you don't let it. I'm glad you haven't had any alcohol... but really, that isn't the issue - what is the issue is that you don't want to be in a sober state of mind (I've been there) and you are looking for ways to escape.

I've thought about it occasionally. Would it be so bad, if I didn't drink, that I did something else "fun" and "interesting", would it compromise my sobriety? I've decided that I'm going to choose sobriety... complete sobriety... and you can, too. We have to learn to deal with ourselves as sober people and that's tough. We're not used to being in our own sober company and that's understandable, since we've spent too long drunk. But we have to give ourselves time to get to know ourselves again... come to love being the sober person that we are, and realise that reality is so much more important than being drunk or high. Don't let another substance take your future from you. You deserve so much more than that. And with time you will come to know your sober self and appreciate him... but it does take time and it does take effort. It's worth it, though.

I wish you all the best and hope you are feeling better soon.

[rojogonzo]

Its going to be something. Narcotic or not.

Shall we buy a new guitar?
Shall we drive a more powerful car?
Shall we work straight through the night?
Shall we get into fights?
Leave the lights on?
Drop bombs?
Do tours of the east?
Contract disease?
Bury bones?
Break up homes?
Send flowers by phone?
Take to drink?
Go to shrinks?
Give up meat?
Rarely sleep?
Keep people as pets?
Train dogs?
Raise rats?
Fill the attic with cash?
Bury treasure?
Stolen leisure.
But never relax at all.
- pink floyd "what shall we do now?"

[mecanix]

I always found Nitzche good when i was on an existentile angst type vibe, "beyond good and evil" especially so .

Speed and hallucinogens can burn you out pritty bad, you can get quite out of it and find it hard to come back . Getting back to natures basics, camping in the fields and woods with family and friends was always good for my tripped out old dad , something real, y'know like humans have done for a 100,000 years .

cheers M

[MrsKing]

Originally Posted by rojogonzo

Its going to be something. Narcotic or not.

Shall we buy a new guitar?
Shall we drive a more powerful car?
Shall we work straight through the night?
Shall we get into fights?
Leave the lights on?
Drop bombs?
Do tours of the east?
Contract disease?
Bury bones?
Break up homes?
Send flowers by phone?
Take to drink?
Go to shrinks?
Give up meat?
Rarely sleep?
Keep people as pets?
Train dogs?
Raise rats?
Fill the attic with cash?
Bury treasure?
Stolen leisure.
But never relax at all.
- pink floyd "what shall we do now?"

It's all well and good quoting lyrics and being philosophical, rojogonzo, and finding solace in song and words, but honestly, it's not reality. I used to do such things... find quotes that justified getting drunk (or at least they did in my mind), songs that made me feel like partying was the only way forward... listening to the greats (like Pink Floyd) and finding so much in their lyrics that made me feel like it was OK... everything was fine... I was being listening to amazing musicians and connecting with their lyrics, this was a good thing, right?

Well, maybe it is a good thing to be understood. But that doesn't mean it's a good thing to hide behind such things and use them to make us feel like we don't have to change, and that we are powerless in making our lives different.

[rojogonzo]

Originally Posted by MrsKing

It's all well and good quoting lyrics and being philosophical, rojogonzo, and finding solace in song and words, but honestly, it's not reality. I used to do such things... find quotes that justified getting drunk (or at least they did in my mind), songs that made me feel like partying was the only way forward... listening to the greats (like Pink Floyd) and finding so much in their lyrics that made me feel like it was OK... everything was fine... I was being listening to amazing musicians and connecting with their lyrics, this was a good thing, right?

Well, maybe it is a good thing to be understood. But that doesn't mean it's a good thing to hide behind such things and use them to make us feel like we don't have to change, and that we are powerless in making our lives different.

Read the post again.

[Dee74]

Have been on a four day binge on speed and hallucinogens. No booze though. I couldve reached out to somebody. But really, what wouldve happened? Some faceless througha receiver telling me not to. Telling me to go to AA or NA. I doubt that wouldve made a difference.

You'll never know what might have happened if you never reach out Rojo.

I used to think it'll always be something...but I was wrong.

You can get to a point where you're not doing stuff that's self destructive, or not doing stuff that lessens you.

It takes a lot of work tho, a lot of commitment and a lot of reaching out.

I believe you can do it Rojo - I did it...so did hundreds of other people here who've been where you are now.

D