Tried, Tested, and True.

[EXM6]

After pouring my heart out yesterday on this forum and receiving a TON of fabulous words of wisdom (thank you ), the Universe, coincidence, whatever it may have been thought it would throw out a little test for me and I passed... In return-- life kept happening and gave me what I needed to move on.

I haven't been able to successfully not drink when my daughter isn't here. She decided to go on a sleepover last night and a friend that was with me at the time pleaded with me to reconsider... I said, nope, I have to do it sometime. Alone in my apartment, I considered a bottle of wine and thought about all you lovely people here... Struggling hard, your inspiring stories, and thought NO. I'm going to walk my little butt to the store, grab some delicious pepsi and call it a night. On my way back, minding my own business, and happening to be listening to JT's "What goes around, comes around" on my IPOD, I see my ex's car in the parking lot beside mine. I literally said "F-You" out loud. Sure enough it was him playing ultimate frisbee in the field beside my house. It's funny how something so small can be a such a LARGE trigger. I got in my house, picked up the phone and texted a friend. Coincidentally enough, his first comment was "ignore him, what goes around, comes around" which was fitting since that is what I had been listening to. I'm sure my ex expected some sort of reaction -- a text, a phone call, me standing with a boombox along side the field expressing my undying love haha... but sorry, you're getting nothing. Frig it felt good.

Later that night I opted to go out for coffee. As strong as I felt, I did feel a little antsy. At this point the dial-a-bottle would be closed but I've never been too proud to show up at a bar by myself and find someone I know. My friend brought along someone and in our time talking, I found out my EX had written her on a dating website yesterday. I know this person is the farthest thing from my ex's type, not even a bit on the spectrum and it made me really sad. It confirmed everything that I had heard from others, and what I kinda deep down, knew myself. He will stop at nothing to get the attention he needs. He will message EVERY girl on that site until he finds someone to use up and spit out. He will take as many of them as he can. He will stop at nothing.

While I went to bed, feeling sick to my stomach, wondering just HOW many girls there have been before me... In between me... and since me. I really felt the emotion I had been looking for while feeling so vengeful... Sorrow. Sorrow for him, sorrow for me. The acceptance of his flaws, as well as my own, and the knowledge that ables me to walk away. By the time I drifted off to sleep, I just felt myself wishing he would figure it out.

So here we are Day 6. I am not missing him, I am not wondering what I did that was so awful to deserve to be treated the way I was, and most importantly I'm not putting all the stress on me that leads me to drink, trying to find a way to show him I'm not all the things he thinks I am.

Thank you AGAIN for all the great advice you gave me yesterday. I truly don't think I would be where I am right now, so early, without all of your kind words and shared experiences.

[Flying4Life]

Woohoo! Way to go not taking the bait from your ex! You are stronger than you think and you deserve much better.

[Sapling]

Good stuff EXM6!!!....Congrats!

[scrambled2012]

hey, the weekend is abounding with sober firsts!! Great Job Exm~~~!

[EXM6]

Thanks guys... I hope you're all enjoying your sober weekends as well!

[Anna]

Good for you, and keep the focus on yourself and your recovery.

[LovesToTravel]

One Day At A Time

[Fandy]

you KNOW he was playing frisbie next to your house to get your attention....and probably spent the evening wondering WHY you did not respond.....ooooh good for you!

expect to see him walking up and down the sidewalk tomorrow with a borrowed dog (oh i was just driving by and the dog needed to go.... )

[Dee74]

Keep focusing on you and your recovery and you'll be ok

Keep walking forward EXM6...it's the right way to go

D