Need advice. - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Innerchild · 06-16-2012, 05:32 PM

Tomorrow my dad's best friends are having a father's day BBQ. So many people like family will be there but they will ALL be drinking and most will be drunk. Do I go and hope I dont have a reaction to being around a lot of alcohol or stay away. I dont want to be around alcohol but I hate not feeling included and have to stay away bc I cant drink. They all know I am in AA so no one will offer me a drink but I just dont know what to do. My sponsor and others in AA said to have an escape plan but I dont have a car and people may be too drunk to drive me home. I am so confused bc I dont want to stay home by myself either all day tom. either. Any suggestions?

***Anna*** · 06-16-2012, 05:34 PM

That's a tough one, Innerchild.

If you feel uneasy about going and you don't have an escape plan, then maybe you might want to rethink it. Is there any way that you could spend part of the day with your Dad?

Sapling · 06-16-2012, 05:34 PM

Maybe you can take an AA friend with you...That doesn't have anywhere to go for Father's Day?...And has a car?

Innerchild · 06-16-2012, 05:37 PM

My dad is playing golf all day with his buddies then meeting for the BBQ he will be toasted already on that course..I wish I knew someone well enough in AA to come.

OklaBH · 06-16-2012, 05:38 PM

ya know..it's Fathers Day. See your Dad. Im going to see mine and my family (who drinks) cant stand the sight of me (rightfully so) Just be in the moment (without alcohol) you will never get the time back you avoided with your dad.

Sapling · 06-16-2012, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innerchild

My dad is playing golf all day with his buddies then meeting for the BBQ he will be toasted already on that course..I wish I knew someone well enough in AA to come.

Got any phone numbers?...Maybe your sponsor knows someone.

Innerchild · 06-16-2012, 05:50 PM

Ahhh, tough decision but I do have phone numbers and my sponsors number.

Sapling · 06-16-2012, 05:52 PM

It's worth a try...If I was going to what sounds like a drunk fest and I had no way out...Sorry dad...Another day.

Threshold · 06-16-2012, 05:53 PM

Tricky IC, is there any way you could schedule to have breakfast with Dad before he hits the golf course? Or schedule a dinner with him later this week, just you two?

Innerchild · 06-16-2012, 05:59 PM

They really make awesome food there too lol. I still have time to pray tonight and God will tell me

Innerchild · 06-16-2012, 06:01 PM

I can have fun watching people get drunk and tell myself I am grateful I wont have a hangover in the morning

Sapling · 06-16-2012, 06:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innerchild

I can have fun watching people get drunk and tell myself I am grateful I wont have a hangover in the morning

How long have you been sober IC?

Innerchild · 06-16-2012, 06:07 PM

Relapsed and bk almost three weeks but I am more ddicated and serious

ACT10Npack · 06-16-2012, 06:10 PM

I truly don't know how you would react around people who are drinking or better yet getting drunk. If you know you can go to it and not drink then do it if not then don't go. Just remember it's only a few hour event and in time you will have to learn to be around people who will drink. Alcohol is not like cocaine that it's a social thing. Not saying to go to a bar or anything but remember alcohol is everywhere.

Innerchild · 06-16-2012, 06:13 PM

Good point Actionpk

sugarbear1 · 06-16-2012, 06:14 PM

We have to put in the footwork. Call your sponsor and let them know what is happening (remind them), then ask if there is someone they know who may not be busy tomorrow. One way to get to know someone in AA is to reach out, get the ride and hang out together.

Breakfast sounds like a grand idea, too!

Or just call and talk with dad for a while, let him know it's too early for you to be around alcohol in any form and that you are upset but you can't make it.

Big hugs to you,

Sapling · 06-16-2012, 06:14 PM

Your call...If you think you can handle that...Go for it...I know I was hanging onto my three weeks with my life...This wouldn't even be a consideration for me. If I had a way out maybe...But if I knew my dad was going to be drunk when he got there...I'd pass.

Innerchild · 06-16-2012, 06:17 PM

Ill pray maybe if I go I bring my BB and secretly read it but I have a few hours to decide maybe I can get a ride home after I eat and then I dont have to stay late when the Manhattans come out and everyone is toasted not that I am into Manhattans anyway.

Innerchild · 06-16-2012, 06:19 PM

My dad understands either way 90% of me tells me I am not ready bc I am too focused on my sobriety

sugarbear1 · 06-16-2012, 06:20 PM

well, bring your phone list with you! call people! or call the WAIA hotline 202-966-9115 someone is scheduled all day long there!

06-16-2012, 05:32 PM	#1 (permalink)
Innerchild Grateful AA member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ Posts: 567	Need advice. Tomorrow my dad's best friends are having a father's day BBQ. So many people like family will be there but they will ALL be drinking and most will be drunk. Do I go and hope I dont have a reaction to being around a lot of alcohol or stay away. I dont want to be around alcohol but I hate not feeling included and have to stay away bc I cant drink. They all know I am in AA so no one will offer me a drink but I just dont know what to do. My sponsor and others in AA said to have an escape plan but I dont have a car and people may be too drunk to drive me home. I am so confused bc I dont want to stay home by myself either all day tom. either. Any suggestions?

06-16-2012, 05:34 PM	#2 (permalink)
*Anna* Administrator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Dancing in the Light Posts: 27,807	That's a tough one, Innerchild. If you feel uneasy about going and you don't have an escape plan, then maybe you might want to rethink it. Is there any way that you could spend part of the day with your Dad? __________________ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Marianne Willianson

06-16-2012, 06:14 PM	#16 (permalink)
sugarbear1 ~sb Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: MD Posts: 9,761	We have to put in the footwork. Call your sponsor and let them know what is happening (remind them), then ask if there is someone they know who may not be busy tomorrow. One way to get to know someone in AA is to reach out, get the ride and hang out together. Breakfast sounds like a grand idea, too! Or just call and talk with dad for a while, let him know it's too early for you to be around alcohol in any form and that you are upset but you can't make it. Big hugs to you, __________________ Someday everything will all make sense. For now, laugh at confusion, smile through tears, & remind yourself that everything happens for a reason. All Big Book quotes are from the first edition. Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

06-16-2012, 06:20 PM	#20 (permalink)
sugarbear1 ~sb Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: MD Posts: 9,761	well, bring your phone list with you! call people! or call the WAIA hotline 202-966-9115 someone is scheduled all day long there! __________________ Someday everything will all make sense. For now, laugh at confusion, smile through tears, & remind yourself that everything happens for a reason. All Big Book quotes are from the first edition. Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

06-16-2012, 05:34 PM	#3 (permalink)
Sapling AA Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Between Meetings Posts: 9,004	Maybe you can take an AA friend with you...That doesn't have anywhere to go for Father's Day?...And has a car?

06-16-2012, 05:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
Innerchild Grateful AA member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ Posts: 567	My dad is playing golf all day with his buddies then meeting for the BBQ he will be toasted already on that course..I wish I knew someone well enough in AA to come.

06-16-2012, 05:38 PM	#5 (permalink)
OklaBH Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: The Sooner State Posts: 1,058 Blog Entries: 2	ya know..it's Fathers Day. See your Dad. Im going to see mine and my family (who drinks) cant stand the sight of me (rightfully so) Just be in the moment (without alcohol) you will never get the time back you avoided with your dad.

06-16-2012, 05:50 PM	#7 (permalink)
Innerchild Grateful AA member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ Posts: 567	Ahhh, tough decision but I do have phone numbers and my sponsors number.

06-16-2012, 05:52 PM	#8 (permalink)
Sapling AA Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Between Meetings Posts: 9,004	It's worth a try...If I was going to what sounds like a drunk fest and I had no way out...Sorry dad...Another day.

06-16-2012, 05:53 PM	#9 (permalink)
Threshold Grateful but still smarting Join Date: May 2009 Location: Arizona Posts: 2,203 Blog Entries: 24	Tricky IC, is there any way you could schedule to have breakfast with Dad before he hits the golf course? Or schedule a dinner with him later this week, just you two?

06-16-2012, 05:59 PM	#10 (permalink)
Innerchild Grateful AA member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ Posts: 567	They really make awesome food there too lol. I still have time to pray tonight and God will tell me

06-16-2012, 06:01 PM	#11 (permalink)
Innerchild Grateful AA member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ Posts: 567	I can have fun watching people get drunk and tell myself I am grateful I wont have a hangover in the morning

06-16-2012, 06:07 PM	#13 (permalink)
Innerchild Grateful AA member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ Posts: 567	Relapsed and bk almost three weeks but I am more ddicated and serious

06-16-2012, 06:10 PM	#14 (permalink)
ACT10Npack Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 1,246	I truly don't know how you would react around people who are drinking or better yet getting drunk. If you know you can go to it and not drink then do it if not then don't go. Just remember it's only a few hour event and in time you will have to learn to be around people who will drink. Alcohol is not like cocaine that it's a social thing. Not saying to go to a bar or anything but remember alcohol is everywhere.

06-16-2012, 06:13 PM	#15 (permalink)
Innerchild Grateful AA member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ Posts: 567	Good point Actionpk

06-16-2012, 06:14 PM	#17 (permalink)
Sapling AA Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Between Meetings Posts: 9,004	Your call...If you think you can handle that...Go for it...I know I was hanging onto my three weeks with my life...This wouldn't even be a consideration for me. If I had a way out maybe...But if I knew my dad was going to be drunk when he got there...I'd pass.

06-16-2012, 06:17 PM	#18 (permalink)
Innerchild Grateful AA member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ Posts: 567	Ill pray maybe if I go I bring my BB and secretly read it but I have a few hours to decide maybe I can get a ride home after I eat and then I dont have to stay late when the Manhattans come out and everyone is toasted not that I am into Manhattans anyway.

06-16-2012, 06:19 PM	#19 (permalink)
Innerchild Grateful AA member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ Posts: 567	My dad understands either way 90% of me tells me I am not ready bc I am too focused on my sobriety

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