Trying to get sober again

[MARYELLEN5801]

Hi, In 2008 I got sober, I got my 1 year in 2009. I also got married in 2009. I think I got married for the wrong reasons, to make my parents happy, to have transportation. I always say,"I am the only one in the world who got married for a truck". I recall the day we went downtown and got our marriage license. That is the day I threw away my sobriety. I went to a bar, sat in that Blazer and drank. I told him just once, but that was BS. I continued to drink and here we are in 2012. I separated from him last month after he poured a beer on my head, and called the police to have me removed from our rented townhouse. Cops came, they said the only way he could get me out was to get a PFA against me, and he did. I was not allowed there til the following Monday, when I began my move. I now have my own car he can no longer take my keys from me, whenever he sees fit, sober or not. I shut off all the utilities that I paid for which was pretty much everything. I moved all the furniture I purchased which was everything. I bought my own computer, my own anything, I have credit, he does not. He is a pharmacist on probation for the 3rd time. I paid for his license. He has been suspended more than he has worked as a pharmacist. He is a percocet addict. I put up with him stealing from me for 6 years. I do not have narcotics, but I have anti depressants since the death of my mother. I also have benedryl, excedrin, he steals everything. Now at 50 he is into my creams and make up. I am glad he pushed me out. But I am drinking more, because I don't really think I want to deal with this mess. I am living here with my depressed 91 year old Dad, am watching him, and doing the best I can... He does not have to walk down stairs any more as I take care of Mum's cat and my own. So ergo we are taking care of each other. I however am drinking. I never drank everyday but since I moved up here on June 10th, I am getting a 6 pack of Coor's light everyday. I am not working at this point. I have been off since December, due to my boss seeing my weight loss, due to the death of my best friend, my mother. I am so very bored. I don't know what else to do, I have been to all these meeting around here. Same people same thing. I maybe better be honest with myself and go find a meeting that I fit in to. I really don't want to go back to the marriage, that hasn't effected me one bit, other than now I can drink. He said I was a mean drunk, well I guess I was. He stole from me, took money, promises to pay back and never does, forced me to put him on my heath insurance plan, as a separated individual in PA where does that leave me. Until open season, I guess I have to pay for him. He has never paid bills, when he tried to get the internet and TV and phone back on, they want a 400.00 deposit. I call him a loser when I drink, never when I am sober. I actually think he is a loser, because I have paid for everything ever since he lost his license in 06, by submitting his son's urine and I screwed it up by asking him to wait for me. The urine wasn't hot or warm enough, by the time we got to his testing place, he lost his license in 07. My Dr. says he is a sociopath, but I don't know, I have read about sociopaths and I do see him fitting in. I just cannot believe he would throw me in jail, get a PFA, and he owes myself and my Dad soooo much money. I guess I am pissed.
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[Dee74]

Hi MaryEllen
I moved your thread to our Newcomers forum. You'll get more response here

Personally I think it would be best to focus on you now and whats ahead - not whatever's happened in the past.

If you think you should start hitting the meetings again, do that - any positive thing you can do for your recovery is a good thing in my book

You'll find a lot of help and support here - welcome

D

[artsoul]

Welcome MaryEllen -

It sounds like your move out of the relationship was a really good thing. I'm sorry for the loss of your mother, though. That has to be really hard. I think getting sober again is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. I found it much easier to deal with things sober, without the depression and anxiety caused by alcohol.

We're here for you.....:ghug3

[Hevyn]

Hi MaryEllen. Glad you came here and shared your story - you sure are going through a lot of challenges right now. I understand you wanting to numb yourself at a time like this, but I found out that backfires terribly. You'll need to be clearheaded to deal with the changes that are coming. I thought I was helping myself by drinking - but I was only increasing my anxiety.

A whole new life is out there for you. Look forward to a new day, when things won't be miserable or unpredictable anymore. We're glad to listen and help however we can.